Samuel Harper (samlish) wrote in riddikulus,
@ 2008-01-31 23:02:00

WHO; Dean Urquhart and Samuel Harper.
WHEN; After class.
WHERE; Out around Hogwarts.
SUMMARY; Sam agrees on meeting Dean and try to work their friendship out.
RATING; PG-13, for words.
STATUS; Incomplete.

When Sam was walking down the stairs to the Entrance Hall, his mind wasn't really thinking only happy thought about having to meet Dean now again, he wanted to meet him, more than anything and anyone, but at the same time he felt weird. He had admitted to him that he had fallen for him now instead, and it was all so weird, because now he knew that he didn't like him. It had been so much easier when he was sure Dean liked him more than a friend to like him back, now it just felt weird and all he wanted was to be straight. Maybe he really was straight anyway, all of this might only have been a experiment, he only wanted to check out how it was to be with another guy, and it had been better than he thought, he had to admit that, and maybe even better in a way than being with a girl, new things always made him feel better, trying something new, whatever it was, so maybe it had just been that, that was why it had felt better with a guy than a girl.. Yeah, that must be it. Sam thought as he got down from the last stair to the Entrance Hall, he stopped at the bottom of the stairs for a while and then began chewing on his bottom lip and playing the buttons in his shirt, still wearing his school uniform and feeling like he wanted to just rip it off, like most times after a while day full of classes he just wanted to mostly fall a sleep in.. But he couldn't do that now. No, meeting Dean now was awkward and weird enough, being naked would make it even more so..

Dean had not arrived yet, he notice as he looked around and went over to stand in one of the corner, watching the people walking past him now and then, some of them stared at him, curious on what he was doing there, but he just got his hands down his pockets, leaning against the closest wall and waited for Dean to show up. He was getting a bit used to all the staring, he usually did like staring and being the center of things, but for things he liked that was good for him, not bad like this.. And he really did hate this kind of attention he was getting, everybody whispering and talking about him behind his back, he just wanted to hide until it was all over, but that so wasn't his style, at all.. He hoped Dean would show up soon however, he didn't like just standing there, letting them watch him, like a fucking monkey in a cage at Zoo or whatever. But at the same time he wished Dean wouldn't come soon, because to tell the truth he was so fucking nervous he could throw up.. Was this how it felt to see someone in class you were in love with, wait for them and feel like you wanted to see him all the day, but still not? Must be, Sam had never really been in love before, and now well.. it was sorta like a first crush or love.. Which made him wish he could like only girls even more.. because he was not gay, he just wasn't..

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samlish
2008-02-01 12:58 am UTC (link)

If he had been nervous before, it was nothing compare to what he felt when he saw Dean walking up from the dungeons and coming into the Entrance Hall from them, his hands in his pockets, dressed in not his school uniform but one of his t-shirts and zip up sweater he always wore, or at least quite often and of course that beanie Sam had learned to like. He was just used it by now he guessed, when he first started to wear it Sam had not wasted any time to make fun of it on him, but of course he stopped with it after a while, and it has never been meant in a mean way and he knew Dean knew that. But right now his stomach wanted to turn itself inside out and he wanted to just throw up his breakfast and lunch. He never had been this nervous, or wait, once, at his father's funeral, when he had not wanted to cry in front of any people, not even his mother and his sisters, and he had been so damn afraid of just loosing it and cry like a baby in front of everyone, and he had not done it, but he had felt so terrible the whole time he had tried holding it in, and now it was almost like that time. But of course Dean was not dead.. and he had already cried for Dean more than in front of anyone else, he wasn't scared of that anymore, or at least not as much at all.

Nodding as Dean came up to him, hands in his pockets looking almost as nervous as he was, he looked up at a few 4th years boys from Ravenclaw looking at them as they passed, they looked a mix of disgusted and shocked, and it just made Sam so damn angry. He gave them a hard look, and they hurried into the Great Hall to study or whatever they were suppose to do in there. Sam looked back to Dean and swallowed, again back to feeling so nervous again. "Yeah.. the walk. Let's take that one." He stroked some of his hair back from his forehead and face, his fingers running between it easily, he had taken a shower this morning and he felt just silly doing it, because it was just Dean, but still, he had done it and now he wished he hadn't.. He rolled up his sleeve on his white school uniform shirt and started to walk to the Entrance door, leading out, he glanced up at Dean as he did so and mumbled. "This is weird.. But just so you know.. I don't like you.. like that.. I don't.. Or I won't.. It will stop. Oh fuck, whatever, I don't want to like you that way anyway." He was so annoyed at himself for sounding like a stupid dork, and he knew he had lied, he did want to like him, even if Dean had hurt him, he liked to feel warm and tingly whenever he saw him, even if Stewart usually ruined it all by being next to him everywhere in this freaking castle.. But he did of course also enjoyed those wet dreams, they were annoying from a start, now he did quite enjoyed him actually.. even if he said he was not gay, he still liked the wet dreams about other guys more than those with girls in, which he disliked quite a lot..

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