Mark Clearwater (handofnabu) wrote in the_bullpen,
@ 2010-03-30 19:19:00

Right. You think you're going mad.

What do you do?

	bwa_ha_ha 2010-03-30 10:20 pm UTC (link)
	Try to go mad with power. You go mad without power, nobody listens to you. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-30 10:25 pm UTC (link)
	Please. I'm librarian. The most mad with power I can go is to borrow too many books and not return them for months and months. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	bwa_ha_ha 2010-03-30 10:39 pm UTC (link)
	But... but... librarian! Knowledge! Knowledge is power! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 12:37 am UTC (link)
	And I can go mad with the power of books? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	bwa_ha_ha 2010-03-31 12:40 am UTC (link)
	My mom could. She knows everything. And can and will use it. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 01:09 am UTC (link)
	I don't think anyone knows everything. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	bwa_ha_ha 2010-03-31 01:21 am UTC (link)
	Everything. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 01:29 am UTC (link)
	....... I don't believe you. There are things no one knows. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	bwa_ha_ha 2010-03-31 01:31 am UTC (link)
	Well... maybe. But she could find them out. With the power of the Internet! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	better_now 2010-03-31 12:52 am UTC (link)
	All right. I'm a little averse to giving advice that could get you locked up in a padded-and-force-fielded cell, 'cause I know what hell that is, but it's probably safer for everyone if you talk to somebody about this. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 01:11 am UTC (link)
	It's not like there is any one thing that says "I'm going crazy". It's more like a series of unrelated things that seem to be creating a pattern. It's starting to make me question my sanity like any other person would if these occurrences were happening to them. I don't exactly-- Have friends. Co-workers yes. But I. I don't make friends. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	better_now 2010-03-31 01:15 am UTC (link)
	What does your role seem to be in this pattern of unrelated things? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

handofnabu
2010-03-31 01:19 am UTC (link)

A victim almost. Or like I've been fighting in my sleep. Strange bruises and sometimes burn marks that can't be explained away easily.

Sometimes I find that I'm much more tired than I should be in the morning. Like I've been up all night. Which isn't true. I usually fall asleep in my chair and at some point get into bed.

Can't ever say how. Can't quite remember since the middle of January.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	better_now 2010-03-31 01:24 am UTC (link)
	All right. Could be worse, much worse. Aside from possibly some very violent sleepwalking, are there any other signs? Actual behavior or thoughts you've seen out of yourself? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 01:30 am UTC (link)
	Well. I have noticed that I have been making sure everything I do is balanced out in some way. It isn't obvious but it's like I need to have order to everything I do. It's not so bad but it is odd. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	better_now 2010-03-31 01:39 am UTC (link)
	Oh. Aye. Odd. ...but you haven't started reciting prime numbers to keep from screaming yet, right? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 01:43 am UTC (link)
	I prefer the Dewy Decibel system. .... I kid. I haven't started doing that. Hope I don't either. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	better_now 2010-03-31 01:51 am UTC (link)
	I guess it's good to have a sense of humor about it. Maybe. But good. That's a bad sign, when that keeps happening. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 02:02 am UTC (link)
	Then I suppose things aren't as bad as I thought they were. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	better_now 2010-03-31 02:05 am UTC (link)
	Aside from the bruises and all, you haven't been in a lot of pain lately, have you? Or hearing things? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 02:07 am UTC (link)
	Well. There is this strange Helmet that came into my possession in January. Sometimes. Sometimes I feel like it's talking to me as crazy as that sounds. I try to ignore it since it seems like it's coming from so far away. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	better_now 2010-03-31 02:11 am UTC (link)
	Ah. Well. Y'see, hearing things, that can definitely be a mental illness thing. I had that some, just overpowering noise in my case. But then...I also used to possess people. So maybe it's craziness, and maybe it's coincidence, and maybe it's something else, y'ken? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 02:20 am UTC (link)
	I think I understand what you're saying. I need more information before I assume that I'm crazy or not cray. There are too many things to factor into it to just go with one answer. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	better_now 2010-03-31 02:21 am UTC (link)
	Best of luck. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	ryanspector 2010-03-31 02:57 am UTC (link)
	Call Dad or Mom, there experts at dealing with that sort of thing. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 03:09 am UTC (link)
	What do you think they would say? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ryanspector 2010-03-31 03:13 am UTC (link)
	Say a truly crazy person never thinks they’re going crazy unless someone else pointed it out to them or tell me to seek psychiatric help. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 03:59 am UTC (link)
	Well isn't that perfectly reasonable. Not exactly comforting. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	mishaloganovich 2010-03-31 03:07 am UTC (link)
	I tried to kill myself, but I'm better now. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 03:10 am UTC (link)
	Not an option for me really. Too much of a coward to try death out. I'm.... not in a great place right now. Death doesn't seem like a thing to do though. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	mishaloganovich 2010-03-31 03:23 am UTC (link)
	It wasn't my idea. Enemy of my mother's grabbed me and used electroshock and drugs to try and brainwash me, and then enemies of my dad grabbed me and tried drugs to get me under control. It all boiled down to me trying to kill myself so I wouldn't hurt Mom. Thank god she was there and knew how to stop me. I don't know that I could heal from a bullet to the heal. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	handofnabu 2010-03-31 04:10 am UTC (link)
	I don't think I'm being brainwashed. I'm not important to anyone. I'm just a librarian. I am glad that you didn't have to die though. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	mishaloganovich 2010-03-31 06:28 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks. Hey, you ever need somebody to watch your back and help out, let me know. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	rjb_absinthe 2010-04-03 05:32 am UTC (link)
	Whatever the hell you want! All Day Every Day. If you're really mad, nobody will stop you. If you aren't, at least you'l have a good time until reality smacks you in the face. (Reply to this)

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