Who: Miranda Parry and Ralph Frobisher
What: Miranda's having a rough time with everything :'( But then they get happy!
Where: Ralph's dorm!
"GOD---FUCKING----
DAMNIT!"
Miranda jumped up and down in her spot, waving her wand furiously at the stupid, bloody---
sliver of silver that had escaped her wand. Just a bloody sliver! Not even a
puff of patronus had escaped her wand. What. Was. Her.
Problem? She was a Hogwarts graduate, God damn it! She should be able to do this! She
needed to be able to do this, because if she
couldn't do this, the next time there was trouble she would have no way of contacting Ralph
or the Order and then someone
else would die---
She dropped down to Ralph's bed furiously, bouncing a bit because of how heavily she'd fallen. This was never going to happen. Ralph and his cute little raccoon were going to prance about without her. She'd only have that stupid worm of a patronus to tag along, and who the hell had a
worm for a patronus? Someone
gross that's who. Stupid---why couldn't the Order think of an easy way to communicate? Huh?
Huh?
The door of the dorm creaked open and Miranda turned away from Ralph, who had returned with some 'happy food' to supposedly help the process of making a patronus. The frown on her face definitely could
not be wiped away by chocolate.
"Mmmm, chocolate cake." Ralph brought the pastry up toward his face (a
whole one, he might add. Miranda had better see how much he loved her through the price tag of this thing alone), feigning taking a deep whiff of it as he walked into the dorm. He looked up at his girlfriend expectantly, hoping for at least a tiny smile, but found no such luck: her back was still turned to him.
Ralph frowned and sighed, placing the cake on his desk. "Come on, it helped when Remus was teaching me," he started, reaching down into a drawer to pull out a plastic knife and cups. Ones that Miranda had obviously put there herself, because he would rather just eat with his hands, but now was not the time. Now was the time for happy chocolate cake time. Who didn't love chocolate cake? Maybe not people who were allergic to chocolate, but... they already had a pretty worser off existence since they were allergic to chocolate in the first place.
"You'll get it soon, I promise." He handed her a poorly cut, but large piece of cake, mustering the biggest smile he could for her. Ralph couldn't lie, ever since the earthquake, he couldn't help but feel completely depressed and stupid for-- for everything! For not teaching Miranda the patronus sooner, for not being there when it happened, for not being able to help her father---
He blinked, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, closed and locked behind a very heavy door. Now was not the time to be thinking about those things. Now was only the time to focus on being happy, teaching Miranda the patronus to avoid another event like this, he had too--- he needed cake.
"See--- look. I'm having a piece too."
Why did the stupid cake have to smell so good?
Miranda used all her will power and control to keep her nose from twitching at the cake. She even lifted her chin up in a snotty manner to truly express how she was
not going to indulge herself with the sweets. Miranda felt stupid enough for not being able to get the spell right after all this practice, she wasn't about to make a mess eating cake. Not like it was going to help
anyway, she was beyond useless and was never going to get the patronus to come out right. Miranda turned to face Ralph again, her annoyed expression having melted quickly into one of deep forlorn at her thoughts, "I can't do it, I'm too stupid to get it."
This past year had made Miranda think she could accomplish
anything, but the earthquake had literally shaken all of that self-esteem out of her. She was just another fumbling Gryffindor who liked to prance around on stage, and even
that couldn't make her happy anymore. All day long she found herself hurriedly following her brothers around, hoping they'd give her something to do. Again, she felt
useless, and this stupid spell was making it more and more evident how true that statement really was.
Feeling embarrassed now (even though she'd been the one to press the hurtful feelings on herself), Miranda ducked her head, her mouth twisting greatly as she tried to stop her eyes from watering.
"Noooo, noo!" Ralph responded immediately, shaking his head feverishly. That wasn't
true, that wasn't true at all! He continued to shake his head as he inched the two plates back onto his desk. How could Miranda say that? This was
hard, no one got it with one try--- well, Dedalus probably did because he was sickeningly focused and powerful like that--- but, for the rest of everyone
else, it was challenging! Extremely! It had taken him full
days of intensive yelling and focusing just for him to partially get it. The first time he had
actually created a patronus was during the earthquake two weeks ago, so what did
that say
And,
and with what had happened to her father--- again, Ralph felt a large lump settle itself in his throat--- Miranda had it doubly hard. Ralph knew he couldn't say that to her, but she must know it on some level? It was just going to take time, and a lot of patience. And it wasn't exactly like he was the best teacher either: he should have asked Remus or Frank to teach her.
"Miranda," Ralph said firmly, refusing to let herself think this any longer. He took her by the shoulders and dipped his chin low to catch her gaze. "Listen to me, you are
not too stupid. At
all. You'll get it, you will. It's just---" A lot of descriptive words could be used here, but Ralph chose a more appropriate one "---
taxing." His tone was surprisingly business-like for those few moments, and he nodded his head along slowly.
Argh, that didn't last. "Don't cry," he buckled, speaking in a much softer tone as he leaned forward to her more. "You shouldn't--- it's not--- please eat cake?"
A theater professor she had told her earlier this year that when you wanted to cry on stage, you didn't
try to cry. People didn't
try to cry, they tried
not to cry, and that was what caused the tears to form, your expression to grimace, and your feelings to feel like they were bursting out of every pore of your body. That's what Miranda felt like right now, she'd tried to mimic this feeling millions of times, but hadn't quite
got it. And now she knew exactly what to do next time she was prompted to cry. Her chest ached, her shoulders shook; she felt like collapsing into Ralph and nothing he could say would make it better.
Nothing! That's what it was, there was a deep, gaping
hole inside of her. All she could think about was her daddy, and how this feeling was
exactly what she had endured when she thought Ralph was dead, but---Ralph came back, he
was back, but---her daddy
wasn't coming back, he
couldn't. She couldn't remember how she'd gone day to day during the time Ralph was missing, so--so right
now it was trying to figure out how to make it from the time she woke up until she had to go to sleep. How did you push through a day when you didn't have anything you wanted to do?
This, though, the bloody patronus! Miranda thought that learning it would give her some sense of relief and hope, but all it was doing was making her feel like she was a complete failure. She
had to get it! Miranda sat loosely in Ralph's grip, still staring down at the ground as she managed to
not cry, though it was proving a bit painful to keep it back.
"Tell me again how to do it," she nearly whimpered, feeling around for her wand.
Ralph frowned deeply, unsure what to say. Miranda was in no state to be practicing now, she refused to eat the cake, and she was making him think unhappy thoughts just watching her! She wasn't helping herself--- maybe it would be a better idea to be done for the day. No? Yes. He could put his foot down! They would try again tomorrow, and again and again and again until she got it. While there was something of a rush for Miranda to master the charm, Ralph realized it wasn't worth making her this miserable.
"I think--- we should stop for the day," he started carefully, nodding slightly as he spoke. "You're tired and--- I'm tired--" At this point, he really just wanted to eat something and be done with this. The Patronus was important yes, but right now, a lot more things seemed important to him. Like getting Miranda's mind off this track she had put herself on.
"Take a break. Get your mind off it for a while and rest," Ralph finished hopefully, knowing there was a fifty percent chance she would not like what he was saying. But---! Was it that bad? For him to just let her take it easy for once? He felt
bad, horrible, and half the time had no idea what to say because he
never knew what to say, that was what Miranda was good at, not him.
"Like go to the park."
The park sounded like a really,
really good idea. They could also just curl up in his bed and not move for hours, she could deal with that too. Miranda nearly let out an acceptance, but even though she was nearly
sure that she wanted to go through with either of those things, she just stood up and pushed her feet into the carpet, mimicking the stance Ralph had showed her earlier that day, "Just---one more try?"
Miranda peeked over at him quickly before she looked back at the spot on the floor where she hoped her patronus would appear. Maybe doing it one last time would make her feel better, that made sense, right? Try one more time so she made the
effort, and then if she didn't, she could have already settled in her mind that she would try again tomorrow. It made sense, there weren't any
real goals for her to reach, just one. More. Try.
"Help me---think of something, to think about," she said, her voice becoming shaky. Miranda felt like she was finally voicing the one thing that was keeping her from performing. She couldn't think of a happy enough thought to create her patronus. Everything that came to mind, her family, Ralph---all her thoughts and memories of them lead back to the terrible things that had happened. Then the fact that all her loved ones had been
hurt came to haunt her, and it was just one vicious cycle that she needed to get out of.
Ralph would be the one to help her through it, though. Miranda fully turned to face him now, her face and voice pleading, "Please? Can you remind me of---what life was...before?" Before her father had died? Before Ralph's life had turned upside down? It seemed like so long ago.
She wanted him to--- Ralph felt his stomach quickly tighten. That was--- that was
hard, how would he know--- well of course he knew how Miranda felt most of the time, but, but--- it was completely different, you had to
feel it, she had to
feel it deep down, and sometimes you couldn't describe that! Ralph would try, of course, but--- what if--- he didn't want to-- get her
hopes up if his help only made her feel worse.
Ralph took a deep breath and nodded. Just one more try, how could one more try hurt? A lot, actually but... he wasn't going to think about that. Happy thoughts, now they only had time for happy thoughts. He stood up to match her pose, but giving enough space for her to try.
"Remember--- think of school, think of the Tower, how much fun it was then--- remember how happy you were when you got to see Grease." Ralph himself smiled lightly at the memory of their seventh year musical. He still looked fondly back on it, despite all the--- drama, he would call it drama, that had been attached to it. "Remember when I stopped being a prick, and you got back from Mungo's--- those few days before we put on Grease for you? Remember how you felt when you opened the Great Hall doors, and the
whole stage lighting up for you, with your one seat----"
Miranda let out a choking laugh, "You
were a bit of a prick," she laughed, smiling tightly at him. Their seventh year of Hogwarts--that was a time that
drama wasn't life-threatening. That year had made her cry so much, but at the same time she'd never been happier, her friends had never been closer, and
life had never been better. Miranda forced herself not to think about how quickly life had changed since then, and instead focused on her fondest memories. Directing Grease had been what helped her settle on a career choice, what she wanted to
do for the rest of her life. Not even being on stage, though she loved that
too, but working in the theater made Miranda so happy---
That wasn't enough. Miranda couldn't feel the warmth in her chest that she believed was needed to perform the patronus. She felt Ralph move beside her, muttering some other memories he was trying to brew up for her, and her mind shot back to the night in the hospital wing, after the brutal quidditch match against the Hufflepuffs---more specifically, Ralph versus Ludo Bagman. Miranda had been terrified that Ralph was severely hurt, and that she wouldn't be able to see him or speak to him again because of their rocky relationship status, but---
that night, they had reaffirmed to each other that they were always going to be together, no matter how stupid they might behave.
And they could be pretty damn stupid.
She took a breath and swished her wand, her face flushing a deep red as she thought about the
other, dirtier events that had occurred that night (in that bed!), "
Expecto Patronum!"
Her eyes opened,
hoping to see a...a horse, or a cute little bunny, but Miranda was happily surprised to see...well, it was still a bit of a fog, but it was a
waddling bit of fog--"It has
feet!" she squeaked, hurling herself into Ralph's chest.
Oh thank god.
Ralph wasn't sure who was happier at that moment, him or Miranda, but he was sure it was pretty darn close. Progress! Progress was
good, especially with this, it was good on so many levels he didn't even know where to start, but all he knew was that this was awesome. Feeling as if the heaviest weight in the world had finally been lifted off his shoulders, Ralph beamed, his mouth forming a wide, open smile.
It didn't matter what the hell it was suppose to be, because it had something to walk on.
"It has feet!" he repeated excitedly, wrapping his arms around her for a bone crushing hug. Feet were followed by a body, which was followed by a head, which was followed by a complete corporeal patronus! Miranda had basically just performed a Patronus Charm! He could sing, he could dance, maybe attempt to perform both at the same time. Roughly, Ralph took her by the head, insuring she would stand still as he kissed her will all the force he could muster.
They were not making it to the park today.
