Cael Gray (winsome_wizard) wrote in valesco,
@ 2012-01-17 01:56:00

Entry tags:

Cecilia
1983 was supposed to be a new year – he had it set in his mind that it would be different than 1982, seeing how the tail end of that year had been far crazier than he ever could have imagined. Ever since he had come back from Sweden, his days went from being mundane and boring to slightly overwhelming; all because of a beautiful girl he had met at a bar one night, who thought he was just another jackass who was trying to get into her pants. Truthfully he had been intrigued by her since the first moment his eyes landed on her, sitting all by herself on a stool, and that interest only intensified when he finally dared to buy her a drink and start a conversation with her.

If Cael had to be honest with himself, he had never imagined being so drawn to someone like her – someone who was so completely opposite, who had such different interests and points of view. In theory, they should have been disastrous together, especially when looking at their previous relationships, but somehow they just…worked. They worked better than he could have hoped.

Only she was engaged, and her family was chock full of elitist purebloods who spat (sometimes literally) at those who with even a drop of muggle blood in their system. If her parents knew, that despite being promised to another man she was living with him, they probably would have died of a heart attack. Cae felt the weight of the decision Cecilia had to make on his own shoulders, fearing that one day she was going to walk in the front door and tell him that she had made up her mind, and that she would be leaving in the morning to stay with her fiancé.

If he told anyone that he was living with an engaged woman, they would have called him crazy – that was why he hadn’t been to see Charlie, Delilah, or any of his friends since she announced her engagement. How was he supposed to explain that he was seeing this amazing, beautiful girl, but they couldn’t meet her because she might be married to some other guy at the end of the month? Maybe he was crazy, but he didn’t want to believe it. He needed to have faith that he had done everything to prove that he was the right choice, but in the end, it would all come down to Cecilia.

Squeezing the tennis ball that he had picked up from the ground, he tossed it across his backyard so that Karma could chase after it, pouncing on the little green ball before placing it between her teeth to bring back to her owner, so he could do it again. It was getting cold, but he had been home for a while, waiting for Cecilia to return from wherever she had run off to. He didn’t ask too many questions, since most of the time he was certain he didn’t want to know where she was going, or who she was talking to. He threw the ball again, slipping his hands into his pockets once they were both empty, letting out a breath that he could see in the cold air that surrounded him.

This was always the worst part of his nights – wondering when she was going to come back, if she would at all.

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cecilias
2012-01-17 05:55 am UTC (link)

It wasn't something that you decided very easily or quickly, to choose between the thing you felt was right, and the thing you had, from infancy, been taught was right. To choose an overwhelming but intangible emotion over everything she had ever known as truth, and everyone while she was at it, was not a decision one came to easily. It didn't matter how indignant she felt at her parents for their treatment of her, or the disgraceful looks of her former friends, or at herself for spending so long allowing herself to bend to the will of everyone else around her. It still wasn't easy to tell the people who had brought you into this world to go and fuck themselves and that you truly, sincerely did not care if they never spoke to you again.

And yet that's what Cecilia Hooke had just done.

She felt numb as she stepped out of the Floo and into the house she currently shared with her boyfriend, not really knowing what came next after all this or even grasping entirely just how drastically her life had just changed. The only thing she felt was a burning, hand-shaped space on her arm where her mother had last grabbed her before she left the bridal shop. Eliza Hooke had gripped her daughter in such heavy insistence that the yelling and verbal warnings of what would happen, did she indeed walk out that door, were rendered unnecessary. And truthfully, Cecilia couldn't remember a single word of it anyway. All she knew was that she'd heard it all before, it was all old news, and she just didn't care anymore.

Her feet lead her towards the door to the back yard without her having to think about it, as if somehow sensing that that's where Cael would be. While she truly didn't know what came after all of this, she did know that it must start with seeing him. If there was one thing to do at a time like this, it was to make sure that the reason for all of this disaster was still there, to reassure herself that this had not been a waste. If he were to turn and vanish at that very moment, she might as well do so too. He had no idea yet, but he was all she had left, now.

Her hand raised to slide open the glass door to the yard and she stepped out onto the grass in her heels and dress. Despite being so put together-- her mother would have accepted no less of a future bride, of course--, the blank but tired face she wore must have made Cecilia seem like an uncoordinated mess. A white lily, tucked behind her ear by a bridesmaid as they cooed at her in her dress, was grabbed quickly and crushed in her fist, then dropped to the ground. She didn't want to think about that bridal shop, or those dresses, or those women ever again after this day.

"I'm home," she spoke. Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears, like she wasn't the same person anymore. Maybe she wasn't. "I'm not going back."

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winsome_wizard
2012-01-17 11:11 pm UTC (link)

Cael turned to look over his shoulder when he heard the glass door slide open. She was the only one he had expected to see, but he would have been foolish to not be at least a little paranoid about the possibility of someone else showing up unexpectedly at his home. Then again, he suspected that if anyone else were to show up, they would have been stealthier about coming through the house, seeing how they would have had to go through a few wards just to get through the front door. Maybe he was just being paranoid, but he had lost too many friends because of blood wars, so he couldn’t help feeling that his anxiety was justified.

Pivoting, he took slow steps towards her, watching as Karma trotted up to nudge her hand with her nose, begging for attention before being distracted by the white flower that was crumpled up on the deck. Cael probably wouldn’t have even noticed the lily otherwise, but he knew it had to have been dropped there by Cecilia, and that she wanted nothing to do with it, for whatever reason.

A crease appeared between his brows at her words, searching her face, trying to figure out if she meant what he thought she meant.

“You’re not going back…”

He repeated what she said, as though this would help him figure out what she meant by that, exactly. It didn’t.

“Does that mean what I think it means?”

He wasn’t sure if she meant that she wasn’t going back to wherever she had been before arriving back at his house, or if she was there to stay for good, or…well, he didn’t know how many other options there were, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up over nothing.

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cecilias
2012-01-18 12:05 am UTC (link)

Cecilia wondered what else Cael thought it could mean besides what she meant. Maybe she was just too deadened at the moment to the world around her to comprehend anything except for what she'd just done, but she really couldn't fathom that there could be any other reason she would say those words to him.

She was all too aware of what she had just done, and yet when she opened her mouth to explain, it felt as if a hand had come up to grab her around the throat. Cecilia closed her mouth again and shook her head, looking at the flower on the ground from around the dog's head. No, she didn't know if she could say it.

It wasn't-- it wasn't as if she regretted it. The feeling was nothing like that, of course. If there had been any inkling in her mind that she was making the wrong decision, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. It was just that... it was all so new, so raw just yet. Maybe it would have been better to not come straight home to him. Maybe she should have gone to see Adamina or Nick and let it all sink in before this.

Maybe. But she hadn't done that. So now she was here, standing in front of Cael, and he expected an answer. It must be killing him to wait for her to pull herself together. If he really didn't know what she was saying, she thought she must be putting him through a bit of worry.

What was it she had said to Kalista just the day before? What's done is done. You just had to accept it and get over it and move on. She had to just get over what she had done and move forward, and the first step was telling him.

Cecilia raised her head finally after a tense silence and her hand reached out instictively, tucking into his coat pocket to grab one of his. A ghost of a smile -- not exactly happy, but not sad either -- played across her features as she gazed upon his face, and she took a deep breath in.

"I mean it's over. With them. I mean I'm not -- engaged anymore."

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winsome_wizard
2012-01-18 04:51 am UTC (link)

She was definitely worrying him, standing there so silent, unable to speak even when she tried to. What did that mean? Was she scared to tell him something? If so, what could she possible have to say that she saw as too difficult? He tried not to let it show too much on his face, but unfortunately for Cael he had always been the type of person who could be read like a book, which made him a terrible liar and poker player. Cecilia, on the other hand, was as hard to read as brail that was just out of reach, which at times proved to be incredibly frustrating.

He felt the warmth of her hand as she curled her fingers around his, looking down to watch her remove his hand from his pocket in order to get a better hold of it. His eyes flickered to her lips, which twitched upwards even though the expression just barely reached her eyes by the time crystal blues were focused on the mosaic specks of earthy tones peering up at him from between her eyelashes.

Her words made him stare at her for a moment, wanting to be able to celebrate right there on the spot – but there were so many reasons why he stood as still as ever, doing nothing more than tightening his grip on her hand. For starters, it was one of those announcements that took a good minute to process, and then there was the factor of knowing what went along with her calling off the engagement, which was why, he suspected, it took her so long just to be able to tell him.

Still, he couldn’t help the look of immense, momentary relief that crossed his features.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

He looked down at the hand he was holding – her left. His thumb ran over the back of her bare ring finger, still trying to digest everything.

“I’ve been hoping you’d say that for quite some time…”

His eyes found hers again, and unable to help himself, he allowed an almost sheepish smile to cross his features at the admittance. She had to have known that he had been wishing, praying for this since she had told him she was engaged in the first place. If she didn’t, than he couldn’t even be sure why she had made the decision that she had.

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cecilias
2012-01-18 06:37 am UTC (link)

Cecilia couldn't tell what it was, but something in the tone of his voice and the look on his face loosened the death grip that fear and worry had taken on her heart. Not much, not enough to cause her to relax, but she had undeniably felt the chains slacken the tiniest bit. Even that much felt wonderful.

She knew she would probably never stop worrying after this. After living in the world she'd lived in for the last 21 years, she knew better than most that she couldn't just expect things to end so simply and cleanly. She had known of more than one blood traitor -- was that what she was now? That seemed impossible -- who had paid for their betrayal in scary and terrible ways. She knew the people who had made them pay. Walking out on her family had done much more than free her of her fiance and overbearing parents; it had perhaps put herself, and Cael, in the line of fire for Merlin only knew what.

At least they didn't know who he was. Yet. Cecilia had always been very careful with those who knew anything about her clandestine relationship not to mention the who, when, or where. It was almost like she had known all along that this would become a concern and that she would want to know later on that she had kept as much to herself as she could.

Not that any amount of secrecy would protect him forever.

That grim thought was enough to give those old chains around her heart a solid yank, and Cecilia stepped forward suddenly and buried her face in his chest. Her free arm went around Cael's back and clutched at him tightly. Her hand in his pocket gripped his and she closed her eyes, trying her best to convince herself that it would be alright. He was here now, at least. He was still here now.

"They're going to come after me," she muttered, letting her thoughts out into the open. At least he should know that, what she had just gotten him into. "They're going to come after you, too. I'm so sorry."

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winsome_wizard
2012-01-21 05:04 am UTC (link)

His arm wrapped around her as she stepped forward, seeking a place where she could feel safe, and protected. While she may be hard to read, he was certain he had never seen this amount of vulnerability from her before, and suddenly she seemed so much smaller in his arms. He took in a deep breath through his nose, exhaling is as a steady exhale through his mouth, his eyes falling closed as he digested the harsh reality of their situation.

“I feel if there’s anyone who should be apologizing for all of this, it’s me…but I won’t.”

He lifted his hand in order to stroke at her hair, tilting his head in order to bury his face into the waves of chestnut and gold, which as per usual held the scent of her shampoo, though there was an added layer of lily thanks to the flower that had been there just a few moments ago.

There was a long pause, and finally he swallowed thickly before speaking again.

“I won’t apologize for falling in love with you…”

He should have said that to her so long ago – he should have told her how he truly felt about her, but he feared that it wouldn’t have done anything to make her decision any easier. If anything, it probably would have just complicated things, if she decided that doing as her parents commanded was the best thing for her to do. He didn’t say it in order for her to tell him that she loved him too, but he thought that she had a right to know that she had given up her life, and her family, for a man who was going to do everything he could to protect her, and keep her from being hurt.

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cecilias
2012-01-21 06:03 am UTC (link)

She knew what he had said, and yet for some reason the words didn't really register in Cecilia's mind for the longest of moments as the stood there wrapped up in his arms. She could have said that she was too lost in thought, but it wasn't that-- she had heard what he said when he said it. It was just, for some reason, a delayed reaction on her part. In fact, it may have taken her a full half minute to realize what was going on... And suddenly, she felt her heart stop out of nowhere.

Cecilia's head shot up, the most sincere look of surprise and bewilderment painted on her face. There was no doubting that she had genuinely not been expecting that, of all things, to come out of Cael's mouth at that moment. After all, I love you was not easy to say, right? That's what she knew from all the time she'd spent fighting with a certain Evan Rosier about why he wouldn't. Of course he had finally confessed, but that had been a very long time after they had started dating, which was apparently how it was supposed to be. So... this, now? What was this?

"I--" It was a rare sight to see her so stunned and lost for words. Cecilia prided herself on her general ability to retain composure in many situations, but she felt utterly thrown through a loop here. She didn't even have time to worry about if she reciprocated the feelings -- or think about that. She hadn't even thought about it before, how was that? -- All she knew was that he had said it and there was simply no possible way...

"You-- Are you sure?" she ventured, looking straight up at him, like a child looking to her father in expectation of some new wonderful toy. She wasn't being scrutinizing... just flabbergasted. Amazed. Her heart felt like it was doing flips inside her chest. No, it wasn't a bad emotion at all, it was just that... He really was the opposite of Evan, if he truly meant that. "I mean-- really?"

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winsome_wizard
2012-01-21 06:36 am UTC (link)

He would have been full of shit if he tried to say that waiting so long for a reaction from her didn’t feel like an eternity, and that his stomach hadn’t done at least a dozen nervous flips. He had never actually said those words to a woman before, since he had always been under the impression those weren’t words to say unless you actually meant them. He had thought maybe he had been there before, with other women – he thought he had been there before with Cecilia, during certain moments – but he was finally sure of himself now. He wasn’t sure what he would have done with himself if she had come back with different news, but the amount of relief he felt when she told him that she wasn’t going anywhere, despite the consequences, that was impossible to ignore.

When she pulled away to look up at him, his brows lifted slightly. Was she upset? No, she didn’t look sad, she looked…confused, and her questions only confirmed his suspicions. He stood there, watching the way a word like ‘love’ affected her. It really was amazing, how much power came from one small, monosyllabic word. He almost couldn’t help the way his lips twitched into a subtle smirk as his hand moved behind her neck, drawing her in towards him.

“C’mere…”

Instead of verbally confirming that he meant what he said, he decided it would be more effective if he kissed her in a way that would make it impossible for her to think he was just messing with her.

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cecilias
2012-01-21 07:14 am UTC (link)

Oh.

Well, that was difficult to argue with.

Cecilia felt like her heart would leap out of her chest and it was the very strangest thing. It wasn't like this last time. Not just the circumstances, but the atmosphere and the emotion was wholly different from the last time a man had told her he loved her. And really, she couldn't quite get a grasp around that, because neither time did she feel anything less than elated. But with Evan, emotion was always hard-fought and painful. The end was worth the fight, but the fight was draining and had left her exhausted. With Cael, it was just... easy. It was simple, like reading off a well-established fact. 'I love you. Oh, and did you know the sky is blue?'

That was just so freeing, in so many ways. She had this room to breathe with him that she hadn't experienced before, because things were just what they were and there was no skipping around the idea until both sides were spent and had nearly given up.

It struck her just then: everything Cecilia had thought up until this point was an impregnable wall in the face of their being together was all in her imagination. She had been making this hard, when really it had been so clear-cut all along. She had turned into exactly what had caused her so much frustration in Evan, and been the one who was locking her own heart up in a glass box and refusing to realize that things could be easy if she just let them be.

Of course, her parents, her friends, the disgrace she'd caused herself-- none of that had been easy. But how much strife could she have saved them both if she had just refused her parents from the beginning? She must have known all along that she couldn't marry this other man when she felt such peace waking up next to Cael Gray every morning. What had taken her so long? How was it that she had managed to become so hopelessly scared and lost when she had such a good thing right in front of her?

Feeling altogether renewed by her realization, Cecilia reached a hand up to hold his cheek, cold from the winter air, and pushed back against him fiercely. She didn't let go for the longest time, until she was absolutely forced to come up for air-- even then she went back for one more, lingering kiss. When she finally pulled back for good, she was smiling. Really smiling, for the first time in years.

"I love you too," she breathed out at once. A second ago she hadn't known what she felt, but she said it with such a rock solid certainty now. There was no mistaking that this was what this was. "I really, really love you too."

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