xavier macnair. (xav) wrote in paddedrooms,
@ 2013-01-27 00:07:00

Part of Xavier was ashamed. He'd slept with Cepheus again, but he and Caspar weren't officially together, so it wasn't really cheating, and now they had all their feelings out of the way and he had Cepheus's permission to go and get Caspar. He felt much better, after spending the day with Cepheus. Lighter. That part of his life was settled now and all the loose ends had been tied up.

He'd bought Caspar some flowers on the way from taking a shower at his flat and changing clothes. Cepheus had left some bruises, but that was okay. Xavier would explain everything. He knocked on Caspar's door.

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caspr
2013-01-27 06:27 am UTC (link)

"I can sing high and low. I can sing out in the snow." Caspar sang as he stood in front of a mirror and practiced his facial expressions while he sang. "I am the greatest you know. Anastasia is a big fat ho."

He turned when he heard a knock on the door, turning on some music to sing along to once he got whomever it was to go away. He opened the door as he was singing part of Rose's Turn and arched a brow. "You brought me flowers?" He asked, singing. "What did you do?"

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xav
2013-01-27 06:31 am UTC (link)

Xavier wasn't expecting the singing. He blinked at Caspar for a moment, then leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Nothing," he said. "Well, I guess technically, something, but they were supposed to be celebration flowers."

He gave Caspar a hopeful look. "I saw Cepheus. We got everything between us settled. I came to ask you to be my boyfriend." Xavier held out the flowers. "I want you."

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	caspr 2013-01-27 06:48 am UTC (link)
	Caspar looked back at Xavier for a moment. The fact that he'd seen Cepheus made him slightly nervous, even if he was asking him to be his boyfriend. He smiled and took the flowers, then leaned in and kissed Xavier softly. "I'm already your boyfriend. But, now it's official." He motioned towards the couch. "I'm practicing. I've got to keep my voice warmed up." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-27 06:51 am UTC (link)

Xavier kissed Caspar back and moved to sit on the couch. "I don't mind hearing you sing," he said, smiling at him. "Your voice is so beautiful. Even when you're just singing normal conversation."

He looked at his hands for a moment. "I... should tell you. When I saw Cepheus old feelings bubbled up. We... sort of hooked up, but it was only to say goodbye. We're completely platonic."

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	caspr 2013-01-27 06:57 am UTC (link)
	That bothered Caspar. He turned to look at him, giving him a hurt look. He knew that he'd slept with Xavier while he was with Cepheus, but, he felt like this was different. This actually hurt him. He stopped singing. "Being platonic and fucking isn't possible." He told him, then turned away from him, walking over to his ipod, flipping through the songs. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-27 07:05 am UTC (link)

"Yes it is," Xavier said, frowning a little but trying not to be too load or insistent. He was the one who'd slept with someone else. Caspar was automatically the one in the right here. "The platonic part came after we had sex."

He watched Caspar shuffling through his ipod. "I don't want to be with him, but we were together for two years and we didn't break up on good terms. We needed to just... get everything out of the way. And we did. We're both in a much better place because we had sex, but it's not something either of us wants again."

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caspr
2013-01-27 07:12 am UTC (link)

"You're trying to justify yourself, but even you don't sound too positive about it." Caspar told him with a soft sigh, stopping his Ipod completely. He shook his head and looked at Xavier.

"I thought that once you weren't with him anymore, I wouldn't have to go through this." Caspar said quietly, shaking his head. "I don't want your I'm-sorry-I-fucked-someone flowers."

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	xav 2013-01-27 07:16 am UTC (link)
	"That's not what they are," Xavier insisted. "That's not why I bought them. I bought them because now we can be together. We don't have to worry about anyone else. It's just us." He gave Caspar a pleading look. "I swear I have no desire to sleep with him again. We were just saying goodbye." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-27 07:26 am UTC (link)
	"How would you feel if I went out and slept with someone?" Caspar asked, shaking his head. "If I just went out and slept with someone to say goodbye to my being single?" He shook his head. "There's not a difference. The fact here is that you've hurt my feelings and now you're treating it like it's nothing. And that makes it even worse." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-27 07:31 am UTC (link)

"No, I care about your feelings, Caspar," Xavier insisted. "I'm sorry that I hurt them. I don't like that I did. But there is a difference between this and you sleeping with someone random. This was just a break up thing. It's just what happens."

He stood up, walking over and touching Caspar's cheek. "I'm sorry," Xavier said. "I'm sorry I hurt you. You're right. I wouldn't like it if you slept with someone else. It would drive me crazy."

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caspr
2013-01-27 07:38 am UTC (link)

Caspar looked back at Xavier with tears filling his eyes. He'd thought that he was enough for Xavier. But, the bullshit that Xavier was coming up with just hurt even more. He closed his eyes and let the tears streak down his cheeks.

"Just... stop talking. You're making it worse." Caspar pulled back from him. "It's not just what happens. At all. It's not." He shook his head. "It happened because you let it happen. It didn't have to happen. Maybe you don't want me as much as you think you do."

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	xav 2013-01-27 07:41 am UTC (link)
	"I've wanted you my whole life," Xavier said, letting Caspar pull away. "Ask any of my friends, Cas. I've wanted to be with you for as long as I've wanted to be with anyone. You're the only one for me." He reached out, touching his hand. "I'm sorry, Caspar. Please. I don't want to lose you when we've finally found each other." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-27 07:50 am UTC (link)
	"I'm allowed to be upset about this, Xavier." Caspar told him, looking up at him with a frown. "Sure, you dated him for two years. But, he cheated on you more than once. And yet you still felt inclined to sleep with him. Knowing that I'm your..." He shook his head. "You don't even know me, Xavier. You wanted your childhood friend back. Not a lover." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-27 08:02 am UTC (link)

"I know you're allowed to be upset," Xavier said. "I just don't want us to break up because of it. I cheated on Cepheus too, remember? Maybe I only did it once, but I wanted to do it more than that, as soon as I found you again."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I know you well enough to know that I want to be with you. You haven't changed that much since we were kids."

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	caspr 2013-01-27 08:06 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah. You cheated on Cepheus. And now you've cheated on me." Caspar told him, shaking his head. "Maybe you're not capable of being faithful. How am I supposed to trust you after this?" Caspar frowned at that. "I've changed a lot since we were kids. I still have the same dream, but I'm different." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-27 08:12 am UTC (link)

"I only slept with Cepheus because we had stuff that was unresolved," Xavier said, for what felt like the hundredth time. He didn't understand what Caspar didn't understand about that. "You can't complain about me cheating on Cepheus. I only did that because it was you."

He shook his head. "I know you'd changed. But you're still the same too. You're still... you. Okay? I care about you."

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	caspr 2013-01-27 08:19 am UTC (link)
	"Fine. You care about me." Caspar shook his head and fell back on the couch. He felt miserable now. Like maybe he wasn't really enough for Xavier. Like he may find that he actually really wants Cepheus back. He ran a hand through his hair, not sure what to say to Xavier. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	xav 2013-01-27 08:27 am UTC (link)
	Xavier pursed his lips for a moment, then sat next to Caspar on the couch. "You're still mad," he said, because it was obvious. "I'm sorry." He reached out, touching Caspar's hand. "Do you want me to leave? Would that help?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-27 08:28 am UTC (link)
	"If you leave, I'll just sit here and think about how much I hate you for leaving." Caspar admitted, looking down at his hands in his lap. He picked at his nail and then let out a soft smile. "I'm pissed at you. You're making it seem like this is nothing." Caspar told him. "If I'd had a boyfriend and I did this to you, you'd be furious." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	xav 2013-01-27 08:39 am UTC (link)
	"I... yes," Xavier admitted, after a moment. "I would be. I'd want to punch him until his face looked like hamburger." He mussed up his own hair again. "I didn't think of it like that. I'm sorry. It really wasn't... we didn't even kiss during or anything." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-27 08:52 am UTC (link)
	"You're not going to make any of this better by trying to make it trivial." Caspar frowned at Xavier, shaking his head. "You're only pissing me off more. So shut up." He ran a hand through his hair. "Just... give me time to stop being mad at you." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	xav 2013-01-27 08:56 am UTC (link)
	"Okay, I'll stop," Xavier said. He reached out, tentatively, and touched Caspar's hair. "I'm sorry I made you so upset. I'm going to work to be better for you." He pulled his hand back. "I want to be a good boyfriend. Do you want to tell me about your week, maybe? Or your classes?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	caspr 2013-01-28 12:55 am UTC (link)
	"My week was a lot of practicing. And eating lunch with people I need to get in with so I can become something." Caspar told him, shrugging. "I auditioned for a few small productions and got the lead in a school production of Les Mis." He shrugged. "So, nothing really happened." He told him. "What about you? Other than fucking someone else." (Reply to this)(Parent)

xav
2013-01-28 12:59 am UTC (link)

Xavier stared at Caspar for a moment. "You got the lead in the school musical and that's nothing?" he asked. "That's amazing, Caspar. Who's the lead in Les Mis? Jean Val-Jean?"

But Caspar was still pissed at him, so praising probably didn't help much. "I dyed Elodie's hair blue. Well, I gave her blue streaks. Worked. That's pretty much it. What productions did you audition for?"

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	caspr 2013-01-28 02:17 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah. Jean Val-Jean." Caspar told him with a shrug. "I'm looking forward to it, but I'll be practicing a lot. So, I won't be home very often. And when I am, I'll be working on what I have to do." He shrugged. "A few no name plays that are low production. And there's a production of Rent. I auditioned for Roger." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-28 02:27 am UTC (link)

Xavier nodded. "That's fine," he said. "Your work is important. I'll see you whenever you've got space in your schedule for me. Maybe I can come meet you for lunch at your school or something."

He smiled at Caspar. Cepheus had gotten annoyed at him, but with Cepheus annoyance had usually turned into sex. Xavier had a feeling Caspar would object to Xavier trying to stick it in when he was specifically annoyed about Xavier sleeping with someone else. "You'd be a great Roger."

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	caspr 2013-01-28 03:58 am UTC (link)
	"I know I would. People tell me I should audition for Mark, but I feel like I'd make a better Roger." Caspar told him with a shrug. "I've got the hair for it. You know? Like the movie version." He sighed softly. "Why would you sleep with him?" He asked quietly. "Am I not enough for you?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-28 04:03 am UTC (link)

"People who tell you to go for Mark don't appreciate your full range as an actor," Xavier said, shaking his head. "You're great. You could play any roll you wanted to."

He paused, when Caspar brought it up again, and then sighed. "It's... I know it just sounds like an excuse to you, but it really want just saying goodbye. We just needed to lose all the baggage we were clinging to from out past together and confirm that neither of us hated the other. Which we did."

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	caspr 2013-01-28 04:07 am UTC (link)
	Caspar shook his head at that. "You couldn't have had a nice long conversation over a kettle of tea?" He asked, frowning back at his so-called boyfriend. "I'm really upset about this, Xavier." He told him quietly. "I'm not sure I can even trust you anymore." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

xav
2013-01-28 04:17 am UTC (link)

"I don't know what else we could have done, but it's too late now," Xavier said, running a hand through his hair again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you and upset you, but this was it for us. I have no desire to be with Cepheus again."

He reached out, touching Caspar's hand. "Please. Caspar. I don't want to lose you now that I've finally got you back. What can I do?"

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caspr
2013-01-28 04:20 am UTC (link)

"Not cheat on me." Caspar told him as he looked back at the other boy. "That was your one job. To not cheat on me. We may not have been officially together, but we've been shagging and going on dates and spending all our time together. That means a lot to me."

He sighed softly. "I feel so scorned. Like a suburban house-wife who just found out her husband is sleeping with the gardener."

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	xav 2013-01-28 04:29 am UTC (link)
	Xavier found Caspar's drama endearing and he knew he wasn't supposed to. He was being punished right now. He was supposed to feel contrite. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm not sleeping with the gardener ever again. I promise." He lifted Caspar's hand to his lips, kissing the back of it. "All I want is you. Just you and me from now on with no one else." (Reply to this)(Parent)

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