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Sunday, March 30th, 2008
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7:21p - Whole Lotta Switching
So yeah, it's been a quite eventful weekend. I lost time (switched) on Friday. According to the information my bf gave me, Katie was present. Then on Saturday I also switched during a walk. I woke up in the middle of a forest and asked my bf, where the fuck are we? XD
And last night was a pain in the arse. Something weird happened, I woke up around 2 in the morning, and my head was full of accusations, flashbacks, all kinds of bad stuff. I couldn't get sleep until my darling asked me if I had a tranquilizer and I remembered that I had oxazepam with me. I took 15 mg and was asleep in 30 minutes. I woke up three hours after.
I realised that I switch either at home (when alone), at my apartment (when alone), and when alone, and with my bf. He's the only one I feel safe with. It was heartbreaking when he walked me to the train station today, and we hugged, and I almost broke down crying but I pulled myself together, took an another 15 mg tablet of Miss O. to ease the pain, and I managed to pull through for the whole trip.
I look forward to July, when I get notified whether I get into the uni in Sweden or not. I really want to go. I need to get out of here. I don't feel safe at home, and I don't feel safe in my apartment.
An another thing I guess is worth mentioning: I was seriously thinking of crushing all my old Seroquel tabs or just gathering them up in case a bad day comes up. At the time I was laying next to my darling, and I stroked his hair and said to myself, no, I can't do it, I love this person way too much. As pathetic as it may seem, he is the one I live for right now.
Maybe more reasons will come later.
current mood:  stressed
current music: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge (comment on this)
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