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Katie & friends ([info]_katies) wrote,
@ 2008-03-23 20:20:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood: depressed
Current music:Suzanne Vega - Luka

My memory sucks.
So, I guess it would be interesting to take a look into my history, the parts that I remember.

I was humiliated many times by being brought into situations where I would go mute. I knew I could talk, but I just... couldn't. My parents tried to make me talk, with no success. Today, we had visitors, and I was _this_ close to going mute again. It was very scary for us all, being so close to the edge.

Then there's the abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse.. I was beaten up for every single thing. I wasn't really "bad".. I don't even remember anything that I did that would have been "bad". I remember begging they wouldn't do it because I hadn't done anything, but it was done anyway..
There's not much that I remember.. Just the birthdays gone wrong, where I was made a fool and humiliated. There was just one that I remember. The rest I have no idea of. I don't remember any of the events that were held when the spring semester ended and we were let out for the summer. No idea at all. Even when I graduated from high school, I don't remember anything from the actual ceremony or my party. And I wasn't even drunk.

I started getting depressed at 13. Manic at 16. Rapid cycling at 17. Drug and alcohol abuse at 18. I think I always was with "several others" but now I have a name for them. I didn't realise they were "people" or "personalities". I just thought it was my own way of coping with things, that I had a weird way of thinking. Now that I know it is DID, it all makes perfect sense.

This is not much, but I hope it has shed at least some light on my past. I'm alive, I'm breathing, I'm fairly well. Three reasons to be happy today.


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