three
[PRIVATE
] I can't talk to a female without someone giving me a
look. And it takes me a minute or two or
three to figure out
why I'm getting a look, and then it suddenly dawns on me that my
wife died in May. Five months ago. And--that's bad. One, that it doesn't occur to me that
maybe contemplating flirting with someone would be a bad thing, two--that I forget that I'm a widower, and--I was sure there was a third. WELL,
three, because people should mind their own damn business.
But then I feel insanely guilty. Millie was the mother of my son and--
he was an accident, so it's not like I-- I should honor that, but, I mean. Even near the end, she was telling me about how she wanted to go and travel and do all these things, about how she knew I wouldn't want to, and--we were both just miserable, miserable and married because our parents are nuts and---
--and now she's gone, and I have--
no excuse- nothing and--either way I'm fucked. Be alone and with the kid and be miserable or get
looks and tongue clicking and---just.
I'm not really sad--am I sad? I don't think I loved her--she loved me, I think I did I don't know it wasn't--- I only meant to write down what I wanted to have for lunch today. Stupid---nosy people.
[/PRIVATE
]Is there going to be a Halloween costume contest, again? Or is there some tiny rule embedded in the latest Acts that prohibit some fun around this
hell hole- place?
