HEY, SO   
05:01pm 26/06/2009
mood: hopeful
There are only like... two people (maybe) who have ever read this journal, but

If you like Star Trek (the new movie OR the original series, EITHER ONE) and you also like Role Playing, then you should join this Star Trek Role Playing forum because we need a few more people before we can get this ball rolling anywhere. The storyline is not in any way set in stone (there IS a *suggestion box* where you can submit ideas that WILL very probably be used) and only a few characters are already taken.

I'm aware that I only know like two people on here, but if there's any chance you would pass the link along to anyone you know who might be interested, I'd really, really appreciate it. We've got a staff with lots of role playing experience (both online and tabletop) as well as lots of experience running role playing games, so I think this game would have some real potential if only I weren't such a hermit and knew more people.

Once again, the link is http://fracturedgalaxy.proboards.com/index.cgi and thank you very much for your time.

don't encroach on my loach   
01:20am 05/04/2009
mood: blah
do you ever just feel... insecure? i do it all the time. i don't mean socially or in terms of relationships (which, for me, are totally nonexistant anyway, hooray -_-) or whatever. no, maybe "insecure" is the wrong word. i just get really uncomfortable in my own skin. or almost stuck, somehow.

to become something is so difficult. and it takes so damn long. i feel like i'll just never be anything but mediocre. a failure. sometimes i really don't know if i have it in me to do much else.

...wow. when i started this, it wasn't such a downer. o_O
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oops, that was retarded   
01:14pm 01/03/2009
mood: bouncy
no more messing around worrying about shit.

well, maybe sometimes. but i can't change anything, so i might as well accept it and get on with life.

everyone, stop bitching with me. it will be an enriching experience, i promise.

and don't misunderstand the grammar, whatever you do. i mean 一緒にstop worrying about itしましょう -- let's all of us together quit complaining for a while and talk about something nice.

also: Don't shit your pants.

and to [info]luvotomy, i'm sorry i got so upset with you. i guess it was stupid. but whatever... i've known you forever. it's way too much work to stay upset for too long.
i mean that as a good thing. sorry if the phrasing is ambiguous. :3

holy shit, i might know how to place things diagonally for my sims now. *runs off frantically to test it*

04:43am 28/02/2009
  i'm really at a loss right now as to what exactly is bothering me. maybe i feel betrayed.

no, that's not quite right.

perhaps it's that i feel cast aside by everyone i thought i knew.

maybe it's cause this year marks the first time my parents have attacked me and kicked me out at the same time. i've never before had them come at me without being able to hide under my own blankets in my own bed after it was all over.

i think i'm over-sensitive to this sort of thing.

maybe i'm so negative all the time because i'm so insecure all the time. being mean to other people doesn't make me feel any better; that's not my motivation.

could be because things don't seem to go right, ever.

it's not like i complain all the time to complain. i do it because i don't know how else to converse. try growing up with parents like mine and being any other way. the fact is that i'm extremely awkward. and the fact is, it's because my parents never taught me the right way to act socially.

but now i just plain don't feel right. something's wrong about everything.

i'm having a lot of trouble sleeping lately.
06:29pm 26/01/2009
mood: okay
music: "Main Agar Kahoon" from Om Shanti Om
rules: it's harder than it looks! copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag 10 people. use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. they have to be real . . . nothing made up! if the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. you cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
no tags.

1. what is your name: k. elizabeth bowman. (and no, i will not tell you what the k stands for.)
2. a four letter word: know.
3. a boy's name: kieth.
4. a girl's name: kayla.
5. an occupation: kennel keeper.
6. a color: kiwi (the shade, not the food).
7. something you wear: kimono.
9. a food: kimchi.
10. something found in the bathroom: knick-knack.
11. a place: kansas!
12. a reason for being late: ...kayak accident?
13. something you shout: "kocchi koi!!"
14. a movie title: k-pax.
15. something you drink: kumquat juice.
16. a musical group: kat-tun.
17. an animal: koala.
18. a street name: kent.
19. a type of car: keystone.
20. the title of a song: "knowing me, knowing you" by abba.

04:48pm 21/01/2009
mood: confused
uh, that's "freedom" -- not "free doom." although i do offer free doom as well.

p.s. scribbld should let me update this thing properly. the box doesn't want me to type in it. ;-;
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in your face   
05:49pm 18/01/2009
mood: thoughtful
music: "Lonely Rolling Star" / from Katamari Damacy
okay, i hate to say this because it makes me sound like a total jerk, but... there is statute of limitations on bitching.

yea. i know. but it's true.

it's not like a set period of time. it depends on a few things. like what the hell your problem even is, for example. or how it relates, if at all to the victim of all the complaining.

as a side note, there will be no "you know who you are" because this person doesn't use scribbld. or, at least, doesn't know me on scribbld. but this rule is something that everyone should probably bear in mind. and i am included in everyone, so prease to stop before leaving me any "you bitch too much lolz hypocrite" comments, kthx.

^- wow, that all sounds a lot angrier than i am. i'm not really angry at all. just bored, or something.

...today just kind of weirdly sucked. -_-

p.s. sorry... i don't know who the actual artist of the song is. x_x

i get that life is hard for handicapped people, but that doesn't make it okay for someone with a disability to be a bitch and overreact all the time. seriously.
and just to keep all my bases covered because i fucking hate when people "misunderstand" just to be assholes, it's also not okay for people to point and be rude. that should be a given.
03:14pm 16/01/2009
mood: amused
music: "Silent Jealousy" / X Japan
my job is to go to my native americans class every day and take notes.

so, my job is to do everything i would normally do anyway.

i get paid at the end of the semester.

...lol, this job rules. 8D
sing, goddess, the rage of achilles...   
04:19pm 14/01/2009
mood: amused
music: "Slide" / Goo Goo Dolls
i would like to start by saying that [info]luvotomy is awesome. end of story. <3

what have i been doing lately...? eh. i've sorta been taking a break from persona 3. i'm nearing the end and i want to regain my previous ridiculous amount of excitement before i finish it.

school started today as well. it was pretty fun. )

in other news, i'm also finally getting paid for driving my pathetic brother around all the time. although $20 for a week of driving isn't really fair or worth it... eh. it's more worth it than it was with no money, i guess.

03:13pm 06/01/2009
mood: gloomy
music: "Mellan Oss Två" / Basshunter
well... i guess i just have to start my new year stuff a week late, after that ridiculous fiasco from before (which, according to my mother, is completely my fault and she did nothing wrong).

what i will do this year:
x get a pocket planner and remember my schoolwork
x go walking/running at least one day every week (weather permitting)
x get a job and save up money to move out
x stay in my room/avoid my parents
x make my brother pay me to drive him to work, to the bar, to his friends' houses, or anywhere else

seems reasonable. although that second and third might fail, depending how busy i am with school. should be fine, though.

um, whut?   
09:13pm 27/12/2008
mood: sad
why in the bloody hell would they make a broadway musical based on shrek? this shit is completely unacceptable.

i've only been playing more and more of p3 lately, and i don't want to give away what happened (even under a cut, cause, ya know), but son of a bitch this is getting sad. not that it wasn't expected... kind of always had a feeling that this was gonna be a sad story. but shit dude... gyah. not cool. stupid little kid.

at least i get to have a dog in my party. 8D

w00t, or something   
09:51am 25/12/2008
mood: disappointed
music: Children Of Bodom - "LoBodomy"
what i got for xmas:
x. 100 gel pens - seriously. i'm so excited XD
x. $50 amc gift card
x. $120 total in cash
x. nintendo ds lite
x. simcity creator - i think this was just the cheapest random game she found for ds. i wasn't expecting to actually get one so i didn't ask for any games...
x. blooddrunk - children of bodom cd
x. re:chain of memories
x. some candy 8D

i'm going to be brutally honest with myself about one thing on that list -- i've been playing com for about 46 minutes now, and i fucking hate this game. i'm really, really, really interested in the story, but this gameplay is the most ridiculously stupid idea i've ever come across in a video game. what the hell were they thinking?
anyway, next save point i find, i'm turning it off. possibly for good. sucks, too. i really wanted to know what i missed between kh1 and kh2. :\
(the mood refers to this game, btw, not to xmas as a whole.)
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what the hell are you doing   
10:09pm 23/12/2008
music: My Chemical Romance - "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"
you motherfukers. (it was dumbledore, btw.)

i wanted to update, but i forgot what i was going to say... whatever, i can just ramble or so.

i've been awkwardly between musical moods lately, and it's kind of odd for me switching from metal to alternative, back and forth. it feels weird, too, like i can't decide what i want to listen to. idk. o_O the thing is that i tend to do things in cycles. phases, if you will. i'll just get in a mood for a certain type of music, or a specific video game, and it'll last anywhere from two days to two months, but that's just the thing i'm into during that time. kind of weird to explain, i guess. whatevs.

but yes, i do like my chemical romance. and yes, they are alternative rather than "emo". listen to their music if you don't believe me; anyone who has both ears and a brain can tell. (although i did, unfortunately, used to be emo.)

speaking of alternative, i can't seem to find any of my smashing pumpkins cds. this is exceedingly lame, as i no longer have their entire discography on my computer since i had to reinstall windows. what on earth will i do without every sp song ever? D:

i mean it like, both of these things: ears and a brain. not like... both of your ears + your brain. you can listen to music with just one ear. i know because i went temporarily deaf in my left ear once. it lasted for like... ever. i'm wanting to say two weeks, but i also felt traumatized so it might've just been 1 ~ 1.5 [info]luvotomy, do you remember? XD
...sexy dance?   
06:34pm 21/12/2008
mood: blank
music: 宇多田ヒカル - "HEART STATION"
so one of my personas (i've been playing persona 3) just had a lv up, and...
this is what it learned. )  
in other news, i'm having another one of those "what am i going to do with my life" freak-outs. but i think i am facing two main career paths, and if i'm careful i'll be able to fall back on the other if the one i choose doesn't work out. hopefully. x_x
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it's totally a conspiracy   
02:40am 14/12/2008
mood: confused
i'm watching a program on the history channel about masonic conspiracy theories. i must say, some of this is particularly nonsensical. for example, apparently the number thirteen is masonic and that means that our seal of the united states was made by freemasons and it's all a conspiracy to give our dollar bill an inside motif that only some people understand, or something.

there are thirteen leaves on the olive branch, thirteen arrows in the eagle's claw, thirteen stripes on the banner, and thirteen stars above the eagle's head.

...couldn't possibly have anything to do with the thirteen original american colonies, could it? (you know... the same reason we have thirteen stripes on the united states flag.)
10:31am 07/12/2008
mood: excited
music: Akira Yamaoka - "Devil's Lyric"
GD WTF. fuck you, computer. i had like an entire entry here and now it's gone cause my comp flipped a shit at me and... just... gah.

well i'm halfway ready for my finals. mostly because 3 out of 4 are gonna be cake.

and i got the sims 2 again for my comp. it'll be so epic once i get started playing. (too busy rebuilding my custom content collection at the moment. x_x) i will make a more attractive version of torbjørn halvorsen since i can control the way he looks in the pc version, and there will be no more controls of doom. celebratory dancing shall ensue.
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torbjørn halvorsen and the controls of doom   
07:44pm 02/12/2008
mood: content
music: Puffy AmiYumi - "すみれ"
so, i played the sims 2 for ps2 today with [info]luvotomy and another friend. i'm sad that there can't be as much stuff in that game -- and no 2 story houses -- but it was still pretty awesome.

...still want the pc version back. XD

i've also had a rant about peoples' attitudes toward horse meat lately, but maybe i will get into that later. for now i will just say that ethnocentricity makes me angry.

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step right up and i will reveal your future   
12:01pm 30/11/2008
mood: blah
...in america.

you know, i decided a while back that i wouldn't kill myself, simply because it's really no better than hanging around. i've had some fun times. but i'm really getting sick of this, and sometimes it's really not that much fun anymore.

i'm probably not going to kill myself; i'll just be very tempted sometimes.

the mood is blah, because apathetic didn't have a little box guy. i think they should look about the same, though.
i am hatred, darkness and despair   
05:46pm 28/11/2008
mood: annoyed
music: Michelle Branch - "Everywhere"
let's get one thing straight: there is nothing that makes an atheist naturally less annoying than an insane christian. especially if said atheist is an idiot. i can't stand people who get offended by a simple word or phrase just because they don't believe in a religion.

people actually get offended by things like the word "miracle." things like "have a happy christmas" or "happy hanukkah." (although i am all for replacing both with a generic "happy holidays" just so people stop fighting over it.) or like "have a blessed evening" (when i worked in the grocery store, i knew a very kind woman who would say that to everyone when they left) or "god bless you." or the variant, just plain "bless you."

when someone is wishing you well, what the hell kind of response is it to get huffy and tell them, "i'm an atheist." yea? cool, man. i'm a nihilist, so bless you, and merry fucking christmas. ("my non-religion is better than your non-religion"??)

o hay gaiz, wait a sec. miracles and blessings aren't even inherently religious. i mean, "god bless you" is, but a simple bless? nah. a miracle is something wondrous, whether you attribute it to a higher power or not. i'm not making this up -- grab a dictionary and hunt down these two words. better yet, just type them in dictionary dot com.

to be honest, i don't see any of these things as offensive. people are too literal, and some of these are simple colloquialisms. personally, i consider it almost an especial compliment when people say things like that. they are not only wishing me well; they are wishing for me the favor of what they believe to be the highest power in existence.

maybe consider that next time? :P
it is funny because wang means penis   
11:50pm 26/11/2008
mood: content
music: 天野月子 - "砂糖水"
things have been pretty awesome lately. but today felt a lot like a saturday. oh wait, maybe that's cause there was no school. fuck yea. 8D

so of course, i went to [info]luvotomy's house today and we finally finished silent hill 4. it was pretty epic, even though we got the crappy crappy ending. (what is it like to be a doublecrap??) then we finally beat that asshole tutor guy in rule of rose... and then promptly got stuck at another boss and gave up again. XD yea, that's how we roll.

i've been watching the crap out of those yu-gi-oh abridged videos, also.

and there's a new furnace in my house. did i mention that already? cause i'm warm and it's awesome. excuse me, please, while i go not freeze to death. ^_^

comfort is not a mood, apparently, so content will have to do.