| expiration date |
[Sunday, June 4th 2006] |
In exactly 14 minutes, my restraining order against the stalker will expire. Sure, there is still a clause in their probation that they cannot contact me, and that won't expire until next summer, however, the order itself will never be able to be renewed, unless there are more direct threats, etc.. I had the opportunity to renew it for another year (which would begin the third year in a row since 1994,) but I declined. A lot of people won't understand this. Matter of fact, I'm not even sure I can explain it, but I'll try..
When I got the order, my attorney told me that it was 'just a piece of paper', and that since this person already has a history of breaking the law, it probably wouldn't mean much. To some degree, that was correct, since it was violated in 2005, and the stalker spent time in jail, was sentenced to 2 years probation, counseling and a $500 fine -(A conviction that is currently under consideration for appeal.. of course, all that really means is that they paid another $300 to be able to re-submit the same evidence to a different judge and see if they can bullshit ahem, excuse me, persuade them into dropping the charges. I've been assured, both by the DA's office as well as the office of the Court of Appeals, that this will never happen in a million years, but I thought it was worth noting nonetheless)- however, I renewed it last year, more as a formality than anything else, since a restraining order really is just a piece of paper and can't protect you, what it does do is provide an easy way to prosecute in the event that anything does happen.
For those of you that haven't experienced the joy and splendor* that is having an obsessive fan club (*sarcasm), each time there is paperwork filed, there are potential court dates, papers that have to be served, response times that have to be waited out, and the possibility that I may have to see this person for a hearing. Last year alone, I saw them more in court than I would have had I had no restraining order in the first place. And even though it 'protected' me, at the same time it kept the situation, and the person, in my life, one way or the other. No, they weren't calling and harassing me or driving by my house anymore... now, they'd taken it to a whole new level by stalking me through the court system, filing ridiculous motions and contesting things left and right, then showing up with no evidence whatsoever, (since there never was any, at least not in their favor) or in one case, not showing up at all. You may think this sounds silly, laughable even, but I assure you, it's no laughing matter, and is, in fact, quite common amoung stalking victims. I was warned about it before it even happened, so that tells you how frequently it occurs.
Basically, I don't want to have to deal with that anymore. I'm so over it, I'm just done. It began to be more of a chess game anyway, and I don't want to play anymore. I was naive and believed that, once I had that piece of paper, all my problems would magically disappear. Rather than acting as a deterrent, however, it seemed to only add flames to the fire, because when you go to the trouble of asking the state to sign a legal document saying you no longer want someone in your life, that person tends to get embarrassed and angry with you, even though it was their own behavior that got them into the situation in the first place. In short, it makes the obsession worse, not better, in most cases. People who have obsessive personalities don't stop being obsessive because someone tells them it's wrong. On some level, they already know this, but they can't help themselves, hence the word 'obsessive'. I firmly believe now that if I hadn't gotten the restraining order, their preoccupation with me may have died out on it's own. In a sense, what I have done in attempting to curb it was to simply drag it on longer. Yay, me.
So, there it is... I'm hoping I won't regret it, but if they were going to hurt me, it would have already happened. People who do those things aren't thwarted by paperwork.. "I'd kill you, but you have that flimsy court order that I cannot penetrate. Damn you, Washington County!" *lol*
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