fading
im feeling extremly depressed i read up on alzheimers diease a lil while ago & im just so upset that this has to happen to my dad, hes forgetting more &more and i read one article that said death is inevitable...which has struck something to my heart. i dont want to be without a father, i love him so much. i never talk about this but this is something that eats away at me every single day...i feel bad about going out on the weekends, i feel bad about doing drugs..i feel like i shouldnt be wasting my time while time is so precious i hate myself for the things i do to escape. i always get an escape frm drugs..its my way out, my way to feel happy. i dont know what to do. i need help im so sad im holding in the tears.im lost agian and i need a hand to show me the way out. i feel like i should be sober & not smoke pot or do x..like i should be baptized and clean and new...but i feel like im so young im not going to know how to that, i know ill mess up.especially when ultra is coming very soon& i know id want to roll.......what am i doing. am i thnking wrong? am i thinking right. i need things to be the way they used to..the days he cooked & cleaned and looked after me are gone..i dont know how im going to be when i do get older bc a huge chunck is missing from my life..i never had my dad there alot when i was growing up as a child & as a teen he got alzheimers...he is suppose to walk me down the aisle..i feel like i need to marry young so i can see him walk me down the aisle. im so upset, i should have never read it. but then agian it told me what i already knew, what ive been denying for 2 almost 3 yrs now. i need to speak with someone who does know about this diease. i want someone to be here for me right now,im so alone right now, its the worst feeling.
(Read comments)
Post a comment in response:
scribbld is part of the horse.13 network
Design by Jimmy B.
Logo created by 
hitsuzen.
Scribbld System Status
