Everything is listed in chronological order to save everyone the risk of headaches/stress/suicide. You can thank me with love or even the occasional lap dance. Enjoy. ♥

I Do It For the Fame [Ukon/Naruto] [o7.21.o9 early afternoon]

o1. And I saw God cry in the reflection of my enemies... [Tenten/Kiba/Naruto] [Backdated: 4 years/Written entirely by oriental_dragon]

o2. Oh Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou french kiss, Romeo? [Ino/Naruto] [Backdated: 2 years/Written entirely by verdure]

o3. I think the whole worlds addicted to the drama- Part II [Neji/Naruto] [Backdated: Last December 'o8]

o4. Need my fix [Ino/Naruto] [o8.18.o9 evening]

o5. You can tell me it's not right [Tenten/Kiba/Naruto] [o8.2o.o9 early afternoon]

o6. And then you remind me of the sun [Sakura/Naruto] [o9.o7.o9 twilight]

o7. Sing a song [Karin/Naruto] [o9.1o.o9 evening]

o8. Where are you taking me? [Hinata/Naruto] [o9.22.09 afternoon]

There's always room for improvement! So if you ever have any tips for me or think of a way to help me play/write better please let me know. I really do like positive criticism and react better when anon is professional with their statement. In other words, please be gentle. ♥

Anonymous commenting is on, comments screened!

And for those of you that don't mind telling me directly, or if you just want to give me a friendly hay gurl hay:

name: Ash
aim: foxy tiem
e-mail: ljemailaccount@yahoo.com [I'm so clever.]
timezone: EST

IF THERE'S ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE THAT I MADE CRY I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M SORRY.

You're probably a pansyass crybaby for doing it in the first place.

But since I don't got enough time to hug you and all I'm gonna make it clear right here instead.

Except to people that suck.

THAT INCLUDES: Sasuke and the old hag from Hot Pho and Fro'Yo I met last week. She smelled bad.

Sasuke probably smells bad, too. But if I say that then I might really have to hug him. I don't want to.

IF YOU DIDN'T GET A SORRY THEN IT'S 'CAUSE I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER MAKING YOU SAD SO IT MUST HAVE BEEN A REALLY UNIMPORTANT THING AND YOU NEED TO SUCK IT UP. Ok.

Bye.

Maybe if I keep the tie on after the play I can get free siu mai at that Dim Sum place down the street if I play up the 'lonely businessman' gig.

I think I'm gonna offer my services as a translator for extra cash on the side. The best sort of translator, too. 'Cause I got like... this sixth sense going on where I know what someone really means when they open their big, stupid traps. Take Sasuke for instance. When he says something like, "You're [insert smartass crap here about your mom/job/dog]" what he's really saying is "No one likes me. Give me a hug for cash so I can buy a personality."

And when Shikamaru goes "blah blah blah I can't make my letters big because that makes me ~different~" what he really means is "I am lonely. Won't you hold my hand?"

Just a theory.

Of awesome.

Services start at 200 yen. No pushing! Uzumaki is open all day. Except for robots or freaks. [So that means half of you need to shoo. Sorry. But you suck.]
( [Private to Naruto] )

UZUMAKI NARUTO: MALE GIGILO

. . .

I thought the sparkles would make it better.


_{PS. It doesn't. But it does make it really fucking pretty.}

PSS. I don't think I like muffins very much. Might learn to bake them. But I don't have pans. Only girls and cooks have pans. ANY GIRLS I KNOW HAVE PANS I COULD USE? I'll give 'em right back and even share. If like... they don't suck.

There's no room in this world for sucky muffins. Or broken ribs. Side. Hurt. Ow. Do you hear me. OW.

And when the deed is done there will be a muffin celebration. Anyone cool will come. Except not to my place. VOLUNTEERS WELCOME. DON'T BE SHY. I know some of you have to be cool so step up. D:

( PRIVATE TO SAKURA )

Jerkass who sucks at setting dates say what.

Get your butt in gear and give us a time and place, Hyuuga. We'll all die someday so it's better to give us a deadline to get your stupid presents, k?

Update:

Lately my tattoo has been itchy. I think it means it's going to rain/the world is about to end/I have some weird, skin-eating fungus virus creature under my flesh.

But the last one is totally awesome and I'm hoping it pops out of my gut like in that alien movie. I don't have the 'funds' to support it so I think I'll give it to a good family who will nurture as their own. Maybe I can get visitation or something. OH. And they have to have a dog. Called 'Mange'.

'Cause you know that skin thing dogs get from the disease bug and it would be... a...

That lead in was too fucking long for that joke. I'm sorry.


UZUMAKI OUT!!!

EDIT: shikamaru likes my ass.