18 February 2009 @ 01:36 pm
This is what I deal with.  
If anyone has ever wondered what my nights look like, this is pretty much it.



Walter Invents the Plague: Part I

[info]integra: walter
[info]integra: do you really want to stand between me and caramel?

[info]walter: ...
[info]walter: ma'm
[info]walter: why do you do this to me

[info]integra: because it's my job

[info]walter: /sighs
[info]walter: /coughs all over all the caramel
[info]walter: here
[info]walter: ..there
[info]walter: now you can't have any

[info]integra: ...you realize that i don't mind your germs, right?

[info]walter: do you want the plague?!
[info]walter: do you!?

[info]integra: do you have the plague?!

[info]walter: YES

[info]integra: ...
[info]integra: if you had the plague you couldn't work

[info]walter: yes i could

[info]integra: and i'd have to let seras do all of your work

[info]walter: YES I COULD

[info]integra: NO YOU COULDN'T
[info]integra: NOW I WILL ASK YOU AGAIN
[info]integra: DO YOU HAVE THE PLAGUE

[info]walter: ....................
[info]walter: I...
[info]walter: ....

[info]integra: ANSWER
[info]integra: THE QUESTION
[info]integra: MISTER DOLLNEAZ

[info]walter: I DON'T KNOW
[info]walter: I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE
[info]walter: I DON'T KNOW AAHHHH /SOBS

[info]integra: YOU DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE THE PLAGUE??

[info]walter: STOP ASKING ME THINGS
[info]walter: STOP
[info]walter: AAH
[info]walter: AHAHAHAHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

[info]integra: /stare
[info]integra: /STARE

[info]walter: /STARES BACK

[info]integra: /STARES EIGHT TIMES MORE
[info]integra: /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE

[info]walter: WTFFFFF

[info]integra: YEAH
[info]integra: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT
[info]integra: YOU PLAGUELESS POOF

[info]walter: /stares

[info]integra: /stares


Walter Invents the Plague: Part II

[info]integra: hey hey hey
[info]integra: plague-haver
[info]integra: you still didn't tell me if you're over your cold
[info]integra: /stare

[info]walter: i have the plague
[info]walter: that is all

[info]integra: oh my god
[info]integra: i'm going to strangle you
[info]integra: /s.t.a.r.e

[info]walter: what

[info]integra: /stare
[info]integra: not giving your master a proper report on your health is a criminal offense, you know

[info]walter: i said i had the plague! what more do you want!

[info]integra: you don't actually have the plague you liar!

[info]walter: I don't?

[info]integra: no, walter
[info]integra: you don't

[info]walter: oh

[info]integra: yeah
[info]integra: but you did have a cold
[info]integra: /stare

[info]walter: and now i have the plague

[info]integra: ....
[info]integra: excuse me, won't you?
[info]integra: /leaves room
[info]integra: /loud banging heard from hallway

[info]walter: lmao

[info]integra: /comes back, giant red spot on forehead
[info]integra: ok, hello

[info]walter: rofl
[info]walter: what the...

[info]integra: it's
[info]integra: it's just better not to ask


Walter Invents the Plague: Part III

[info]walter: alrighty, i'll reply in the morning, falling asleep right now :3
[info]walter: see you in the mooorning
[info]walter signed off at 1:02:41 AM.
[info]walter signed on at 1:31:55 AM.
[info]walter: k so maybe i lied

[info]integra: lmfao well that didn't take long

[info]walter: rofl

[info]walter: well, i have the plague. so i couldn't sleep.

[info]integra: oh
[info]integra: my god
[info]integra: i will eat your face

[info]walter: what?
[info]walter: WHAT?

[info]integra: /just STARING

[info]walter: WHAT THE HELL DID I DO NOW

[info]integra: YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PLAGUE

[info]walter: YES I DO

[info]integra: HOW MANY TIMES
[info]integra: DO I NEED TPO
[info]integra: NO
[info]integra: NO YOU DO NOT

[info]walter: yes i do

[info]integra: ok
[info]integra: prove it

[info]walter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumonic_plague
[info]walter: my coughing up a lung wasn't a hint to you
[info]walter: okay
[info]walter: i have the damn plague
[info]walter: now take that lung and laminate it then frame it

[info]integra: i ain't laminating shit

[info]walter: i know
[info]walter: you're laminating my lung

[info]integra: ....
[info]integra: /stare
[info]integra: okay so where's your fever
[info]integra: and rapidly developing pneumonia

[info]walter: i'm kind of dead so i don't appear very hot

[info]integra: oh wah wah i'm dead but i can still get the plague
[info]integra: do you hear yourself?

[info]walter: what do you WANT FROM ME LADY
[info]walter: I HAVE THE DAMN PLAGUE
[info]walter: I'M NOT LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY

[info]integra: YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PLAGUE

[info]walter: OK OK

[info]integra: YOU JUST COUGHED

[info]walter: FINE
[info]walter: WHAT DO I HAVE
[info]walter: HUH

[info]integra: A COUGH

[info]walter: HUH MISS SMARTY PANTS

[info]integra: YOU HAVE
[info]integra: A CAUGH
[info]integra: COUGH
[info]integra: SDFGHJ

[info]walter: NO
[info]walter: I DON'T
[info]walter: OK

[info]integra: YES

[info]walter: I DON'T HAVE A COUGH
[info]walter: I HAVE THE PLAGUE

[info]integra: YOU HAVE A FUCKING COUGH

[info]walter: NO

[info]integra: YES

[info]walter: NO

[info]integra: YES

[info]walter: NO

[info]integra: NO PNEUMONIA, NO FEVER, NO PLAGUE

[info]walter: NO

[info]integra: SO YOU'D BETTER GRAB SOME PNEUMONIA OR GRAB A MOP

[info]walter: here is the question
[info]walter: DO I TAKE NYQUIL OR NOT
[info]walter: DOES NYQUIL COVER THE PLAGUE

[info]integra: NO IT DOES NOT COVER THE DAMN PLAGUE

[info]walter: oh shit

[info]integra: EVEN THE IMAGINARY ONE

[info]walter: well what do i do

[info]integra: you lay down and cuddle up

[info]walter: hmmm
[info]walter: no i think i'll take nyquil: plague
[info]walter: nyquil cold & plague excuse me

[info]integra: ....
[info]integra: i'm going
[info]integra: to strangle you

[info]walter: k
[info]walter: but i don't think that's covered in the symptoms it helps
[info]walter: nope strangulation: not included

[info]integra: oh it's about to be

[info]walter: sorry it's not on the bottle

[info]integra: /takes bottle
[info]integra: /writes it in doctor scribble
[info]integra: there
[info]integra: damn you

[info]walter: ...
[info]walter: hm
[info]walter: there's
[info]walter: something illegible here
[info]walter: i think it says i have the plague

[info]integra: it says strangulation

[info]walter: no
[info]walter: no, it definitely doesn't say that
[info]walter: it says i have the plague
[info]walter: see? see right here?
[info]walter: i better take this

[info]integra: dok: no, zat definitely says strangulation.

[info]walter: NO ONE FUCKING ASKED YOU
[info]walter: GO THE HELL AWAY OKAY

[info]integra: dok: D: VHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY AT ME I AM JUST UND DOKTOR

[info]walter: OH I DON'T KNOW
[info]walter: COULD HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT YOU KINDA
[info]walter: KIDNAPPED ME AND TURNED ME INTO A FUCKING VAMPIRE
[info]walter: HAMLET I JUST GOT TURNED INTO A FUCKING VAMPIRE!

[info]integra: dok: oh you're so dramatic
[info]integra: dok: HEY ACTY

[info]walter: LISTEN TO THE WOMAN JOHN
[info]walter: HE HAS THE PLAGUE

[info]integra: dok: i vast like HEY EVERYBODY, I CAN'T VATCH ZIS
[info]integra: dok: I SINK I KNOW ZE PLAGUE VHEN I SEE IT OKAY

[info]walter: why are nyquil tablets fucking HUGE

[info]integra: why are you taking nyquil??
[info]integra: doesnb't that interact with excedrin?

[info]walter: cause i have thr plague
[info]walter: i tiik excedrin at like 2pm it's been 12 hrs

[info]integra: /stare
[info]integra: /stare

[info]walter: I ONLY TOOK 1

[info]integra: WHAT'S THE RECCOMMENDED DOSE?

[info]walter: 2

[info]integra: OKAY THEN
[info]integra: BUT STILL
[info]integra: /STARE

[info]walter: I'M SMALL OK
[info]walter: IT DOESN'T TAKE MORE THAN 1 TO DO THE JOB

[info]integra: ....

[info]walter: lol
[info]walter: lol

[info]integra: /d
[info]integra: /i
[info]integra: /e

[info]walter: lmfao

[info]integra: /s

[info]walter: LOOK
[info]walter: I HAVE THE PLAGUE

[info]integra: DFGH

[info]walter: DON'T EVEN START WITH ME

[info]integra: YOU DO NOT

[info]walter: OR I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU

[info]integra: HAVE
[info]integra: THE FUCKING PLAGUE
[info]integra: FINE
[info]integra: GIVE ME YOUR IMAGINARY
[info]integra: BULLSHIT PLAGUE

[info]walter: no
[info]walter: NO
[info]walter: i dont want you to die

[info]integra: ..../facepalm
[info]integra: then why would you even--
[info]integra: you know what
[info]integra: okay

[info]walter: lmfao
[info]walter: IDK I HAVE BRONCHITIS OR YOUR FACE OR SOMETHING

[info]integra: WHAT THE
[info]integra: FUCK
[info]integra: HOW DID
[info]integra: THIS GET FROM
[info]integra: THE PLAGUE
[info]integra: TO BRPONDFSTRSD

[info]walter: lmfao
[info]walter: THE PLAGUE SOUNDS COOLER
[info]walter: ALSO: IT'S THE PLAGUE

[info]integra: /BANGS HEAD
[info]integra: /ON DESK
[info]integra: /FOREVER

[info]walter: I HAVE WHATEVER MAKES YOU COUGH UP LUNGS
[info]walter: IS THAT THE PLAGUE
[info]walter: I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S THE PLAGUE

[info]integra: THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT THE PLAGUE

[info]walter: YEAH IT IS IT'S THE PLAGUE I KNEW IT
[info]walter: I'MG LAD YOU AGREE
[info]walter: ....
[info]walter: I'M GLAD TOO

[info]integra: YOU DON'T EVEN
[info]integra: HEAR ME
[info]integra: WHEN I TALK
[info]integra: DO YOU

[info]walter: YEAH I KNOW IT'S KIND OF GROSS

[info]integra: ALL OF THIS USED TO BE ORANGE GROVE

[info]walter: WELL IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY

[info]integra: fghjk
[info]integra: THE PLAGUE??

[info]walter: YEAH
[info]walter: WHAT ELSE

[info]integra: sdfghjkl;
[info]integra: ertykilop;'
[info]integra: sdcfvgbnhm,./
[info]integra: erfgtujkilo
[info]integra: /letter opener

[info]walter: look
[info]walter: look.
[info]walter: it's the plague. just admit it.

[info]integra: i will do no such thing

[info]walter: yeah well
[info]walter: next time i have to cough
[info]walter: i'll cough in your face
[info]walter: and then when you die from the plague
[info]walter: you'll get

[info]integra: i'd like to see you try little man

[info]walter: it was the plague
[info]walter: what else is it then
[info]walter: huh
[info]walter: huh punk

[info]integra: ANYTHING ELSE

[info]walter: like what
[info]walter: there is nothing else

[info]integra: bronchitis
[info]integra: a cold

[info]walter: did you just make that up?

[info]integra: yes

[info]walter: i've never heard of either of these things before

[info]integra: yes, i made up bronchitis

[info]walter: "cold" "bronchitis" come on these don't even sound like words
[info]walter: be more creative
[info]walter: it's the plague

[info]integra: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronchitis i even made a wikipedia page about it
[info]integra: in .25 seconds

[info]walter: what the hell
[info]walter: why would you do that
[info]walter: god

[info]integra: because
[info]integra: oh
[info]integra: i don't know
[info]integra: i DIDN'T?

[info]walter: well how'd it get there then
[info]walter: you obviously planted it
[info]walter: no one else is stupid enough to think of something called "bronchitis" lol it sounds like a fucking dinosaur

[info]integra: you know what it is walter
[info]integra: i bet it's emphysema
[info]integra: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emphysema from all of your bullshit smoking

[info]walter: no
[info]walter: it's the plague

[info]integra: you're a brontosaurus
[info]integra: how do you like that
[info]integra: that's right you shut up

[info]walter: what
[info]walter: i wasn't paying attention
[info]walter: i was too busy having the plague

[info]integra: because of your emphysema

[info]walter: no
[info]walter: i don't have that
[info]walter: just the plague
[info]walter: also: i need a cigarette
[info]walter: can you find me one

[info]integra: yeah, maybe you can make one
[info]integra: out of all the tar you're coughing up
[info]integra: from your emphysema

[info]walter: i'm not coughing up tar
[info]walter: coughing up crap
[info]walter: and blood
[info]walter: it's not tar
[info]walter: okay
[info]walter: fuck you

[info]integra: if you're coughing up crap, it's way worse than the plague
[info]integra: just saying

[info]walter: ..................
[info]walter: /stares
[info]walter: get me
[info]walter: a cigarette
[info]walter: for that

[info]integra: pff
[info]integra: what do i look like, the butler?

[info]walter: yes
[info]walter: yes you do
[info]walter: you look like the butler right now

[info]integra: i'm not going to help you with your emphysema

[info]walter: i'm the master
[info]walter: and you're the butler
[info]walter: right now
[info]walter: and i have the plague
[info]walter: so you should go get me a damn fag

[info]integra: pffffffffffff
[info]integra: PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

[info]walter: PFFF ALL YOU WANT WOMAN BUT YOU BEST LISTEN TO YOUR BUTLER
[info]walter: ...MASTER
[info]walter: YOUR FUCKINGFJA;SLKJ

[info]integra: YEAH
[info]integra: YOU CAN'T EVEN BE MASTER FOR 2 SECONDS WITHOUT BUTLER COMING THROUGH

[info]walter: i hate you

[info]integra: you want me

[info]walter: Unnamed Jan (2:19:10 AM): You have the plague.
[info]walter: hah
[info]walter: hah
[info]walter: HAH

[info]integra: you fucking made him say that
[info]integra: JAN IS NOT A DOCTOR
[info]integra: DOK IS A DOCTOR
[info]integra: AND I HAVE DOK
[info]integra: AND DOK SAYS NO FUCKING PLAGUE

[info]walter: Unnamed Jan (2:20:26 AM): Jan is a brain surgeon. Fact.
[info]walter: (2:20:32 AM): obviously
[info]walter: (2:20:39 AM): you are quite the brain surgeon
Unnamed Jan (2:20:42 AM): Feel free to quote me on that one.

[info]integra: you're both retarded

[info]walter: ...duh

[info]integra: you can quote me on that

[info]walter: /stares

[info]integra: /stares

[info]walter: /stares

[info]integra: the only one certified to diagnose the plague is me okay
[info]integra: and i say emphysema

[info]walter: suuuuure
[info]walter: riiiiiiight

[info]integra: because you spent your teenage years sucking down fags

[info]walter: .................................
[info]walter: what the
[info]walter: Unnamed Jan (2:23:54 AM): Well she is quite right about you being a retard, Walter. I can't really argue with that. Spot on, a very clear-headed and accurate analysis of the situation at hand. Clever and insightful, it answers all the questions anyone might have had about Walter's personality in an elegant and intelligent manner that vindicates your comrade and elevates her to amongst the world's greatest thinkers. Feel free to quote me on this one.
[info]walter: (2:24:07 AM): ....................................

[info]integra: .....jan just got brownie points

[info]walter: LOL

[info]integra: pot brownie points

[info]walter: Unnamed Jan (2:25:07 AM): SCORE! 8D
[info]walter: i hate you two forever

[info]integra: you love us

[info]walter: no
[info]walter: i hate you
[info]walter: when i die of the plague you'll be sorry

[info]integra: hate us with looooooooove?
[info]integra: you're already dead

[info]walter: shut up
[info]walter: die again
[info]walter: undie
[info]walter: whatever
[info]walter: f;alsk

[info]integra: hee hee, undie
[info]integra: like underpants

[info]walter: ....................
[info]walter: i hate you
[info]walter: so much
[info]walter: forever
[info]walter: /dies
[info]walter: /OF THE PLAGUE WHICH I HAVE YES I DO SHUT UP

[info]integra: NEIN NO PLAGUE

[info]walter: too late already died from the plague

[info]integra: no you died from nazis

[info]walter: no

[info]integra: w/e you so did
[info]integra: nottheplague

[info]walter: /dead from the plague still

[info]integra: you're dead from nazis

[info]walter: shut up i am not

[info]integra: wtf okay then
[info]integra: you fell on the way to the zeppelin
[info]integra: and died

[info]walter: .........

[info]integra: well? if the nazis didn't do it?
[info]integra: maybe you tripped on your own wires
[info]integra: or choked on a pretzel
[info]integra: they are german, you know

[info]walter: ...........................................

[info]integra: because i mean, if you had the plague when you were human
[info]integra: i drank after you a lot
[info]integra: even before we left for the war
[info]integra: so by that logic

[info]walter: .............

[info]integra: you gave me the plague

[info]walter: no
[info]walter: i just caugtht the plague
[info]walter: caught

[info]integra: lies and faggotry

[info]walter: no you

[info]integra: is that really your best defense?

[info]walter: no u

[info]integra: maybe it's the emphysema

[info]walter: look lady
[info]walter: okay
[info]walter: look
[info]walter: i took nyqil
[info]walter: also nqyuil
[info]walter: .......nyquil
[info]walter: and i am

[info]integra: LMAO

[info]walter: having the plague
[info]walter: so just

[info]integra: retarded

[info]walter: shut your piehole

[info]integra: yeah you are retarded
[info]integra: for thinking you have the plague

[info]walter: wtffffffffffffffffffffffffffff i hate you

[info]integra: maybe the retard plague

[info]walter: WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME
[info]walter: GOD
[info]walter: I'M DYING HERE AND YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME

[info]integra: BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HACVE THE FUCKING PLAGUE

[info]walter: yes i do

[info]integra: I AM LAUGHING BECAUSE ALL THE FAGS YOU SUCKED DOWN IN YOUR TEENS ARE CATCHING UP TO YOU

[info]walter: i have the plague
[info]walter: i am going to k
[info]walter: ill
[info]walter: you

[info]integra: yeah okay, i'd like to see you try
[info]integra: come on plaguey
[info]integra: plagues mcgee
[info]integra: invisiplague

[info]walter: ..................
[info]walter: what the
[info]walter: hell
[info]walter: just
[info]walter: did you say

[info]integra: be careful everybody
[info]integra: the mighty invisiplague is loose
[info]integra: he may infect your children
[info]integra: with nothing


Walter Invents the Plague: Epilogue

[info]walter: k i'm going to sleep now
[info]walter: GOING TO SLEEP NOW
[info]walter: WITH THE PLAGUE

[info]integra: YOU BETTER GO TO BED
[info]integra: WITH YOUR SANS PLAGUE

[info]walter: going to bed with the plague
[info]walter: see you tomorrow
[info]walter: goodnight and sweet dreams

[info]integra: sweet dreams snugglebunny
[info]integra: i'll just be here
[info]integra: sad that you love jan more than me D:

[info]walter: yeah well
[info]walter: ....
[info]walter: /stabs

[info]integra: WTF
[info]integra: fghjk
[info]integra: fine, fine
[info]integra: you don't want any cuddles

[info]walter: YES I DO
[info]walter: BUT I DON'TWNT TO INFACET YOU

[info]integra: YOU WILL NOT INFECT ME

[info]walter: I DON'T WANT TO INFECT YOU

[info]integra: YOU KNOW WHAT
[info]integra: EVEN IF YOU DO IT'S OK
[info]integra: BECAUSE I'VE HAD MY PLAGUE SHOTS

[info]walter: OH
[info]walter: REALLY?

[info]integra: EVEN MY IMAGINARY ONES
[info]integra: TOTALLY

[info]walter: OH
[info]walter: OKAY
[info]walter: /HUGS

[info]integra: /SNUGGLES

[info]walter: YAY

[info]integra: NOW DO YOU LOVE ME?

[info]walter: OF COURSE I LOVE YOU

[info]integra: MORE THAN JAN?

[info]walter: YES, MORE THAN JAN

[info]integra: YAY!!

[info]walter: NOW
[info]walter: GO TO BED SOON
[info]walter: OR ELSE

Or else what, you might ask.

Maybe he'll give me the "plague".

Of course, we redeem ourselves with moments like these.



[info]integra: do you want me to post something somewhere? anywhere? ever?

[info]walter is idle at 10:45:47 PM.
[info]walter is no longer idle at 10:47:10 PM.

[info]integra: /gnaws on yoooouuu

[info]walter: /spaced out omg

[info]integra: omggggg

[info]walter: OKAY UM LET'S SEE
[info]walter: /STARES AT WORLD
[info]walter: how about...
[info]walter: ...turtles are making their move to overtake the world...
[info]walter: discuss.

[info]integra: oh god it's worse than millennium
[info]integra: cause it'll take them a millennium to get to us
[info]integra: HAH.
[info]integra: GET IT?
[info]integra: it's funny because turtles are slow

[info]walter: lmfao
[info]walter: hey
[info]walter: you're pretty cute

[info]integra: rotfl wtf it's totally rude to talk to mirrors when other people are talking to you
[info]integra: jeez, walter
[info]integra: jeez

[info]walter: lmao
[info]walter: what the
[info]walter: i'm talking to YOU young lady

[info]integra: wow you're a lady?

[info]walter: ....

[info]integra: :D!

Integra