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mildly_absurd ([info]mildly_absurd) wrote,
@ 2008-05-10 01:21:00

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Current mood: stressed

Gilded not Golden
That path I have chosen no longer looks gold. More like sun baked mud that had glittered in the distance from the heat of the sun. Everything that seems as though it would be right for me is out of reach, and everything else doesn’t seem appealing. I want to strive for the unattainable, but I know myself to well to be fooled into thinking I would have the drive or the stamina. No matter how many times I try to change it seems I lose power but a few moments after I tried a new rout. Where does one turn, and what does one do when there is so much invested into this one direction I seem to be heading in? I feel as though I am on a one way street and should have made a turn at that last exit. Am I truly unhappy on this path? Or am I merely scared of failing? I can’t tell, nor do I know where I can find the right answers. Being who I am has left me emotionally stranded and secluded to my own dreams. I have no one to talk to, not about such things…and it seems the people that I do say something too either don’t care enough or just don’t know how distraught I am over these things. I know I tend to come off as generally a happy and uncaring person, but that doesn’t make me unemotional…just hard to read I guess. I feel like an electrical cord full of power and great potential with no clue where to plug it into, like I need that initial shock, or someone else to stick me into the wall so I can let it all flow. Or maybe I am just pretending…it feels like all those childhood dreams have fallen and crashed down around me, but worse then that…I don’t remember ever dreaming those dreams.

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