I'm backdating my entries from GJ because that site is a piece of fucking dogshit when I came upon an entry from 2003. I was reviewing Return of the King. Yeah. I'm posting it here. This sums up pretty much the fact that my frame of mind has never changed, and it never will.
"8 hours of my life I'll never get back...,"It just dawns on me I need to recap the theatre going experience I had today. Yes, instead of sitting home in comfort and bathrooms, I forked money over to the evil Peter Jackson and co. and went to the evil theatres, never mind I already have 43 bootleg copies on my computer.
Anyways, I was going to find that fucking Darth Vader helmet for Stac0rs and dress as Princess Leia for the LOTR experience, never mind that SW is a totally different fandom. Oh schnapps. But half-way through the bun thing I got lazy and turned it into pony-tails, and I never did find that damn helmet.
So anyways, it was me, Stac0rs, Sharice and Tod. Liek wut. Newayz, Stac0rs and I played a shoot teh zombies game and teh bastards cheated and started throwing bombs and killed me which was so not kewl...
We spent the first three hours of the movie waiting for Frodo and Sam to make out or have sex or ANYTHING to make the movie more interesting but NO, they made us wait to the very end, five hours later. And then it was more like a peck then a kiss! What am I paying these people for? What, Elijah Wood got mouth herpes so he can't french? Bullshit.
Eventually, I resorted to throwing things at Eowyn everytime she came on screen. dumb bitch ha ha ha.
Half-way through the movie I was day dreaming about Cloud randomly appearing in the middle of a fight, Omnislashing Mordor, single handedly saving the day, and still having enough time to fuck Legolas raw, when Eowyn pops up again. Dammit, bitch! I thought I'd killed her before with my deadly weapon with the consistency of an M&M, but Nooooooo.... her magical Mary-Sue powers kept her alive to save the day yet again and kill the witch-king and draw all credit away from Merry. Damn. I hate it when that happens.
Hm.... Cloud and Legolas slash, how hawt is that?
At then end of the movie, Sharice and I screamed like a bunch of idiots at the top of our lungs, whilst Tod and Stac0rs pretended not to know us. Ha. I'd just follow them home and peek through their windows while they are sleeping anyway. Aw, sweet revenge.
Speaking of revenge, some stupid old guy sitting behind us, obviously annoyed at our loud obnoxiousness, tried to kill us by shaking around a can of soda. Oh, ouch. Seriously, some people need to learn how to dis obnoxious people. I mean, my God. Shake a can at us? Ohhh, scary, burn.
Doesn't matter. Sharice just went to the bathroom and threw up in the sink. Wow. It's almost as if we really were on crack. Waittaminit, I think we were... Mmmm, complexity... *thinks*
Then we gathered around one of those stupid candy machines. Tod puts in one quarter and that thing just went to town. If it was a boy dog and not a candy machine thing, I wouldn't be wearing short pants around it if you know what I mean. *cough*
Anyways, the best part of the movie is where Cloud comes down in his spaceship, destroys middle earth, takes Legolas for himself, and has sweet bdsm fanfiction written about him for the rest of his life on Pluto's moon. Or was that just an episode of Star Trek? The world, will never EVER know."
I think I've calmed down since then.
Your remark about Freddy in the French Maid outfit reminded me of something.