September 7th, 2008


02:42 pm - Crito and Phaedo
Since Genesis is having issues with Socrates (the kind of issues that involve stabbing yourself in the eye), I have gone ahead and taken the helm of this little group.  I am sure that Genesis will be back later when we get through the Socratic dialogues.

So, I thought that since I had to write up the mini-essay that is due on Tuesday (I have a very good first draft), I would give you all a taste of the Socratic texts by Plato.

Unfortunately, if I let you in on the real text, you would be bored to tears, and like Genesis, stabbing your eyes.

So, I give you, in a humorous dialogue, what we collectively think of Socrates right this moment.  Consider this my own cracky fannish paraphrasing.

Summing up Crito and Phaedo:

 

Crito: Socrates you have to flee!  Hell, they won’t miss you anyway and would probably even be glad you are gone. I could pretend I wouldn’t miss you if that makes you happy!

 

Socrates:  No, no, Crito.  I shall die.  Besides, I don’t think anyone loves me any more, so what is the point of living!

 

Crito: You talk nonsense.

 

Socrates: Yes, but at least it is philosophical nonsense!

 

<friends gather with Socrates (if he has any friends left at this point) to speak with him before he dies>

 

Socrates: Gather round and I will ramble at you some.

 

Cebes: (to Simmias) Here we go again! *rolls eyes*

 

Socrates: You know a soul is just a soul and that death is just death, but I will love it in hell!  All my friends, or at least people I can pester, are there!

 

Cebes: Socrates, what makes you so sure that there is a soul?

 

Socrates: Well, because you can’t have sleeping without waking, beauty without ugly, life without death, so a body has to have a soul to be reincarnated.  Wait!  I’m going to be reincarnated!!! *big grin!*

 

Simmias: *facepalm!*  Oh gods, you mean that we are going to be reincarnated when we die?  Shit, that means when I am born, I am going to have to move so that I am nowhere near this old windbag.

 

Socrates: (continuing) This is this, that is that so there fore this must be related to that because they really have no scientific proof beyond my own belief system that they come from each other. Don’t you agree?

 

Cebes:  Uh…er…umm….well…

 

Socrates: You must agree, you know because I am in my 70s and am going to die.  I have really nothing to live for anymore except the afterlife and I could do something rash and take you to the afterlife with me.  So, because this is that and I am old and therefore right in all things, you must agree.  Besides, the oracle said I was the wisest, even though I am not really but I am.  So is this that?

 

Cebes:  YES!  This is THAT and that is THIS! Just stop this maddening train of thought!

 

Socrates: *continues blathering in circles about this and that for hours*

 

Crito: Socrates, you have talked for quite a long time.  Could I get you a drink? You must be parched!

 

Socrates:  Why yes, I could do with a nice lemonade.  Thank you, Crito!

 

Crito: Don’t mention it!  *scurries off to talk to guard*  Guard! Guard!  Socrates would like a lemonade! 

 

Guard: Well, alright….

 

Crito: *slips guard a few dinars* And if you could, put an extra helping of hemlock in it.  He really likes the stuff!

 

Guard: *fondling dinars*  Sure thing!  *big smile*

 

Crito: *with drink* Here, Socrates, your lemonade.  Please drink it swiftly!  Not to worry, they have more!

 

Socrates:  *drinks*  This tastes wonderful!  Not to sweet and with a little sour….urk ack…*keels over dead*

 

Crito: Finally!

 

Cebes:  Nice thinking, Crito!

 

Simmias: We’re free, free, free!  Thanks be to Crito and the gods!

 

Crito: Let us depart, my friends.  My work here is done and I could use a good stiff drink.  Cebes, you’re buying!

 

Cebes: Gladly!

 

*all shake hands and leave the cell to patron the local bar*


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