Shikamaru Nara - On the subject of... Blogs and Career Adjustment

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05 August 2009 @ 03:13 pm

On the subject of... Blogs and Career Adjustment

If you're reading this, then clearly you're more bored than I am. The simple facts are:
1. I'm not interesting
2. I'm not a porn star
3. Updating this thing regularly is going to be more effort than it's worth.

I’m procrastinating again. Go figure. I’ve already played seven games of Spider Solitaire, cleared minesweeper three times and I got bored of Sudoku two hours ago. And I’ve tidied my desk. See, I can be productive if I want to be.

Considering that I’ve got to hand in a script by 9am tomorrow, I’m not being productive in the right direction.

This is supposed to be the easy part; I’ve got the job. I should be able to write a dialogue for this.

It’s sex, it’s not meant to be a Shakespearean monologue or a Greek agon or something. It doesn’t need to be profound. ‘Oh baby oh baby, touch me there. That’s right...’

...God. I’ll lose all respect for myself if I actually write something like that. This is such a pain in the ass.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that I’m here and I’ve got a job, but... did it have to be on a script for a film called ‘Busty the Vampire Layer?’ What do they expect from me? Terrible puns about stakes going into places that they shouldn’t? How do you write an entertaining dialogue when the movie’s tagline is ‘It’s not just Dracula who’s good at sucking?’

Man. I'm going to have to go get another hardcore book out of the library. I'm already getting weird looks from the old lady behind the desk; she thinks I'm a pervert, I just know it.

I'm not by the way. I'm doing research. I'm Shikamaru, and I'm meant to be a writer here for those of you who are still reading and wondering who just wasted these last five minutes of your life.

Tags: hassle, inspiration please anyone, introduction, why must it be porn?, work

read about it | tell me about it

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nudityonlegs on August 5th, 2009 06:32 pm (UTC)

You're definitely a writer. I don't think anyone else could write half as much and still make sense.

And I for one, think the tagline for the movie is pretty awesome. Think of all the puns. You can make it like your own Shakespeare. Except, more blatantly sexier.

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unmotivated on August 6th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC)

Thanks, I think.

I am thinking of the puns. I just can't put "Impale me, Vlad" into dialogue and keep my self-respect.I don't even know why I'm bothering with a script, the stupid thing will probably get shut down before you can say 'copyright infringement.'

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nudityonlegs on August 6th, 2009 04:35 am (UTC)

Take it however ya want.

Nah, they did a Charlie Brown musical and fucked it all up to hell. They put Lucy in an insane asylum and all they had to do was tweak the names a bit. You'll be fine. And hey, you're in a porn company. Kinda says a bit about your self-respect, since ya don't seem like a perv. Though 'impale me Vlad' is just a tad bit better than, 'I'm gonna stick you with my woody'. Just saying. It can always be worse.

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unmotivated on August 7th, 2009 09:04 am (UTC)

I know they can be worse; I just went through some of the old scripts that my predecessor left. That's twenty minutes of my life that I'll never get back again. It's just too troublesome to try and come up with words that are arousing to both sexes, you know?

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nudityonlegs on August 7th, 2009 09:20 am (UTC)

Yeah? What was in it? Anything interesting?

And I hear ya. But maybe you're thinking too hard about it. You say a word and someone somewhere will probably think it's hot. Like key lime pie. No joke, I knew a chick who went crazy for that word. It was ridiculous. So don't sweat it. Just write and try to maintain dignity.

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unmotivated on August 7th, 2009 10:35 am (UTC)

Considering that it was called 'Winnie the Poo' and was about a woman called Winifred who was liked to take a dump on the men she slept with, no. It wasn't. And my childhood memories have been irreparably defiled. I'm glad it never got made.

Thanks for the tip.

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nudityonlegs on August 7th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)

Hah, seriously? That's kinda genius when you think about it. It takes a lot of guts to go perverting childhood memories.

So then what kinda scripts are you writing then? You get to write your own or you just trying to patch up the nasty ones? And am I going to have to hide my childhood from you?

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unmotivated on August 8th, 2009 03:51 pm (UTC)

I don't think guts is what that guy had. Mental issues seems to be a better name for it.

I just get given what no-one else wants to touch with a ten foot pole. Being the new boy is pretty much the same as being the whipping boy here. I don't want to have to write any nasty shit that means people have to bleach their brains after watching it.

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nudityonlegs on August 8th, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC)

Yeah well, that seems like a given around here. I'm guessing you haven't met a lot of people who work here.

Sucks man, why write that stuff if no one wants to touch it? But who knows, maybe you'll be able to make something good. Or just make sure no one vomits.

So you don't actually write much and you just edit someone else's stuff for right now then?

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smile_with_soul on August 5th, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)

Everyone can be very interesting. And this journals might take a while to get used to, but they're really fun. You meet a lot of people you wouldn't otherwise.

And it's very nice to meet you Shikamaru, I'm Hinata. I work at the spa, and I look forward to hearing more from you. I don't think you wasted anyone's time at all.

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unmotivated on August 6th, 2009 12:28 am (UTC)

Yeah, but it's still a pain to do it.

I just get the feeling that no-one wants to read the grumblings of an uninteresting junior script writer. But it's nice to meet you too Hinata.

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smile_with_soul on August 6th, 2009 03:13 am (UTC)

Maybe it'll get less painful as time goes on? You might get used to it.

You'd be surprised, I think. There a lot of nice interesting people who are pretty friendly. If anything, it will help people appreciate what writers do.

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unmotivated on August 7th, 2009 09:12 am (UTC)

I guess that's one way of looking at it, thanks. Maybe I can get ideas off people too.

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smile_with_soul on August 7th, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)

Mhm! And the people here would be a great resource. Maybe you could ask them instead of borrowing books and getting odd looks.

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unmotivated on August 8th, 2009 04:01 pm (UTC)

Anything would be better than going back to the restricted section again. Thanks, I'll give it a try.

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smile_with_soul on August 8th, 2009 06:45 pm (UTC)

You're welcome.

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vitiated on August 5th, 2009 07:01 pm (UTC)

You write scripts?

They do suck. Maybe you could make them better.

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unmotivated on August 6th, 2009 12:31 am (UTC)

I'm trying to. Trying would be the operative word.

Yeah, that's what I'm hoping. Let's just say I don't plan to be writing for pornos for the rest of my life, I don't think "grunt grunt, fuck me beautiful" is going to get me any plaudits for my writing.

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vitiated on August 6th, 2009 01:33 am (UTC)

Is there a guideline or something? Why don't you try writing one with plot?

I don't know why they bother with scripts at all when they're so bad.

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unmotivated on August 7th, 2009 09:14 am (UTC)

I think my problem is I'm giving them too much plot, and no-one wants plot in porn do they? Sex sells.

...That makes me feel really useful, thanks.

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smileyface on August 5th, 2009 09:55 pm (UTC)

can you write scripts with less words?

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unmotivated on August 6th, 2009 12:36 am (UTC)

I guess I could. Around how many words were you thinking?

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smileyface on August 6th, 2009 01:32 am (UTC)

for the guy character....like four. that's a sentence.

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unmotivated on August 7th, 2009 10:19 am (UTC)

I guess I could try and come up with something where gagging is involved.

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bone4you on August 5th, 2009 11:38 pm (UTC)

Solitaire, sudoku, and minesweeper? Geez, man. Buy some interesting games for your computer or something.

Ha, and research huh? That's what they all say. And I bet movies would be even more hardcore than books. Unless they have pictures. Do they have kinky pics?

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unmotivated on August 6th, 2009 12:40 am (UTC)

I shouldn't be playing games, I should be working. And I can't be bothered to go out and find the store to get new games when the ones I have work fine.

I don't need to bother with the positions, that's the choreographer's job. It's the words I need to work on.

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bone4you on August 6th, 2009 04:30 am (UTC)

Oh. Words are the boring part though. Nobody cares. They just like the costumes and the sex.

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unmotivated on August 7th, 2009 10:22 am (UTC)

Which makes me feel so good about the fine work that I do here.

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bone4you on August 7th, 2009 08:04 pm (UTC)

Should at least reduce the stress, right? Doesn't matter one way or another.

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unmotivated on August 8th, 2009 03:48 pm (UTC)

Yeah, but when I do get off my ass and do something, I like to do a good job.

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kiss_and_sell on August 6th, 2009 04:06 pm (UTC)

You're slacking pretty hard there.

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unmotivated on August 7th, 2009 08:05 am (UTC)

I'm taking a break for creative stimulation.

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inhumanresource on August 6th, 2009 04:07 pm (UTC)

Do they really have books about those kinds of things.

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unmotivated on August 7th, 2009 08:04 am (UTC)

Yeah, unfortunately. I wouldn't recommend them to anyone unless they had a strong stomach.

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inhumanresource on August 10th, 2009 07:18 pm (UTC)

I did not know that. Are they interesting.

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unmotivated on August 11th, 2009 09:35 am (UTC)

Interesting is... one word for them. I wouldn't recommend them.

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inhumanresource on August 11th, 2009 08:01 pm (UTC)

What would you recommend if I wanted to learn about that subject matter.

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unmotivated on August 16th, 2009 10:30 am (UTC)

About sex in general or badly written, cliched fictitious depictions of sex?

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inhumanresource on August 16th, 2009 02:02 pm (UTC)

Which is better.

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temari on August 7th, 2009 03:54 am (UTC)

Don't you sound like a real winner.

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unmotivated on August 7th, 2009 08:02 am (UTC)

Did I ever say that I was?

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drown_in_blue on August 8th, 2009 01:59 am (UTC)

Geeze, lazy-ass.

I can't believe you're still not done with that. You need to hurry up already. If you loose your job just cause you're lazy I'll definitely have to kill you. And then your mom will kill you, too.

Just a tip. The dialogue doesn't have to be interesting. People aren't watching it for the dialogue, anyway. At least I hope not, considering some of the completely stupid things that I've had to say before.

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unmotivated on August 8th, 2009 03:47 pm (UTC)

It's not because I'm lazy, it's because I can't think of anything. And Yoshino doesn't know what type of job I've got and you're not going to tell her either OK? She just knows I'm writing. Same goes for Dad, don't tell your folks either.

I still don't really want to think of you as a porn star, you know.

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drown_in_blue on August 11th, 2009 07:37 am (UTC)

Since when have you been unable to think? And I definitely wasn't planning on telling either of them that you're a porn writer, so don't worry. But they don't have to know the details to know if you're unemployed.

And I don't want to think of you as the one writing all this shit, but we don't all get what we want.

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unmotivated on August 11th, 2009 09:37 am (UTC)

'Trying' to write this shit. And failing. My life sucks.

Help a guy out here, Ino. You know what works in these things.

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drown_in_blue on August 14th, 2009 06:28 am (UTC)

Aww, cry me a river. No need to go all emo-kid on me right now.

Actually, I'm not too sure what works, seeing as I just say it and don't question things. But I'll try. How far are you right now? Like do you have any of the script done?

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unmotivated on August 16th, 2009 10:38 am (UTC)

I'm not emo. Do you see me hanging around Starbucks writing poetry about how much I hate my parents and listening to Evanescence? No. Shut up. I wouldn't be seen dead in those tight jeans anyway.

I've got something. I guess I'll just... gloss over the actual sex. The dialogue tends to just be grunts and stuff then, right?

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drown_in_blue on August 17th, 2009 04:18 am (UTC)

If you did all that I'd have to kill you myself. Not to mention it would just be weird. Especially the tight jeans. I mean, how do guys even wear those?

If I were you, I'd stay away from the grunts unless it's like Ulga the Caveman Layer. Oh God, I hope that never happens.

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