"Dad, don't yell at my girlfriend or we're going bowling again." she warns her dad firmly. "And then I'll put your ball in front of a Brady Bunch marathon." she adds, just in case he thinks she's not being serious.
"No, no... the pirates were just going to chain him up and shove him overboard. He got this way because he didn't keep track of time and tried to do too much looting and pillaging when my detonator timers were specifically set to ninety seconds." Yes, totally his fault, not hers.
"His body is somewhere in the Indian Ocean and I didn't have any scuba gear. The fish have probably eaten his toes and fingers and stuff, and there's probably crabs in his rib cage by now - they'll keep good track of it til I can get the gear to go get it for him. Scuba diving sucks though, so it might be a while."
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