Current mood:	sad
Entry tags:	anya stark, toni rhodes

The Worst Day Since Yesterday
Each day wasn’t any easier than the one before it. In fact it could be said each day that passed was harder than the one before it. Each day since Steve had disappeared had been hell and every single one seemed to last for a year. The day had gone from one of celebration to one of her world shattering into a million pieces.

Anya had been taken into SHIELD custody not long after Steve had vanished. Or she thought it hadn’t been long. All sense of time passing had disappeared since he vanished. They questioned her and she told them about the fight in the warehouse and how there was another Steve Barton. She told them about the fight and how they both disappeared.

She wasn’t sure if they bought her story or not, but they had nothing to hold /her/ on except the little thing about escaping from SHIELD custody. Mom had been the one to finally get her out of there and then she had to explain to her parents what had happened.

That wasn’t even the worst part.

Explaining to Clint and Bobbi what had happened was by far the worst. Anya had to tell them all that happened and that their son was now missing and it was Anya’s fault. Sure they said that she shouldn’t blame herself, her parents said the same thing, but no matter what anyone said it wouldn’t change the fact that it /had/ been her fault. She knew that Clint and Bobbi had to be thinking that if their son hadn’t gotten involved with her, this wouldn’t have happened.

Anya returned to Boston.

She locked herself away in her room. She refused to answer the door, the phone, text messages and emails. Contact with the outside world wasn’t wanted at this time and the only contact she had with anyone was an occasional text to Mom to let her know she was okay. It was a lie, but Mom understood and didn’t press. She knew Anya needed space and time and Anya was grateful.

She spent her days and nights lying on her bed staring at nothing in particular. She didn’t even know what day it was. The passage of time had no real meaning anymore. In her mind she relived memories of time with Steve and the tears would start again. There was a big helping of guilt to go along with the emptiness and sadness she felt.

She only ventured out in the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep for a few bites of something to eat and a glass of water. It was a struggle to get each bite of food down and it was even difficult to drink. She just didn’t feel like eating or anything else for that matter. She couldn’t even remember the last time she took a shower.

Sleeping was another thing she wasn’t doing. Every time she closed her eyes the nightmare would come. It was the same one each time. It was Steve asking her how could she possibly do this to him if she loved him so much and saying he wasn’t ever coming back. She woke up crying each time. Vodka was the only way she got any decent amount of sleep.

Notes from team members were slid under the door after the knocks were ignored. Anya didn’t bother to pick up the notes to look at them.

In her heart she wanted to believe so badly that Steve would return, but her head and evidence so far pointed to the contrary. Not one of the extra-dimensional visitors had managed to go home yet. Her brother, her sister, and a few of the X-kids, not a single one had managed to go home. Would it be the same for Steve? She desperately wanted to believe he would come back. Life without him was too unbearable to think about.

The thought prompted a fresh bout of crying. Anya curled up with a teddy bear as the tears started to fall.