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Kelly shrugs like this is all perfectly normal, before leaning over to kiss her girlfriend's neck and up her jaw. "Yup, sorry, baby, you're dating jailbait."
She nods to Bea. "Yeah, something like that. Evil scientists don't like diapers, so they just kind of kept me in the soup til they hyper-aged me up to, I dunno... your guess is probably as good as any. Just hard-wired all the important stuff directly into my brain... the recipe for C4, how to disassemble and reassemble an M-16 in fifteen seconds, blindfolded, the names and addresses of every national dignitary on the planet... you know, the stuff most kids have to go to Kidnergarten for. Took them a little while to work around the brain cancer, but dad's healing factor takes care of it. So anyway, yeah, the brain cancer is important later in the compelling narrative... see, they also programmed loyalty to the the program in, never even occurred to me to ask when I got paid or if I got breaks in sniper duty or who my union rep was. So, see, then we have an assignment against the X-Men, and one of them is some sort of mutant neutralizer. He stops my powers, and my brain shuts off. Being the sappily nice people they are, they take me to their medbay. I mean, sure, they put cuffs on me and take my guns and stuff, but seriously, c'mon... my sex toys are harder to break out of then their max security. No wonder the bad guys keep coming back time after time. Seriously, if some of those goodie-goodies just loosened up and went to a B&D club now and then, they'd know how to tie someone up."

She takes a sip of her coffee-colored sugar and continues. "So anyway, I find a couple of x-brats who, I swear, are NEVER going to get laid, find out where I'm at but not much else. So I break out of there. I thought about going back to Weapon X, then realized I didn't feel the need. Guessing the cancer ate some of those loyalty programs before my healing factor kicked back in and kicked it back to just ugly blotches on the brain. So anyway, that's when I went freelance, met the redhead, then, of course, ran into my baby here. Shortly after that I ran into dad while killing pirates, but he mostly blew up. I stuck his head in a bowling ball, but it totally didn't work as advertised, so I left him at the bowling alley where he could at least do something constructive. The rest is history."