kit smith (notthatsmith) wrote in paddedrooms,
@ 2013-01-30 15:10:00

Kit woke up wrapped around Albus, feeling warm and happy and content, but also sort of dreading today because as nice as it had been, staying with Albus, today was the day he had to leave and Scorpius was coming back. It was the day things got decided. He and Albus had fallen right back into doing everything the way they had before they broke up and today had the potential to be very painful.

He kissed Albus's forehead, then slid out of bed and walked to the kitchen, starting up the coffee machine to make them both a cup. Even if Albus decided their romantic relationship was over, they could always be friends, right? It would suck. A lot. At least at first. But it was doable. Kit fixed two cups of coffee when the pot finished brewing, then walked back over to Albus's bed and sat down next to him, kissing the corner of his mouth. "Coffee, sleeping beauty."

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notthatsmith
2013-01-31 09:10 am UTC (link)

Kit and Scorpius stared each other down for a long moment before either of them spoke. Scorpius was shaky and on the verge of having a breakdown. Kit was pretty sure Albus and Scorpius were a ticking time bomb, which didn't make him feel nearly as good as it should have.

"How can you have known Albus for so long and still not really know him at all?" Kit asked, keeping his voice low. "Go talk to him before he chokes on his donut crying."

Scorpius bit back the urge to tell Kit to fuck off and walked over to the curtain, opening it just wide enough to slip through. "I'm sorry I didn't text," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I missed you. I just... maybe I was mad at you too. For not being on skype. For never just... being supportive of what I do. When you were with Kit you always -- you were different with him."

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alboos
2013-01-31 09:15 am UTC (link)

Albus looked back at Scorpius when he came into the curtain with him. They were far enough from Kit that they had a little bit of privacy, but now Albus wasn't sure he really wanted it.

"Kit was easier to be with." Albus admitted as he stared at the pillow he was laying on. "We didn't fight like this all the time. And we were never apart. He never left me for other things. Even when we were apart, we texted to much it was like we weren't separated. We watched movies together and had an entire television schedule. We just... Everything was planned and we had fun."

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notthatsmith
2013-01-31 09:21 am UTC (link)

Scorpius closed his eyes for a moment to try and keep a handle on his emotions, even if he felt like his heart was being broken again. "You think so much of him," he said, voice soft. "Does that mean you don't have fun with me?"

He reached up to wipe at his eyes. "Kit left you too. Kit left for school and we..." Scorpius bit down on the inside of his cheek hard. "Do you only want me when he's not here?"

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alboos
2013-01-31 09:25 am UTC (link)

Albus frowned at that. "No. I broke up with him to be with you. If I only wanted you when he wasn't here, I wouldn't have broken up with him. I'd just be shagging you." He told him, then took a deep breath.

"I have fun with you, Scorpius. I love you." Albus's voice was soft. He chewed at his donut, then put it on the bedside table and sat up, kissing him softly. "I'm just not sure what we're doing. You're going to be gone all the time and I'm going to be studying all the time. And I don't want to be apart from you."

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notthatsmith
2013-01-31 09:29 am UTC (link)

"I wouldn't do that," Scorpius said, shaking his head a little. "I could never just shag somebody. I only slept with you the first time because I love you."

Then Albus was kissing him and saying he loved him, but also other things that weren't so good. That sounded like stupid excuses. Scorpius's self-control snapped, finally, and he started to really cry, pressing his hands to his face for a moment. "I... I know what it feels like," he said, taking a deep breath to try and regain control. "It feels like you're breaking up with me."

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	alboos 2013-01-31 09:36 am UTC (link)
	"I don't want to break up with you. Because, I'm afraid that you're going to leave me completely." Albus told him quietly. "That you'll never talk to me again and I can't handle losing you, Scorpius. I can't. I can't breathe without you." He took Scorpius's hand into his own. "I love you so much, Scorpius. I don't think that you know that." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

notthatsmith
2013-01-31 09:45 am UTC (link)

Scorpius definitely didn't feel like Albus loved him so much. Not in the same way Scorpius loved him, because Scorpius could think of a million reasons why he didn't want to break up with Albus, and the first one that popped into his mind definitely wasn't that he was afraid they wouldn't be friends anymore.

"That's not good enough," Scorpius said, pulling his hand back. "Albus..." He touched Albus's cheek, leaning in and pressing their lips together, tears slipping down his cheeks. "I love you so much," he whispered. "I love you so much I would do anything to make you happy. I would give anything. But I don't. I don't make you happy. I make you cry. I make you angry. We've only been together a couple of weeks and we're fighting all the time. Because I'm not Kit."

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alboos
2013-01-31 09:51 am UTC (link)

Albus frowned at that and shook his head. "It's got nothing to do with you not being Kit, Scorpius. I swear it's not that. You're just... You're so selfish. And you don't think about my feelings."

He sighed softly. "I want to make you happy and I don't. Because I'm not the same Albus you're friends with. I'm your boyfriend Albus. That makes me a thousand times more clingy."

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notthatsmith
2013-01-31 10:01 am UTC (link)

That hurt. Albus calling him selfish. Saying he didn't care about his feelings. Thinking that Albus didn't want to be with him because he wanted Kit still was less painful than thinking that Albus didn't want him because he didn't want him.

"You did make me happy," Scorpius said, pulling away from him. "You made me so happy. But not..." He closed his eyes for a moment, to calm himself. "Not now. You love me better when I'm your best friend."

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	alboos 2013-01-31 10:03 am UTC (link)
	"You don't know what I'm feeling." Albus told him, feeling himself starting to cry again. "You obviously have no idea how I feel, because you're assuming things. And you're not listening to me." He looked up at Scorpius. "What are we going to do?" He asked, his voice soft. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

notthatsmith
2013-01-31 10:13 am UTC (link)

"I am listening," Scorpius said. "I'm listening to you say I'm selfish and I don't care about your feelings. I'm listening to you tell me it was easier with Kit, but you don't want us to break up and lose me completely. How do you think I feel? Coming home and seeing Kit here and then having this conversation."

He rubbed his hands over his eyes. Scorpius didn't want to be the one who said it out loud. It wasn't fair. He'd waited so long for Albus to love him back, to want him, and now it was being taken from him when he'd only just started to believe he had it. Albus had someone else who loved him standing right outside the curtain and Scorpius didn't even know if he was capable of loving someone else. "You know what we're going to do," he said. "Don't make me do it, Albus. Please."

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alboos
2013-01-31 10:24 am UTC (link)

"I don't want to do it. It's not what I want either." Albus told him quietly. "Because, despite what you think, I love you. I love you more than I love anything else. I love you more than I love music."

He looked at Scorpius and took his hand into his own. "But, I don't want to fight with you anymore. And I don't want to resent you when you're constantly leaving to do your fashion."

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