open to bau members
There was nothing about the healing process that was easy for Murphy. The first few days at his parents house had been good. Cramped in a bed with Seth and sometimes Vegas and Mika too. Enough support that he felt like maybe it was going to be all right. And then he and Seth went back to Seth's new apartment. Seth started drinking again and Murphy spent most of his afternoons alone, thinking about the other boys and thinking about Adam. Some afternoons he thought about calling the other boys but he hadn't worked up the courage to talk to any of them. He knew they were better off without him. Part of him had thought things were looking up but that was until the first time he and Seth had sex after he got home and things had rapidly deteriorated from there. Murphy had stopped calling Vegas and his parents, only talking to them when they called him instead and that was only sometimes. Sometimes he let his phone go straight to voicemail because it was just easier not having to hear their questions. Some nights he wouldn't even look at Seth when he got home. He could still smell the booze on him more often than not and on those nights Murphy just closed his eyes and he'd pretend he could hear the scratching of Parker's pen against his paper or the melancholy music of Elijah's violin. When he was really desperate he'd think of the shutter clicks of Shay taking pictures of them. He hadn't ever really had the chance to bond with him, not the way he had with Elijah and certainly not with Parker. One morning after he'd been home for a few weeks, Murphy woke and felt particularly alone and hopeless. Seth was at work and he was sure that his parents and Vegas would be the same. He'd thought long and hard about returning to work but he had freak outs regularly enough still that he knew it wasn't an option. So he got up and showered and got dressed and grabbed his messenger bag from the desk. With his inhaler, his cell phone and his iPod tucked away in various pockets, he headed down to the train station. A ticket to quantico cost sixteen dollars and he didn't buy a return ticket mostly because he didn't know what time he'd be ready to head back. For most of the ride he listened to his headphones, just trying to block out all of his thoughts with music. By the time he got there it was early afternoon and he had to take a cab from the train station to fbi headquarters. Honestly, he wasn't sure what he thought this little trip was going to do for him, but he knew that he wanted to see the agents that had been responsible for saving his life. He wanted to tell them thank you because he hadn't ever gotten the chance. It was one door he intended to close, the easiest of all of them he supposed. In the lobby they put him through the metal detectors and then he asked specifically for the BAU. The woman told him to wait and that she'd have someone come down to meet him. They weren't just going to let anyone run around in the offices unattended.