UsernameEmailRegionInterestAOL IMICQ IDYahoo! IDMSN IDJabber

realizations...
There are some moments in life when everything converges and becomes clear. When you realize that what you thought you wanted and 'needed' isn't really important at all, and the things that are important have somehow gone by the wayside. I'm not sure how this happens, but it must be gradually, in the background, so that you don't become aware of it until something major happens and there is a shift. I like to see myself as very self-aware, but I guess this happens to everyone from time to time. Moments of clarity, they're called. Though that phrase seems to signify something so much more epic and theatrical than what I've actually experienced, which is more like waking up slowly to the sun on your face. No trumpets, no bells and whistles, just a calm assurance that, while it may not be comfortable or particularly easy at first, changes are necessary (and in some cases long overdue).

I've had to reevaluate the aspects of my life, from the people I let get close to the daily grind and financial side of things. I am not happy at my current job, and I haven't been for some time. For awhile, I was content to piss & moan about how unfair it was, and listen to friends do the same, until one of said friends made a way out for herself. Why I didn't, at first, think I could do the same, is beyond me, since this isn't the only job I've ever had (certainly not!), and I am more than qualified to do a number of other things besides this monotonous nonsense. It was clear it was time to find a new job. So, I did just that.. I haven't given official notice yet, but I will be doing so next week. The new job will be more challenging, but with greater responsibility comes a greater reward. I'm quite looking forward to it, actually.
With that change, came the realization that there are other areas of my life that need attending to, and perhaps a bit of cleaning up. I used to call it 'gardening', which was a metaphor for removing the people from my life that didn't allow me to grow and flourish, or who were (again, metaphorically) strangling me. In the wisdom that inevitably comes with age, I have decided that there's a good bit of egotism in such a statement, implying that these people were beneath me somehow. I no longer see them this way, though I have come to terms with the reality that, just because you love someone, and just because you've shared some nice memories, doesn't mean they are entitled to the rest of your life, as if there is some sort of contract written in blood, and by growing and changing I am somehow violating this pact. People may take it that way, and for that I am sorry, because everything isn't personal, and friendships aren't meant to last forever. I can appreciate what someone has brought to my life, and the memories made, without feeling as though every future slight is excused by the bond we once shared. Things change, people change. Or they don't, and sometimes that's the glitch. There are always going to be disagreements between people who are close, but it's when there is no disagreement and things still don't feel friendly that it's time to move on. I won't betray these people or their place in my heart by elaborating further, but I will say that, while I will never forget them or the lessons I've learned, it's time now to move on.