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halloweentown!!! ([info]halloweenish) wrote in [info]politico,
@ 2010-03-28 00:21:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:kerri, liam

open to Liam
Kerrigan had spoken with the BAU members before. Every year, he had a few sessions with them, just to see where they were at mentally. He felt the team was a fairly good functioning one, and he had a tremendous amount of respect for each member. This year, though, he'd gotten called in early for the sessions. Mainly he was told to focus on Liam, and once he'd been brought up to speed on all of the things that had happened recently, he understood why. He hated to pry at a time when he knew Liam was probably still dealing with things and trying to heal emotionally in his own way, but it was his job. Orders were orders.

A few floors down from the BAU, Kerri was waiting in his office for Liam and sipping a cup of coffee as he jotted a few notes down about the Adam Banks case, and specifically, what the file said about Reagan.



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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-03-28 03:33 pm UTC (link)
Liam had always been all right with Kerrigan. It was easy to be okay with someone when they helped your team stay a little saner. Liam had never really had personal problems that he couldn't handle himself, or more accurately that he couldn't hide perfectly from most people. But becoming obsessed with a case and losing it at a crime scene made this visit to the shrink a lot different than the other times he'd been in there. He felt like he was going to the principal's office.

Entering into Kerrigan's space, he sat down in the chair across from him and settled into a crystal clear 'i'm not going to talk to you honestly' posture, arms folded over his chest. "This one isn't going to be routine, is it?" He smiled a little, challenging Kerri already.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-03-29 02:15 am UTC (link)
When Liam came into his office and sat down, Kerri knew instantly that this wasn't going to be a walk in the park. He'd expected as much, though. After several sessions with Liam Montgomery over the years, he had the man pegged as the type who liked to deal with things very privately. Liam was very good at compartmentalizing the most difficult aspects of his job, and the man always seemed to deal with even the most difficult cases well. But this case was entirely different, and Kerrigan was prepared to dig in deep.

"No," he replied, seeing no reason to lie and fake that this was just a normal session, though just early due to scheduling conflicts. He had too much respect for Liam to try and lie about it. "The Bureau wants me to talk to you early because of the Banks case, but you all ready know that's why we're here."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-03-29 03:06 am UTC (link)
Liam's scrutinizing eyes took in all of Kerrigan's body language. He knew that asking the man if he thought his actions in staying on the case were wrong would be fruitless. Kerrigan wasn't there to judge and yadda yadda yadda. But Liam thought maybe he could glean some information from how he was speaking to him now.

"Do you know that the internal investigator they sent to cover the case wrap up quit afterward? I know that wasn't my fault, but I can't help but feel I was a contributing factor. Don't quit on me after this," he laughed.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-03-29 03:20 am UTC (link)
"You know I'm not that easy to scare off, Liam," Kerri said with a laugh of his own before he jotted something down. "What makes you feel as though you might have been a contributing factor to Comfort leaving? That's an interesting thing to say."

Kerrigan had suspicions about Liam's alcoholism, but he never was able to really touch base with the man when it came to that topic. He had his suspicions about Liam and Chancellor's relationship as well, but again, that was a topin neither of them would ever touch with him. He couldn't help but wonder if Chancellor's presence back in the BAU had something to do with Liam's choice of words. He'd heard through the grapevine about why Comfort was no longer employed with the Bureau.

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-03-29 04:25 am UTC (link)
"Because I was anything but welcoming to him. Stressed him out. Like I said, I know it wasn't me. Will you be interviewing Chancellor after he's well? I'm enforcing a bit of a vacation, but we both know how that'll go. He'll come back when he thinks he's ready. I asked him to stay, you know. I called him out of retirement, then asked him to stay, and then he had a heartattack." He kind of blurted it all out, wondering if maybe he was just trying to divert attention from the issue with Reagan. He didn't want to relive the experience of losing him.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-03-29 04:35 am UTC (link)
Kerri leaned back in his chair as he looked over at Liam. It was obvious that the man was carrying around a lot of guilt. Probably guilt over Chancellor's heart attack, and guilt over what had happened to Reagan. It was his job to catch bad guys, and his husband had been snatched right under his nose by one. Kerrigan could only imagine how something like that must have felt for Liam.

"Chancellor wanted to stay. He's stubborn, you and I both know that. If he didn't want to stay, if he really didn't want to stay, he wouldn't have. Not for the long haul. To help you on the Banks case, yes. But not for the long haul. He's not the type to sit still, he wanted to come back, and I'm confident in saying that."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-03-29 05:44 am UTC (link)
Before some of their talks in the hotel room and the hospital, Liam would have believed that too. But now he wasn't so sure. Then again, Chancellor was a complex sort and Liam knew he could stand up for himself. "Right, well I suppose that issue's settled then." He knew how hypocritical his resistent behavior was given the fact that he'd only recently told Reagan he should see a therapist. He believed they worked for other people.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-03-29 05:50 am UTC (link)
"Liam," Kerri started as he shook his head, "It's not settled if you feel some sort of guilt over it, which it's apparent that you do. I can only guess why, I think there's a lot of things you and Chancellor never divulged with me. And that's fine because it was private, and had nothing to do with the work you do. But if it's startingt to effect the work you do, then I have to ask. So I'm asking. Were you two ever involved?"

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-03-29 03:52 pm UTC (link)
Liam's muscles stiffened a little. "We were enmeshed," which was the unhealthy version of involved. And he wasn't doing it justice, because it hadn't always been so violent and toxic. "I drank a lot." He may as well be honest now that he was talking about it. "Chancellor pulled me out of it, but we never got better. He was happy for awhile with Dory, but then he died. He did all this work taking care of two broken people and he ends up losing both. And I can't fix it." That was he big part. Liam was always able to fix things for people, or at least solve cases and get justice. But now there was no justice to be had. Not for Chancellor and certainly not for Reagan, who he couldn't fix either.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-03-30 02:17 am UTC (link)
Kerrigan wasn't at all surprised by the admission. Mostly, he'd just been waiting to hear it. He lowered his gaze down to his notepad as he wrote a few things down and he nodded his head a little bit before he closed it up and put it aside. Sometimes keeping notes got in the way, so he didn't like to do it constantly.

"You're very use to fixing things for people," he noted. "In your job, you fix things or make things as right as one can in the situations you face, it must be difficult not to be able to do so with those you care about. Especially Chancellor and Reagan."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-03-30 11:54 pm UTC (link)
Liam inhaled and tried to decide whether or not to fully commit to this session before he had to exhale the breath. "Yes, it's more frustrating than anything I've ever experienced. Probably even more frustrating than not drinking."

He leaned his elbow on the arm of the chair and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "I can't tell if Reagan is upset with himself for not being instantly back to normal, or if maybe he blames me for not being able to get him there faster." It was an illogical fear. Reagan wasn't like that. But Liam still felt worried about it.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-03-31 02:33 am UTC (link)
"Both scenarios are understandable for you to be concerned about," Kerrigan told Liam honestly. "You're worried about him. You want to help, because helping is what you do. But this is something he's going to have to do on his own. That's probably a little scary for the both of you. He can't lean on you too much, because he knows your hands are tied. You can't magically erase the things that have happened to him, and neither can he. I'm not saying that your support isn't important, on the contrary, it's very important. Has something happened between you recently that has brought this all up? Aside from the obvious, I mean with how he's coping."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-03-31 06:43 am UTC (link)
"I had to leave overnight for the first time since he's come home. I think I just expected him to be all right and sleep like he always had before." Liam shifted in his seat, changed positions a few times, generally revealing his discomfort with the memory of what had happened. He didn't like to conjure up the mental image of Reagan sitting so helplessly in the middle of all of those books.

"When I came home the next morning, I found that the bed hadn't been slept in at all. He was in the study, and all of the books had been pulled off the shelves. I think he was trying to reorganize them, but it was a complete mess. He was a mess." His voice trailed off and his eyes had averted from Kerrigan's gaze, unable to hold it.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-03-31 06:52 am UTC (link)
Kerrigan was silent as he listened to Liam's words. He'd gone over the file concerning Reagan's disappearence extensively, so that he'd be able to talk to Liam with a strong knowledge of what the man might be going through. Reagan as well, though Reagan wasn't someone he was speaking with. He was important to Liam, and so it was important for Kerrigan to think about Reagan's well being along with Liam's.

"When he was kidnapped," he started, shifting so that he could lean forward and let his elbows rest on his knees. "He was alone, in bed. Am I right?" He was just trying to point out that going to bed alone had probably triggered the memory of that night. Maybe even the just the very thought of sleeping alone had.

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-03-31 03:39 pm UTC (link)
"Yes," he nodded and then let out a bitter, self-derisive sound. "I was on a stake out because we thought he was going after one of our younger agents. He was just setting us up." Sometimes, when he thought about how Adam had used their assumptions against them, Liam wished he would have gotten there before the police and shot him. He'd never actually felt that way about a criminal before, believing that jail was the best place for them. But Liam wanted to kill Adam, wanted to be the one responsible for a slow and painful gut shot.

"I'm sure you know how generally bleak the outlook is for people with PTSD." That wasn't entirely true. There were plenty of treatments available, but Liam was busy focusing on the negative.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-03-31 09:05 pm UTC (link)
There it was again, more guilt. Kerrigan had to wonder just how much of it Liam was carrying around on his shoulders. It was nearly rolling off of him in waves. It was hard not to ponder if anyone else in his life saw it. Sometimes it was difficult to see things about the ones you cared about, or interacted with daily, so it was hard to say.

"I don't think it's going to be that dire for Reagan," he said after a moment. "It's obvious he has a good support system in you. I think, maybe, he just needs some time. It might help to get him out of the house he was taken from for a while. Maybe go somewhere that will make him feel that sense of security again, so he realizes it's not gone."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-03-31 11:23 pm UTC (link)
"For awhile or forever? You know, I was actually thinking of just buying a new house." Not that he had exorbitant amounts of money, but he could float another home loan until the old one had sold. But he didn't know if that was giving up, ultimately making the situation worse. "But a vacation probably would do him good. I worry about taking time off, but not worried enough to put work over him." When it came right down to it, Reagan was more important than his job.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-01 01:25 am UTC (link)
"I think that might be good for the both of you," Kerri agreed as he sat back in his chair again and let his legs stretch out a little bit. "Is he speaking to anyone about everything?" he asked as he plucked up his notebook again. "I could talk to him if you'd like."

It'd be a favor, but Kerrigan didn't mind. Liam was a good guy, and Reagan was important to him. Kerri saw nothin wrong with talking to Reagan if the man needed someone to speak to.

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-01 04:04 am UTC (link)
Liam had been wanting to ask the man about Reagan seeing someone. He thought it was a good idea, but he wasn't about to flat out ask a favor like that. It was incredibly nice for Kerri to suggest it though. "Actually, I told him I thought we should find someone for him to see. Do you think you could speak with him and then recommend someone you think would be a good fit?"

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-01 04:22 am UTC (link)
"Of course, just have him call me and we can arrange a time," Kerri said as he jotted a few things down. He abandoned his notebook again and lifted a hand to rub at the side of his jaw a little bit. "You're good at your job, Agent Montgomery. I've never once doubted that. I know we have rules and regulations for a reason, but sometimes... Every once in a great while, we have to break them. Don't think that anyone's out to get you. I know IA sent someone out, but really, if anyone had been in your shoes, they all know they wouldn't have done anything any differently." Not for someone they really, genuinely loved.

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-01 05:07 am UTC (link)
Those words went a long way for Liam. His facial expression softened for a moment and he leaned back in the chair with a bit of a nod. "The agent they sent was just a kid. I actually feel bad for being so rude to him since he was just doing his job. He was a real stickler for the rules. He and Chancellor are fucking now though, so I guess Chance really has a way for making people break the rules." It was a little bitter. He didn't like the idea that Chancellor was having sex with the investigator that had come to stir up trouble for him.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-01 05:16 am UTC (link)
"You'd been under a lot of stress, you'd just gotten Reagan back, and then someone waltzes in to knit pick at why you did things the way you did them. Just about anyone would have been rude," Kerrigan said with a faint smile. "And as for Chancellor, maybe this is a chance for him to move on and find something like what you have with Reagan. It mustn't have been easy for him to see you move on. Or you to see him move on with his late husband. But these are things we get past."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-01 05:38 am UTC (link)
"It was different with Dory," Liam said quickly, almost defensively. "I liked Dory. Cooper is annoying and he's all wrong for Chancellor." The two of them hadn't gotten off on the right foot, that was certain. He shook his head, not sure he was willing to hear anymore about that, even though he'd been the one to bring it up.

"I think I'll get some travel brochures from Clark at work. I saw him browsing through them the other day. I can take them home and look through them with Reagan."

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-01 05:49 am UTC (link)
"Why do you think Cooper is all wrong for Chancellor?" Kerrigan asked, ignoring the statement about travel brochures. "Is it because you felt threatened when he came in to investigate you, or is it because you felt like he wasn't experienced enough to do his job? Or is it something else entirely?"

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-01 06:01 am UTC (link)
Maybe he wanted Chancellor to be alone for the rest of their lives so that he'd always be there if he needed him. Not in the romantic sense, but in the desperate need for his support sometimes. He knew how selfish he was, how absolutely horrible that was to wish for Chancellor and he just stared down at his hands in his lap.

"The ocean is relaxing, right?" he deflected. "Maybe a cabin on a beach somewhere."

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-01 06:05 am UTC (link)
"You're avoiding my questions for a reason. What happened with Reagan, that really shook you to the core. You realized then just what Chancellor must have gone through when he lost his husband, and you were terrified you were losing yours. It was easy for you to gravitate back to him for support, and now you're afraid that his support will be gone if he has someone else in his life," Kerri said quietly. "He helped you through your drinking, and he helped you when Reagan was gone. You two obviously share a bond, I think that you don't have anything to be afraid of, Liam."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-01 03:48 pm UTC (link)
Liam supposed he should have expected Kerrigan to be so insightful, but that didn't mean he had to like it. Crossing one leg over the other, he wrapped his arms around his waist, closing off. "He's always helping me. He's got to get tired of it sometime. I don't know, I just get worried that if Chancellor isn't around, I'll suddenly start drinking again and ruin things with Reagan."

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-01 11:56 pm UTC (link)
"You can't depend on him for that. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for," Kerri said with a faint smile. "The moment you realize you no longer need him for that kind of support, your relationship with him will go a lot smoother. As will all of your relationships."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-02 05:55 am UTC (link)
Liam sat there in silence for a moment as he considered what Kerrigan had said. Finally, he nodded, seeming to accept that assertion, even though it was a difficult thing to accept. Still, he glanced at the clock, wishing the time to go by just a little faster. "Would it be better to speak with Reagan before or after the vacation?"

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-03 01:12 am UTC (link)
"Whichever he's more comfortable with is fine with me," Kerrigan said as he reached over to snag one of his cards off of his desk. He handed it over to Liam so that the man could give it to Reagan, and then he sat back in his chair. "Is there something you wanted to talk about specifically?"

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-04 05:37 am UTC (link)
Liam smiled a little at that. "You mean actually bring up a topic of conversation? As in, be forthcoming with my issues?" It was a well meaning joke, meant to relax the mood a little and let Kerrigan know that ultimately, Liam didn't resent him for doing his job.

"Let's see. I spend a lot of time worrying about Murphy Knite. He was one of Banks' victims, the one he caught again. But that's more about Murphy and less about me. Unless you're going to tie it back to my unending sense of guilt and personal responsibility."

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-04 06:47 am UTC (link)
"Actually, I've spoken to Murphy Knite," Kerri said with a nod. He was concerned about the boy as well, and Mick had asked him to talk to the kid as a favor. "He has a lot of recovering and healing to do. Right now he's not quite ready, but I think he'll get there once he adjusts some more. It's just... Going to take a lot more time. Hopefully he doesn't give up."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-04 07:36 am UTC (link)
Liam shuddered to think what kind of disaster 'giving up' would lead to. But he was obviously relieved to hear that Kerri had talked to Murphy. "His boyfriend--or ex boyfriend--has a drinking problem. It reminded me of myself and how it's almost impossible to really help someone else when you're completely focused on drinking yourself to death."

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-04 07:46 am UTC (link)
"Well, then I guess Reagan's very lucky to have you recovered and well," Kerrigan said as he met Liam's eyes and smiled softly. "Sometimes I think you don't realize your own strength. Especially when it comes to the people you love. He needs you more than you think, but I think you need him just as equally."

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-04 07:59 am UTC (link)
"If not moreso," he quipped. Liam was profoundly aware of how much he needed Reagan to stay sane and happy.

He leaned forward in his chair and eyed the man. "So how have you been?" He turned the tables, fully expecting Kerri to evade the question but asking it as if he knew something was going on. Really, Liam hadn't a clue about anything, but he found that if he asked as if he did know, people sometimes let things slip. Granted, he knew Kerrigan was well versed in such psychological tricks.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-04 08:05 am UTC (link)
"I've been well," Kerri said with a knowing little grin. "Thank you for asking," he added kindly as he closed his notebook up. "I think that's good enough for today. Let me know if you decide to go on that trip, we can schedule something for when you get back," he suggested as he got to his feet nad made his way back behind his desk.

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[info]impotentwaffle
2010-04-04 05:17 pm UTC (link)
Liam laughed at that. "Ah, so that's how I get out of sessions; I just turn the tables." Teasing mostly, but with a jibe of truth. He rubbed his hands together. "You better hope I don't tell Chancellor that little trick or you'll have a million questions on your hands." He stood up and offered the man a handshake before thanking him. He'd helped, and Liam could recognize that.

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[info]halloweenish
2010-04-06 12:54 am UTC (link)
Kerrigan let out a little chuckle as he leaned over his desk a little, and he took Liam's hand to shake it. "I'm sure he'd have lots of interesting questions," Kerri joked before he let go of the man's hand. "Have a good day, Liam. And a good vacation." With that he settled at his desk to get back to work.

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