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February 12th, 2009
11:06 pm - Garraaraahh
I've been blowing up in people's faces a lot the past couple of days. I'm just so frustrated and I keep taking it out on people.
The main reason for my frustration is Korean. I feel like no matter how much I study for it, the teacher will point out something I say or do wrong, and has to make an example out of me to the entire class. I probably study harder than every god damn person in there, and yet I apparently am the ONLY one who speaks or reads Korean incorrectly. I just don't want to freaking learn anymore. What's the point of trying harder? I've worked so much harder than last quarter. And where has it got me? Fight everyday to not burst into tears every time he calls me out for something. Even right now I fight the urge to sob--just thinking about it makes me so upset.
But if I quit, it only makes me a bigger failure. I couldn't even last a year of a class required for my potential major. What do I do if I say no to Korean being my major? What would I do? I really feel like I'm not as good at languages like I thought I was. Maybe it was a fluke that I excelled in Japanese in high school. But when I think back, I have a hard time remembering even the simplest of phrases. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm scared of trying to find something else to do. But Korean completely breaks down my self-esteem and confidence of being a smart person.
I'm scared of telling James how I feel. I know he'd tell me to stop taking Korean, but I really wanted to learn for him and his family. If I quit, what will his mother thinking of me? She already doesn't like me all that much--probably because I'm not a thin, beautiful Korean girl like she probably wishes James would date. James would say not to worry about what she thinks but how can I not?
And now I've started to cry, so I need to go before I ruin my laptop.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii65/GoddessNamra/Heartless%20by%20Ruby%20D/rejected.jpg) rejected
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Comments:
![[User Picture]](https://www.scribbld.com/userpic/169846/18002) | | From: | ![[info]](https://www.scribbld.com/img/userinfo.gif) eraaxel |
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| Date: | February 13th, 2009 09:12 pm (UTC) |
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I know this might not be much help but... well maybe the other are doing something bad too but he's picking on you because overall you do better? Or maybe he just doesn't like you. I know you're struggling, but I've always thought you were better at Japanese than me. Korean might just be harder and as a song I know goes "I've been around and I've noticed that the walking's easy when the road is flat but them danged ol' hills will get you every time." Which is basically saying that there are always tough times to how you travel. I'll be there to hug you on Monday if you need a bit of comforting too. (Oh and I don't know if you want to listen, but the song is really encouraging in my opinion. it's a country song but here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEQYN1DC220 )
I have faith that you can learn Korean. You ARE just that good, even though college is hard. It was rewarding to have people say "Yes, that's exactly right!" in high school, but college teachers are kind of harder to elicit a good response from. I dunno, I've run into the some of the same thing with my classes. It's hard to get things right. I'm sorry it's coming down on you so hard. =(
And it's stuff you haven't had to do before. You're learning. I'd say stay in it unless you really feel that it's best for you to switch. You ARE good at languages, you did excel in school, and if your Japanese seems rough, it's because you're trying to learn more than one and one language is rustier than the other.
You're not dating James' mother. It frustrates me that she doesn't like you (as I know it frustrates you), but... argh. She should love you. Dangit. It's her issue. It's impossible not to think about it, but you are loved. Even if not by her. Loved. (And not just because it's V-day) |
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