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s f м ([info]mullets) wrote in [info]valesco,
@ 2014-05-04 22:35:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:howell williams, saoirse mullet

Another long day, another sleepless night on holiday.

Exhausted, Saoirse rested her chin between her knees, hugging her own legs close to her chest while slowly lighting the couple of small candles on the table before her. It was late, and this impromptu holiday spearheaded by Penelope was coming to a close, but she felt no different than prior to their grand departure two days earlier.

No in fact, Saoirse thought darkly as she coiled to the back of the chair, she indeed felt different; she felt worse. No closer to making any resemblance of a certain important decision, and actually, even less equipped to do so five days ago. Because upon arrival to this beautiful home, she had discovered many unfortunate twists of fate, the two most significant being that this almost-palace belonged to Oliver Comstock, a wizard that seemed determined to confound her at every turn, and that Howell was here.

How white she had turned upon seeing her estranged inamorato there was no way to tell, but Nona had quite helpfully commented if Saoirse so desired, she would have surely encountered no problem fooling a Venetian ghost of her current undead status.

After that, Saoirse had done her very best to stay busy and away from the house at all costs, but even wizards and witches driven to continue sight-seeing and walking nonstop needed to sleep. So, for the third time in a row, Saoirse found herself restless and unable to do much else than wait for the sun to rise into a new day in the downstairs living room as everyone else she knew slept peacefully in the floors above.

She had been doing a marvelous job at staring blankly at the pile of contracts that either needed to be signed or ripped up within the next twenty-four hours when a soft creak of a door from the other side of the room caught her ears, and she looked up guiltily at the room's new occupant. There were so many faces residing within these walls it seemed, she had lost track at this but, but her luck would have no such strength here.

Brow burrowing and the hair on the back of her neck springing up, Saoirse watched as Howell, candle in hand, stopped gliding across the room upon seeing who it was that occupied the lone couch near the window. She swallowed, and blinked quickly, wishing very much that she could think of anything to say at all. When nothing came to her and the growing silence began to be too much to bear, Saoirse, without much thought or notice, suddenly asked, "Will you help me?"



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[info]howl
2014-05-08 12:32 am UTC (link)
Should he just march up to her and kiss her? Or perhaps he should shake her. He itched to do both. He hadn't seen her since the night she had come to his room in New York, hadn't spoken to her, and the growing chasm between them seemed more insurmountable every day. For her to suddenly appear in Venice, in Ollie's house of all places, he didn't…

Saoirse was still looking at him when he realised she had finally spoken some seconds ago and, as vivid as his imagination was being, Howell had not actually moved or said anything in response. He had been preparing to apologise and quickly take his leave, once he stopped picturing the million and one things he would rather do or say to her, when Saoirse's words stopped him colder still.

She offered them so unreservedly, so plaintively, that he had no chance of turning her down.

He nodded mutely before walking to her, guessing from the parchments in her hand what exactly she might be needing help with. "Who are you considering?" he asked, setting down the candle and picking up one of the parchments to examine.

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[info]mullets
2014-05-10 02:19 am UTC (link)
Her brow curled, and Saoirse pulled her lips back into a thin line. She had become so unable to make a decision, so unable to focus her thoughts determinedly that she found it difficult to answer, exactly, what was being considered and what wasn't anymore. Her thoughts had flitted back and forth between any kind of settlement, constantly circling back to pros that weren't as important and cons that were, but nothing substantial enough to rule out anything for certain. There were too many variables, too many outcomes that streamed endless prospects all worthy of intense concentration that Saoirse found herself lost in a labyrinth of uneasy potential.

"Everyone," she replied with a certain vacantness that could only come with exhaustion and distraction. Saoirse had yet to break her unwavering gaze on Howell. She spoke quietly. "They all sent something, and keep sending things... improvisations, promises, deals."

Finally, her eyes broke from following the lines of his jaw to glance down at the contracts before her. With a longing frown she looked at the lone contact set aside from the rest, then focused on the one clutched in her right hand. Perhaps a part of her had thought if she could decide on this one, then everything else would fall into place. Then, the deepest part of her heart would be able to show her what she truly wanted, instead of vaguely hinting.

"Even the Falcons." Saoirse pressed her back further into the cushions of the couch, already feeling prickly warning of uncertain territory. Her gaze picked up again to watch Howell fully.

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[info]howl
2014-05-15 12:49 pm UTC (link)
His eyebrows raised ever so slightly, as he nodded slowly, looking at but not seeing the Cs emblazoned at the top of the parchment in his hand. Did she wish to come to Falmouth?

If they played for the same team, that would solve a number of problems they had. Or perhaps playing for the same team and being in each other's pockets day in and day out would provide a whole new set of problems. Who knew?

Not that Saoirse and Howell had problems anymore, since they weren't a "they." But if they were…

He shook himself mentally, and saw what team's offer was in his hand. "Even the Cannons?" Howell asked sceptically, holding it up for her to see. If it was not already obvious, he clearly saw some sort of indecision had paralysed her since she hadn't thrown out that contract as soon as it had arrived. He took care of that for her, rolling it up and casting it to the side with a small shake of his head.

As he flipped through the other ones, half of his mind stayed fixated on the idea of them playing together, rewriting their timeline by wondering what would have happened if they had been teammates first instead of strangers snogging at a party. Would anything have happened?

He also thought briefly on his own Quidditch journey, and wondered if he had any sage advice to offer. He didn't; Howell had gone with the first team who would take a Muggle-born after the M.A.G.I.C. Act. And then when he had been the champion, and had his pick of the lot as Saoirse did now, he chose the Falcons because their contract was among the best, but mostly because large, strong, silent (or so he thought) wizards were his ilk in life more so than the Catapults had ever been.

One team he noticed had been missing from the stack he was holding. "I don't see—" Then he glanced at the one in her hand. "What's that?"

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[info]mullets
2014-05-22 02:52 am UTC (link)
When Howell held up the Cannon's contract and looked at her, Saoirse redirected her gaze and pressed her face into her knees. She had been keen to witness his reaction to the idea of her even potentially moving to Falmouth, but after that...

Had she really been considering going with Chudley? No, she supposed, not truly, but considering the larger scheme of things, it felt ill-advised to make any one decision based off of the past. What if, hypothetically speaking, going to the Cannons was the best decision she could make because they were on the cusp of a new black and orange era? It was unlikely, but the idea lone paired with twelve other what-ifs had virtually made it impossible to make any kind of a decision.

As she began to mull over and ponder what little reaction Howell had given her (was his relative reservedness something to take in stride? Write it off? How seriously was she actually thinking about barging into Howell's professional scene?), she withdrew deeper within herself. Only the faint recognition that he had addressed her again pulled Saoirse from her stupor. What was....?

"Kenmare," Saoirse sighed, having temporarily forgotten she'd been clutching the piece of parchment since she'd sat down. She squinted at it wearily for a moment, and then sighed again. "It's a good contract," she started simply, vaguely skimming over the lines that what felt like she had already read a hundred times. "But..."

Saoirse halted, and suddenly felt heavy. The words building at the tip of her tongue, the ones she had been holding in for so long, and now, she suspecting, were waiting to be delivered for Howell's ears only, made her chest and her heart feel sick. Saoirse ignored it, and pushed herself to release just a small part of what had been plaguing and circling her mind for many weeks now.

"But that wouldn't be a smart move. A better choice would be to go with United where Drystan can help support my career, or stay with the Arrows and bide my time and experience into a captainship when Thomas retires." Saoirse paused, thinking for a moment, then quietly continued. "A smart choice would be going to the Harpies to learn how to be confident, unafraid, and hone my skills."

Her face contorted now into a sad frown, and Saoirse finally flitted her gaze back to Howell. Looking at him made her chest ache. "Even the Falcons, I could justify... I could say--" she sat up a little bit straighter for her next words, "'I want to fix what's broken between us, show you that I do trust you, that you do matter' but--- Saoirse deflated, her back curling to its previous hunched position. "The Kestrels don't offer anything like that. Just Ireland." The word burned in her mouth, and because of it, she felt her face begin to heat up.

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[info]howl
2014-05-28 04:16 am UTC (link)
Howell paused in the midst of reaching for the Kenmare contract to examine it for himself, when he heard "fix us."

Was that even possible anymore?

As much as he loved Saoirse, as much as he missed her, Howell had begun to lose hope or reason that it was possible to fix what was between them, especially when he found himself being so unrelenting towards her. But having his heart… having all of him in the hands of someone who could throw away everything they'd built together in seconds, it frightened him. Frightened him enough to have him do a little retreating of his own, so he could keep what remaining self-preservation instincts he had.

Because he wasn't sure what to say to her, Howell opted to remain quiet as she mused on moving to the Falcons, taking the parchment from her. With Kenmare, though, that he could lend some wisdom on. After all, he understood the draw of playing for one's own people. Howell had only played for Wales and Cornwall, hadn't he?

"It's not a horrible idea," he sighed, sitting next to her, flitting over the written words. "They haven't had the best showing since they won the Cup with Brookstanton, but they're a good team. He's a good strategist; he could help you develop other skills on the field. There's a real opportunity for you to take point on the Chasers." He waited a moment, then added, "And you've won a World Cup with a handful of their teammates, already."

Of course, Fawcett would be pressuring her to join him on Puddlemere, so he could take her under his tutelage even more. The Falcons… Howell just didn't know, but he didn't want to be a factor in her decision. That wasn't fair to either of them. If they played together or not, he felt sure they would find a way to adapt, once they navigated the strange waters of their currently broken relationship.

His heart hurt.

"You can choose any team you want." Howell fidgeted in his seat, earnest but uncomfortable being so verbose. "But it should be because you want it, not because you think it's what you should do. You should trust your instincts."

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[info]mullets
2014-05-30 12:08 am UTC (link)
Her shoulders sagged, and Saoirse felt her heart warp within itself. Howell thought she should trust her instincts? Well, that was poor advice. Relying on her instincts had gotten her here, desperate, confused, and alone. Which, she supposed, was what left her feeling so overwhelmed and unprepared about what to do.

Why was this so difficult? Why did everything, now, feel like she was uselessly combing through an endless swamp full of knee-deep mud? Where was the magic solution, magic always had an easy solution!

The hair on the back of her neck and her arms stood on end as Howell fidgeted in his seat beside her. His weight, a hair's breath away, set her senses alive as it always did. But instead of being able to touch his face, brush her fingers through his hair and kiss his skin, Saoirse kept her hands clutched tightly to her own knees where they belonged. A deep sadness filled her, and against her better self control, tears began to prickle her eyes.

Not wanting him to see her tears (for he was most certainly no longer obligated to endure that), Saoirse quickly sought to evacuate herself from the room completely. The house was big, she was sure there would be another unoccupied room fit to house her pathetic self for one more night. Standing up suddenly, she kept her head down and gaze averted.

"Thank you," Saoirse managed, blindly collecting anything before her within arm's reach. Undoubtedly some parchments and select things would get left behind, but at this point she couldn't care less about anything, really, except distancing herself from this excruciating feeling.

"That is very thoughtful advice. I should go now." Clutching whatever she had grabbed close to her chest, in a subtle motion while she turned away to retreat from him, she pushed her palm toward her eye to brush away any water threatening to turn into tears.

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[info]howl
2014-06-13 08:08 pm UTC (link)
Were those… Was she crying?

Howell's brow crinkled as he tried to remember everything he had just said. Surely it wasn't because he hadn't explicitly said whether or not he wanted her on the Falcons? Hopefully… very likely, even, her tears had nothing to do with him… right? Perhaps she just found the whole process too overwhelming.

He cursed to himself.

Once again, he was faced with the uncomfortable task of trying to parse of how much, if at all, this was about him. As well-versed in reading saoirse as Howell thought he had gotten to be, he often had no idea if her reactions were caused by him or not, which had gotten him into hot water on more than one occasion.

For a moment, he thought about letting her walk away, tears or not. It wasn't his place any more, it wasn't his responsibility. Saoirse had made that clear enough on the night they ceased to be.

But Howell could never reason himself into being that kind of person, not when the girl he still loved so dearly felt so much pain.

"Wait," he began, standing up and letting the papers she had failed to collect from him fall from his lap heedlessly. "Saoirse, why are you—"

He hurried after her, before she could leave the room, and asked, "What's wrong?"

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[info]mullets
2014-06-16 12:43 am UTC (link)
She clutched her contracts and things tightly in hopes that her solid grip would help ease the painful drop her stomach made at the sound of his voice. As her hair stood up on all ends, she wanted to stop. Stop time, stop her heart, stop all these feelings that made her feel suffocated, stop this trajectory it felt like her life was spinning out of control on...

Saoirse turned quickly to face Howell, surprised only momentarily by how near to her he actually was. His closeness did not deter her angry face, however, and she frowned deeply at him. Did he really have no idea? Was he really so oblivious to the effect he had on her? How was this not difficult for him? She thought of him everyday, wished for him everyday, felt a great chasm in her life due to his absence everyday, and he wanted to know what was wrong?! Her hands turned into fists, crinkling the parchments within them but she paid that no mind.

The word 'You!' had been at the tip of her tongue, ready to be struck out in a wave of tired anguish, followed by all the reasons why he made her life difficult. Some were extensive (he had made her feel again) while the others not so much (she supposed nicking things that belonged to other people was bad). But, as so many times before, the presence of his soft face lulled Saoirse into a completely different set of actions that she rather had little control over.

Dropping her belongings to the ground, Saoirse stared at Howell for a beat in silence before reaching for his front. Grabbing his collar, and grabbling for the side of his neck, she quickly, in a very rushed manner close to how they had first met, kissed him. She closed her eyes to stop any further tears from falling and hoped that, if anything, this would help him understand what was wrong.

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