You know, how people go out to eat, and maybe they have no money, or maybe they have a lot of money and they're just cheap or something, whatever .. anyway, they go out to eat and find a speck of something in their food. Embracing this opportunity for a free meal, they rise from the table to tell the waitstaff, and on their way to the hostess desk, the small speck of whatever (that was probably just a bit of fuzz from the waiter's apron,) well, now it becomes a hair, because that's much grosser and surely would guarantee a free meal. However, even as a few more steps are taken, that fuzz or whatever it was that became a hair now becomes something even bigger and nastier, like a spider. Of course you tell the hostess and she is mortified and tells the manager, who certainly yells at and possibly fires a linecook, all because of a piece of apron fuzz.

I am not a spider. And that's all I have to say.