Proud of myself... and sad
Yesterday, I took the Jeep in to get the oil changed (Jiffy Lube). Turns out my air filter was clogged with oil because I need a new internal pcv valve. My engine was also rather dirty because of it, so they flushed the engine and replaced the air filter, and I bought a new pcv valve which is going in today. Serpentine belt is also ready to be replaced, but they will do that when they install the A/C as it will need a bigger one to run it. The Jeep is running great now, and I'm happy about that... it's just that Dad always did this stuff. I've never had to take her anywhere or pay anyone... and, it's not about the money. I just miss him.
It's just another reminder that he's gone.
And, we all shared a mobile phone plan. Since the accident (because we couldn't find the phone - probably smashed in the door frame of his van somewhere) we've had his cell phone forwarded to my parents' house. It's been over three months now, and the calls have mostly tapered off, so my Mom asked me to delete his number off the account. He's had that number for over 10 years, and that was hard to do, thinking now someone else will have it, and have no idea how significant it is to our family. (503)310-8030... I will remember that number for the rest of my life, probably. And, I still have it programmed into my phone under 'Dad'. His messages he left say from 'The Yacht Doctor'... when someone else takes that number, the messages will say someone else's name. I have them backed up on CD and on the computer, and it's probably time to delete them, but I don't want to.
It's stupid, the things a grieving person will hang on to. Some days it just feels like this is not the life I want to live anymore, if he isn't in it. It's not like I'm going to go jump off a building or anything, but it just really, really sucks.
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