In less than an hour, I will be one more year older. that's it, just one more year. no matter how hard i try, no matter how many times i close my eyes and wish, i won't be five years older, i won't be four, three, or even two years older. Just one more. When will i finally be as old as i feel? When will my age actually reflect my maturity level? I'm just so tired of being young. Why is that? These are supposed to be the years i get to fuck up, supposedly. These are the years where I'll look back on and wonder why i was so stupid, so odd, so misguided. But for some reason I don't feel that. I don't see that in me at all. I see it all around, but not with me. Maybe i've always been the careful one. the one everyone hates because he's afraid to take risks. Maybe i've always been the lame one who never wanted to shrooms just because he had better things to do. I didn't really party. I tried weed. I hate weed. I drink, occasionally. But i've learned my lesson on when and where to do it. I've cut class, who hasn't. but i've also realized that's just a shitty decision because it does me no good. I don't know. I don't understand myself and maybe I shouldn't even be typing this all out because I know it's not the least bit interesting to anyone else. I just have been thinking about it lately, you know? Why me? Why do I have to always think about the future? I bet everyone hates me for it too. But what do I care. why should i give a damn. it's my life, i lead it the way i choose to. if i cared about all that shit above, about drugs, partying, all that shit, i would really really hate myself. I'm proud that I am the way I am. Yeah, I'm different from the average teenager. I mean come on, I want to be a high school english teacher. What teenager wants to be that when they grow up? Especially a male. I dunno, it's a blessing in disguise I suppose. one of those trick mirrors or something. i'm just tired of being surrounded by kids who just don't give a fuck about anything. they honestly don't.
so here I am.
almost one year older,
one year wiser,
and one more year until true happiness will be unfurled upon me.
i just can't wait for the day when i can greet my world.
my world. my life. my happiness.
just megan and i. that's all we need.
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