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falling flat on my face
 It is far easier to be with someone you do not love, than with someone you completely adore. There is no wondering how they feel, no rushes of emotion, no aching to be next to them when you're apart. In so many ways, it is a simpler, be it less fulfilling life.

I watched a movie recently that talked about sex being less about recreation or procreation, and more about concentration. A biological highlighter of sorts, keeping your mind focused on the person you are sleeping with. I can certainly appreciate that point of view right now.

Falling in love and being in love are very different types of emotions, but both intense and enveloping in their own ways. Like most people, I like to believe that I have some measure of control, that I could decide whether or not to allow myself to fall. In truth, no human being can control their emotions. Perhaps how they react to them, but not the feelings themselves. As unsettling as that realization is to a control-freak such as myself, the happiness and elation that I feel when I think about it more than makes up for any reservations I might have.

It is not often that we meet someone who challenges our perceptions, our routines, the way we behave when in auto-pilot mode. It doesn't always result in a desire to change those behaviors, but more an awareness of them. Faced with this new relationship, I am forced to realize that the way I handled previous relationships will not do it justice. I have an immense sense of respect for this person and this relationship that I may not have had in previous ones. I am humble, gracious and hopeful. And even though a part of me is afraid of being so vulnerable, I also feel a sense of peace and patience. I don't need constant spoken reassurance, as I feel so much of our communication is unspoken. I see an entire world in his eyes that I want to dive into and explore.