You know how, sometimes when the phone rings, you just know you shouldn't answer, because at the other end of the line is something you thought you'd left behind coming back to haunt you? It seems no part of my past is content to stay put.

He called me to say he's left her. 'Are you ok?' I asked. What was he really expecting me to say? 'Come jump back into my bed, I've kept your spot warm all this time'. I adore him, but I'm not in love anymore. I was. He wasn't. I guess now he is.

He inquired if my current relationship had 'run it's course' yet. I laughed, but didn't mean it. When I asked if he was okay, he said 'of course. Are you?' That's Jake. It's all about him, but he'd never come right out and say so. Even though I don't love him anymore, I remember why I did.

Between my future and my past, it's become difficult to stay in the present. My mind is occupied by someone I won't see again for probably another year. I could call him, but a phone isn't a plane and words can't convey thoughts that won't take shape. What would I say? He's only in another state but he might as well be a thousand miles away for me right now. Still, I am left wondering if it would be worth the drive.

Here I sit in a brand new place, with a familiar face, someone I don't want to hurt, someone I love, someone I can see as an old man, remembering through the wrinkles on his face what he used to dream. I wonder how many will come true? I wonder, will I come true? Will I come through for him, or become a fractured memory. Human beings are funny things ... we recall things the same when we are together, but after we part, everything breaks.

There's always more questions than answers, for people like me. The minute I get something great, I'm trying to top it. It seems like the best possible thing for me is just short of heaven. I'm sitting in the clouds, but am I so high that I've actually turned upside down? I always want most the things that are just out of my reach. Sticking around to watch things go from good to bad has never been for me. I'm tired of losing pieces of me when it all falls apart. I'm tired of giving myself away to people who only forget where they've put me. And in six months, would I just be back in the jeep, the wind washing him out of my hair, too, like so many others in my rearview mirror?