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Here is a more detailed update of yesterday's events...
As I am sure you have already read, I won my case yesterday and my restraining order will remain in effect as originally signed. I wasn’t sure if she would even show up to the hearing, but she did, without an attorney present. My attorney wasn’t able to be there on such short notice, since I had only contacted her firm on Friday, retained her on Monday, and the case was Thursday, but she prepared me well in the meeting and showed me how to accurately present my case. She also gave me a level of confidence that can only come from consulting with an attorney.
The respondent, (which is how I will refer to Marsha for the duration of this entry,) showed up alone in jeans and a ratty shirt. We all wore suits or nice dress clothing to the hearing. She brought no witnesses or documentation with her, I mean, who could she bring, none of her current friends know me. She snickered and made inappropriate noises while I was making my opening statement, and when the judge asked if she had a statement prepared, she said “No”. She was given the chance to cross-examine my witnesses, but declined, because really, what could she ask them? She was allowed to view the evidence I presented, and was asked if she objected to any of it being viewed by the court or being entered into the case, and she indicated that she did not object. It was clear to the judge, and everyone in the courtroom, that she did not take any of this seriously. Then it was time for the judge to make his decision.
The judge found that, based on the evidence presented and the testimony of my witnesses, there was a need for the order to stay in place, and did not alter any of it. He requested that we both stay in the courtroom until the copies could be made by the clerk, and the respondent was asked to leave the building right after she received her copy. The clerk then told me that she had asked her to leave, and that we could wait a few minutes in the courtroom if we wanted, so that there was no chance of running into the respondent on the way out to the car. We waited for about ten minutes and then we left.
After that it was much relief and celebration. The only time I can remember being happier was when Andy first told me that he loved me. Other than that, yesterday was pretty much the happiest day for me in recent years. We all went out to eat and then I came home and slept! I hadn’t eaten in almost two days and barely slept in the previous week. In the courtroom, before they called us, I truly felt I was going to be sick. Had it taken a few minutes longer, I probably would have been. Even the car ride over there, knowing I would have to once again be face to face with her, made my palms sweat and my heart race. As soon as the judge said the order would be upheld and she left the courtroom, I felt an immense sense of peace wash over my whole body. I remember thinking, “wow, now I can eat, and sleep, and go shopping or out to a movie, or walk out to my jeep in the dark, and not be terrified …” You know, things NORMAL people can do. It really felt like the first day of the rest of my life, if that makes any sense.
She does, of course, have the option to appeal that particular judge’s decision, which is what she claims she plans to do. I spoke with my attorney after I became aware of this, and she said that there are several reasons this won’t happen.
Number one, it is not like the hearing we had yesterday. It isn’t about proving that the judge made an error in his decision or lack of evidence on her part. She was given her chance to refute my evidence and present her own. She did neither one, therefore she will not be given another chance in an appellate hearing. She also has to prove, not that the judge made the wrong choice between the two of us, but that he made an error with regards to the law. The judge that we saw yesterday has been doing restraining orders, and ONLY restraining orders, for the past 20 years. With his record and his knowledge, it would be impossible to overturn his decision, not to mention the fact that it is basically impossible to appeal a restraining order decision because of the nature of the case. Violent crimes, or the possibility of violent crimes, are taken very, very seriously. In addition to that, Washington County is known for being the most difficult county in Oregon to win any type of appeal in. When a judge makes a decision in Washington County, it sticks.
Number two, it is very expensive to file for the appeal, (which must be done in 30 days,) and to hire an attorney, which she says doesn’t give you much of an advantage. It isn’t simple paperwork, like contesting the order was. Briefs have to be filed and there is a lot of paperwork and knowledge that you need to have an attorney to assist you with. Even with an attorney, there is little chance of winning, and without one, it just doesn’t happen.
And, number three, it takes months and months and months for these appeals to even be looked at by the court. My restraining order is in effect for the duration of one year, and my attorney said it would likely expire before the appeal was even considered by the state. For these reasons, she told me not to worry.
So, there it is… my attorney said that this is just another way for the respondent to stalk me, but this time it’s through the court system, and that any judge who ever looks at this case in the future will see that. She also told me that if an appeal is filed, their office can probably represent me for free, since my income level falls within their range to be able to help me, and since it is a domestic violence restraining order, and continuation of my original case. I feel fairly confident that, once the respondent finds out the expense and time involved, and the extremely low chance it will turn out in her favor, she will (hopefully!) just give up and leave me alone.
What’s the most disturbing thing? She writes in her journal
”every time I think I'm done and she's out of my life, I turn the corner and there she is...”
She is the one who keeps dragging me back in, kicking and screaming. She is the one who cannot let go. This order has no affect on her life except that she cannot have me in it. Apparently, that is very upsetting to her. She did not take this seriously before, and I hope now she sees just how serious it really is.
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