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-&& three ღツ [10 Feb 2008|03:51pm]
So I kinda fail and life and haven't been posting lately. ( Sorry kirby please don't roast me! D: ) However I've just been kinda meh. PMS plus sinus isses made me a very angry panda. For serious. But I'm feeling much better which means time for me to whip my butt into shape and stop being such a fat, ugly little rollie-pollie. Yaaaaaaay! >_
> Please no one beat me for that. Lol.

Side note, I'm doing a lot better with being open and normal towards people again. I'm slowly starting to see that I can be myself and a great person without being scared of doing the wrong thing every five minutes. Thank you Pete for that extra added insecurity that my mother instilled in me at a young age. Because we all know I'm a huge pansy when it comes to things like that, but with my past who wouldn't be. Maybe one day I'll go into a full blown story of everything that has ever happened, but I'm nervous because most people go all she is just doing it for attention. Uh no. Blow me. I wouldn't fake about being raped or beaten for attention thanks. I could just be a skank and get it. Which I am not either. Yay STD free!

I am kinda mad at Shay's mom though. She's trying to fuck him over so he'll come back home. She's trying to ruin his credit and ruin things for him so it's hard for him to survive. Saying she paid bills she hasn't and such. He got a new hair cut today. Mwahah. He looks sexy as usual, then again I'm biased. I'm going to take pictures sometime soon of the ring and us to post. I swear considering I keep getting pestered by certain people to see the rock he put on my finger. : D

I talked to Pete yesterday. He told me a bunch of shit as usual about his side, I heard another version from Jewels and honestly, I think she's a nice girl and not bad. I know what he's done to me so her side seems more real and likely. Especially since he admitted he only said he loved her for brownie points and that she didn't cheat, he did. So I'm just kinda shrugging it off. I talked to Steven yesterday as well. He about had a fit on half of Texas for accusing me like Pete did for leaving him during boot camp when I didn't. He left me before he went in, sorry. I love Steven, he's a sweetheart and a great friend. I just feel bad sometimes because he likes me so much and I can tell but I don't feel for him at all. Poor guy. I really hope he finds a great girl to settle down with one day, he deserves it so so so much.

Last night was the grand opening at Shay's new job though. It was pretty cool. He's looking at getting a second job for a little while at least to pull in some extra money due to the bills getting us a little frazzled lately. But it's all good, we'll pull through, we rock like that. : D He works with Steph which is bomb ass because I can visit a friend and my amazing fiance at one which makes me uber excited. And he also might be getting a job with Yuna too which would also be awesome because then Steph, Megh, me & anyone else along for it could pester them at work too. Mwahaha.

I'm at work right now. Have another hour left. And I sold over a grand today which means $50 for me in commission which makes me a very excited and happy panda. : D Yay! right? Lol. After this I'm gonna go put some gas in my car (and get some windshield washer fluid before Shay kills me) then meet up with Yuna for some coffee and to work on her math with her while we wait for Steph and Shay to get off. That or kill time and get dinner somewhere with Steph, her and Shay and work on math then or something. Which I am slowly devising master plans of how to pay Steph back for all her generosity lately. D: She thinks I might fail but I won't. Mwahaha!

I miss Rikku and Gina though, a lot. They haven't called me lately which is strange and I fail at keeping in contact unless I see the people every single day. I know. I also miss talking to Sarah because we haven't talked in about a week, and Megh as well. But she's been busy with capstone so I'm waiting on her to call especially so I don't pester her. & Daecivar never calls me, or talks to me, which I'd like to change. I changed my MySpace this week, so it's even more amazing. And now I'm running out of things to chat about.

I haven't really been up to a lot lately. Just being with my amazing friends and fiance. Being there for whatever they need me for and kinda sucking at life with how grumpy I've been due to sinus issues and PMS all flooding me at once. But that's okay because it's all better now. And I'm working on breaking down more of my defenses and ignorance I hide behind and starting to improve myself. Plus getting off my lazy ass and working out more so I'm not so fat and ugly anymore. D: That's about it though, hope everyone enjoyed my little entry.

Oh and there is an expo of tattoo artists coming soon, I really wanna go and see about getting one soon, along with my belly pierced again too maybe. I just don't know what I want because I can't think of anything that fits me.  Other then that, I am taking Wensday off to help Steph clean and get things set for her house, and part of tomorrow too. And I'm taking care of some other things Wensday as well. That's really about it. I hope everyone else is well, and for all the drama that's going on with people, honestly let it go. What matters more in life, fighting or loving? Enjoying the beauty you take for granted everyday or getting into it over the mundane and silly things in life? I really hope people will open their eyes soon and realize that nothing is worth all this pain and no one deserves it because everyone matters. I  act like they don't sometimes but that's just because I'm trying to protect myself as much as those I love. I know, I fail. :D
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`That that don't kill me, can only make me stronger.` [05 Feb 2008|03:53pm]
This is not right at all, I can't believe what these people are doing. Honestly this is some serious junk, as is this. 
WBC To Picket Heath Ledger's Funeral. These people have no shame, they do not rest nor do they even know what they are fully talking about. I know to each their own, respect other religions and all of that, but jesus this is just excessive now. They need to tell the difference between reality and fiction.

The death of Heath Ledger yesterday hit me really hard. At a time when other girls my age were in love with Leonardo DiCaprio and N*SYNC, my main "celebrity crush" was Heath Ledger. I first saw him in "10 Things I Hate About You" and immediately fell for the smoldering bad boy. But as I grew older, I began to appreciate him for the fine actor he was and not just for his looks. I have never cried in a movie as hard as I did during his last scene in "Brokeback Mountain." I was really looking forward to seeing him play The Joker in the new "Batman" movie, since such a role would have shown a whole new side to his acting abilities. Plus even Jack Nicholas said that role can several mess with your head due to how dark it is. I was very excited to see how he would do in it.

So hearing this news today was like another punch in the gut (sorry for the Fox News link, but bear in mind Fred Phelps hates them too):


A radical Baptist church in Kansas known for picketing the funerals of soldiers who perished in Iraq said it intends to protest Heath Ledger's memorial service with signs claiming the actor died and is in Hell because he played a gay character in “Brokeback Mountain.”

Shirley Phelps-Roper of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka said that she and other members will picket Ledger’s United States memorial services, not those held in his native Australia.

 

Between this and what they do at soldier's funerals, these assholes have really tested my belief in the First Amendment. I guess it shouldn't come as any surprise that they're doing it, seeing as how they're so out of touch with reality that they can't distinguish between the actor and the fictional character.

It's often asked what the response to these people ought to be. Should we counter-protest and drown them out, or ignore them knowing that they thrive on media attention? I honestly don't know.

I guess the only thing you can do is try to set the better example, and wait for the day (and it will come) when the compromising photos/e-mails/phone calls of someone in the Phelps family show up.
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-&& two ღツ [05 Feb 2008|02:49pm]
Alright. First and foremost.


I LOVE MY KIRBY!!! ♥


Now that I have that out of the way & how super amazing she is because she made a journal just to keep in touch with me. 

Last night was a really good friend of mine's birthday. I was glad I was able to be around for it this year for him. He's always been like an older brother to me and I hope his birthday was amazing. I really wanted to make a surprise party but things didn't fall through the right way. But me & Megh & Shay all went and picked out a really awesome birthday cake for him and slathered it with candles. :D

Then we watched some movies last night. Dracula which was cool & has been decided I am kinda like Lucy Westerna from there, except I don't fuck wolves or air. @___@ But the core essentials of how we act is similar which makes me smile. It's nice to see the good aspects of who you are sometimes. Then we watched Hot Fuzz. Only part that sucked was when it kept failing to play the movies the right way. I wanna know the full ending of Hot Fuzz one day. Lol. But I'm just a bit retarded in the head sometimes.

Currently I'm kinda fussing, a close friend of mine online, who I won't mention who she is was apparently almost raped which strikes close to home with me let alone the fact that I'm scared she's letting it control her life though. She's scared to go out which means he's winning and I don't wanna see such a beautiful, smart and talented girl be held back by some asshole. But I am glad at least that she's back with the guy that she really loves because that makes me happy. I just really wanna help her but it seems that she's not fully ready for it because she's still not eating much, losing sleep and all that. And rape is one of those things that's truely personal and no one can fully help you through it but you. That and I wanna hurt the guy who tried to do it because you don't do that to women ever. Though Shay could just beat them up and it'd make him content and make him settled without fighting for a bit longer plus he'd be doing it for a good cause.

Also my dad has two teeth he needs a root canal on. Which is costing my parents $1600. Today. He just went to get them looked at because they hurt and he hates to see the doctors and that's what they said. So he's getting it done right now and she has to pay right now. So she's pissy he never goes to the dentist to take care of this ahead of time, he's pissy because he's in pain and some of their saved up moeny for remodeling the house is about to fly out the window so this is just not a good day for me to be around either parent. D:

I can tollerate mom but I'm gonna avoid my dad for at least a week. Just to be safe because I don't want him taking away my car, starting shit with me or trying to beat me because he's in pain. He can be an arse like that sometimes, but he's my dad so I tollerate it and stick around and love him. I just learn ways to work around how he can be so it's better for everyone all around. 

Today also is Fat Tuesday/Mardi Gras. Only in Michigan it seems we do Fat Tuesday the way we do with Paczki's. I love them though and my little fat ass if I could would eat tons all day. But I'm only eating one because I'm trying to lose weight and get skinny, especially by the time Spring comes around. Me and Shay have been poking around at doing a Handfastening since last night. So that's about the time we'd do it. I'm excited. It won't be anything legal by law that's binding. It's more so just for us to exchange how much we love each other and be bound together by that love and our devoution in our own religion before we start making steps towards doing it legally by what our parents want us to do.

Well, that's really about it. Starting tomorrow for Lent, by habit I always give something up, I'm going to stop eating such fatty foods and such, work out a lot more and start my life on a better track and foot.

Regardless of it all though, welcome to scribbld [info]kerrisue  (Kirby) & I love you for keeping in touch with me and always sticking by me through all of my stupid shit. & to my other best friend who's also like a sister to me, [info]glowbug my other great friend from online, HoperZ. I love you two girls to death and don't know what I'd do without you two sometimes. ♥ 


I'll post sometime soon again. :D
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-&& one ღツ [04 Feb 2008|01:33pm]

 To all the varied peoples of the world nothing is so out of reach, yet so deeply personal and controlling, as the concept of god. My experience in my homeland showed me little of these supernatural beings beyond the influences of the vile drow deity, the Spider Queen, Lolth.

            After witnessing the carnage of Lolth's workings, I was not so quick to embrace the concept of any god, of any being that could so dictate, codes of behavior and precepts of an entire society. Is morality not an internal force, and if it is, are principles then to be dictated or felt?
            So follows the question of the gods themselves: Are these named entities, in truth, actual beings, or are they manifestations of shared beliefs? Are the dark elves evil because they follow the precepts of the Spider Queen, or is Lolth a culmination of the drow's natural evil conduct?
            Likewise, when the barbarians of Icewind Dale charge across the tundra to war, shouting the name of Tempus, Lord of Battles, are they following the precepts of Tempus, or is Tempus merely the idealized name they give to their actions?
            This I cannot answer, nor, I have come to realized, can anyone else, no matter how loudly they – particularly priests of certain gods – might argue otherwise. In the end, to a preacher's ultimate sorrow, the choice of a god is a personal one, and the alignment to a being is in accord with one's internal code of principles. A missionary might coerce and trick would-be disciples, but no rational being can truly follow the determined orders of any god-figure if those orders run contrary to his own tenets. Neither I, Drizzt Do'Urden, nor my father, Zaknafein, could ever have become disciples of the Spider Queen. And Wulfgar of Icewind Dale, my friend of later years, though he still might yell to out to the battle god, does not please the entity called Tempus except on those occasions when he puts his might war hammer to use.
            The gods of the realms are many and varied – or they are the many and varied names and identities tagged onto the same being.
            I know not – and care not – which.
 
-Drizzt Do'Urden
Drizzt doesn't really exist, sadly, but he grasps things much better than a lot of people I know. I love what he says here. It makes me smile.
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