Uchiha Madara (kiss_and_sell) wrote,
@ 2010-01-20 09:46:00

Entry tags:

[012]

The Nintendo DSi is an amazing piece of technology, with all sorts of enhanced graphics, a webcam, and etc etc blahblah. I'm not selling you one, so I can skimp on the details of it. But I am giving one away, brand new in box with the plastic wrap still on. While playing Cooking Mama, I noticed some of the touch pad features really aren't being used to the extent they could be. For all the games the DS offers, how is it that few of them are sex related? Here's what I have in mind, a game that not only lets you use the touchscreen to pull panties off and rub exciting places, but that also uses the webcam feature to snap photos of yourself and pastes them in with FGI employees so you can be the best stalker ever. Of course, you'd be pulling the clothes off our employees as well.

And here's what I want you to do. The problem is, as I'm told by several Nintendo representatives as well as top game developers, that there simply isn't a market large enough for one of these games that they'd be willing to "sully" Nintendo's name. Well I say that's bullshit, so I've created a petition. I want 50,000 signatures. The average price of a DS game is around $30, and with a guaranteed 50,000 buyers at the least, that's $1,500,000 profit. And I'm sure more than 50,000 copies will sell, because it's sexy. What I want my employees to do is help me gather these signatures, digitally and in person, by whatever means possible. Secure the sale, no matter what.

The employees who gather the most signatures (They have to be real people, too. Don't lie to me.) will each win a brand new DSi as well as a game bundle, that even has Cooking and Gardening Mama.

For a copy of the petition complete with company clipboards and pens, please head to Human Resources, where you will also find a more detailed copy of the rules and methods that will be in effect for this mission. I trust you'll all do me proud. I believe in you.

Furthermore, I will answer any questions or concerns you may have. If you have objections, I'd like to see you just try to argue them.

Thank you and good luck.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 03:44 pm UTC (link)
	And you are now talking to him because you want to develop a game that we can't do because we have a programmer who is lacking in skills? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 03:56 pm UTC (link)
	Because I want his help in gathering signatures, so we can get a developer who has the skills. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 04:00 pm UTC (link)
	Oh. Okay. I got you now. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 04:02 pm UTC (link)
	You confused me for a moment. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 04:05 pm UTC (link)
	You confused me even more! No more of that. Finished. You could just kidnap someone from Nintendo. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 04:06 pm UTC (link)
	If I confused you, you are off your game today. And suggesting illegal activity! But would that work, you think? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 04:10 pm UTC (link)
	~~That's because the bad man came up.~~ I don't think so. It's pre-meditated now. You can't get away with it. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 04:11 pm UTC (link)
	Well what if I forget my plan and do it at a later date? Or does that still not work. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 04:15 pm UTC (link)
	Doesn't work. But on the good side, you can probably hire a seventeen year old with the same amount of skills as most developers. Like the ones that build the flash based games for the DS. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	I need you, Udon kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 07:51 pm UTC (link)
	How would I find one of those-- Craig's List? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	He needs you too ;__; but he can't. I want him waaah last_to_know 2010-01-21 01:01 am UTC (link)
	Put a word out on forums somewhere, screen them, get samples of their work and then offer some amount of money to the one you think is good enough. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	*BIG REACH* kiss_and_sell 2010-01-21 01:41 am UTC (link)
	I'll give it a shot. Maybe they'll accept free porn for a year as payment, and I won't have to spend a thing. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	*pushes him forward* last_to_know 2010-01-21 01:56 am UTC (link)
	If it's a teenager, they will accept that pretty easily. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: pushes him forward kiss_and_sell 2010-01-21 02:32 am UTC (link)
	Maybe a whole two years. If they're cute. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-21 02:42 am UTC (link)
	You will have to do all that work if you want cute. Don't trust pictures that people post on the internet. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-21 11:13 am UTC (link)
	I don't trust anybody on the internet. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-21 11:15 am UTC (link)
	Shouldn't trust them in person either. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-21 12:16 pm UTC (link)
	My background checks are always extensive. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-21 12:21 pm UTC (link)
	Good. I got you covered for the rest. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-21 12:22 pm UTC (link)
	Then we'll rendezvous by the copier at 0700 hours, solider. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-21 12:26 pm UTC (link)
	... But we haven't got anyone yet. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-21 12:30 pm UTC (link)
	Shh, it's a joke. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-21 12:33 pm UTC (link)
	I knew that. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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