friday, october 24th, 1997
[ HEXED PRIVATE TO SELF ]I don't really know why I'm writing this, but I need to get this off my chest and there's no one to talk to! I can't talk to Stewart because he's very happy right now and I don't want to ruin his mood and Laura's been kind of preocupied lately and I definitely CAN'T talk to Justin or Charlie about it or write a letter to mum because the moment I mention Charlie, I'm sure she'll stop reading and then I'll receive a letter full of questions about him. I can so picture it already, 'OH, Charles! Such a nice boy. And so polite, too!" and she'd go on and on and on, because she never stops. Don't get me wrong, I love mum to DEATH, but she can never figure out when enough's enough!
Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh, right. Getting things off my chest. That's what journals are made for anyway, right? And I've heard writing things down is sort of
therapue therapeutic, so maybe I'll feel better afterwards? Ugh. This is what insanity must feel like. I'm talking to MYSELF and I don't even
know what I'm talking about, except well, I kind of do? I'm very, very mad at life right now. VERY mad. Because I'm a nice person, right? I'd like to think I'm a nice person, so I don't understand how I always end up dealing with so. many. problems! And I don't know where they come from, but it's one after the other and my mum's always talking about karma so now I'm wondering whatever did I do wrong to deserve this? I
try to be friendly to everyone and help people and I don't steal and I don't kill anyone and I can't even remember the last time I lied! Wait, no. That was two weeks ago when I told Stewart I hated him, but I
apologised afterwards! And I gave him a hug and told him I loved being his friend and that should count for something, right?
Ugh, why is life SO. COMPLICATED!?
Seriously. I feel so terrible, because I don't want Justin to hate me but I don't want to stop talking to Charlie either and I don't know, does that make me selfish? That I want them both to still be my friend? I'm not even saying they have to get along and well, that'd be great if they did but I understand some things are just impossible,
but don't I deserve them at least trying not to involve me? Wait no, scratch that because it makes me sound horribly conceited. I just HATE being in the middle of it! And I realise I basically brought this upon myself, but I didn't know I was going to fall in love with Charlie! Well, no. I kind of did know that. But I
didn't know he fancied me, so it's not ENTIRELY my fault, is it?
Maybe I should talk to Justin again? I don't want him to be upset with me anymore and talking about things helps, like writing things down help because, seriously, I feel much better already! Not great, but better and that's good, right?
Right, I'm crazy!
- Melanie Roberts.
[ /PRIVATE ][ HEXED PRIVATE TO JUSTIN ]Hi, Justin.
[ /PRIVATE ]So I sent that letter to my mum asking for costume suggestions and it seems that she stopped reading after the third sentence because I didn't get any suggestions, but I did get brand new dress robes! They look so great, but I don't think I will wearing them because I really, really want to dress up and I came up with an awesome costume idea! Well, I didn't, someone else did, but that doesn't stop it from being awesome! I'm so excited about the Ball, I can't wait until the 31st!!
By the way, I have to write this essay for Muggle Studies and I need someone to help me? It's about muggle sports and I have to choose one and explain everything about it but I don't know anything about sports! Well, except for football, because my dad really loves watching football matches during the weekend and sometimes Matthew joins in, but yeah, okay they gave us some suggestions and I was thinking of maybe talking about paintball? Because shooting people with paint balls sounds kind of wicked! But I really, really need someone to help me
and I can't ask Justin, because he's m and I don't know who to ask without being a bother! So if anyone could help me, I'd love you forever and give you a chocolate frog or ten! ♥
Not today, though. I want to enjoy my third free day of the week!
