Naruto Namikaze (microchipped) wrote,
@ 2009-10-14 21:48:00

Entry tags:

anonymous, being a bastard, ic, missy, text

oo6x
Halloween is on its way. The decorations are going up in the first district for all of the kids who still like that stuff. Pumpkins or whatever. The best restaurants in the first are coming out with all of their seasonal autumn stuff. I'm glad I can get a piece of pumpkin cheesecake whenever I want, or gourmet sweet potato soufflés. They're excellent.

And remember everyone, around this time of year we have lots of mischief going on, so set those alarms and park your car in the garage if you don't want to run the risk of it getting egged. October 30th is the big night, but some kids don't honor the date and start early every year.

I saw this girl selling homemade scarves at a kiosk in the mall hoping she could make a buck in lieu of the cold weather, but they were horribly made. People should just stick with things they're good at.

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Re: [Private]

microchipped
2009-10-15 06:38 am UTC (link)

I do. But remember when I told you being a brunette didn't matter to me? It does, and even if this is only online I can't continue to do this with you. I have feelings for you, and for anything to come of it would be illegal. It just can't happen, so I need to pull back.

A lot of things have been happening in both my personal and professional life that I find questionable. Whether you like or not, I'm a blond and I have to be a certain way. I've been trying for a long time to stop being emotional, and I'm losing a lot of ground lately. Too much rides on that for me to ignore it and let myself slip further.

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Re: [Private]

sakurablossom
2009-10-15 07:19 am UTC (link)

Nothing's going to happen. I don't even know what you look like. ...Well, I've never seen your face.

You shouldn't force yourself to be someone you're not... I know you think I don't understand, but I don't want you to disappear in the sea of blonds. You're different than them, and you can't escape that. It was naive to have thought we wouldn't have problems with each other, but now we know.

But... I don't want you to get in trouble at work... so I think that means you need to stop worrying about it so much. I believe in you. ♥

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Re: [Private]

microchipped
2009-10-15 06:21 pm UTC (link)

So it didn't mean that much to you, then? I'm not saying that to be insulting, I want to know.

I am different, but not for the reasons you think. I have a higher status and more control than most blonds, and I don't want to compromise that. It means everything to me.

I want to be your friend, but anything more than that and it becomes too painful. Thanks for understanding.

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Re: [Private]

sakurablossom
2009-10-15 06:50 pm UTC (link)

I didn't say that. I just said nothing's going to happen, which it won't, because we're both responsible... but I do really like you. There's just not much risk involved since I hardly know anything about you.

If it meant everything to you, you would've stopped talking to me when you found out I was brunette.

I do understand... So long as we can keep talking, it's fine with me.

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Re: [Private]

microchipped
2009-10-15 10:27 pm UTC (link)

All my life I've been taught to put business first, and that to do so I need to control my emotions, even ignore them for the greater good, especially because of my profession. I believed that, but I had only understood why in theory.

Online, being anonymous, it's easy to be more like who I feel I am inside. And with you, for the first time, I was sharing that part of me and it felt great. I was learning how to feel, and feel very good. But that doesn't come without cost, and I guess I began to fall in love with you, if that's the phrase.

This wouldn't be okay even if you were blonde, but you being a brunette complicates it more. I've realized that embracing this and investing more and more into these feelings would undo everything I've tried hard to achieve. I understand now that emotions make it difficult to place work and business as the first priority. And that me liking you was having an effect on how I saw other brunets. The law needs to be my guideline, not my morals.

I know you said you understand already, but I owe you that explanation. As a brunette you might find it insulting for someone to choose their job over you, but that's what I have to do as a blond.

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	Re: [Private] sakurablossom 2009-10-15 10:51 pm UTC (link)
	That phrase is really special, okay?? You can't just say it lightly! It's insulting... but it's not like I was ever really an option, no matter how we feel. So that makes it less insulting than if you were a brunet saying that to me. ...You wouldn't get a wife as a gift, would you? Blonde women aren't just there to be trophy wives and have babies... right? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: [Private]

microchipped
2009-10-15 10:56 pm UTC (link)

Is love when you think about someone often, even while you're trying to work?

If I were this wouldn't be happening. We would know each other in person. Well, if you were okay with that.

A gift? No. Blonde women choose what they want to be, but two blonds marry for children most often, I think. It's almost unheard of for two people to be married and not have children.

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	Re: [Private] sakurablossom 2009-10-15 11:30 pm UTC (link)
	There's more to it than that but that's a start, yeah... what else would you say happened? So relationships really are just to serve a purpose, then. I mean I guess I knew that and it seems obvious, but no wonder you're not busy on weekend nights. Not that I have an excuse. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] microchipped 2009-10-15 11:40 pm UTC (link)
	I felt physical pain when I thought about how we would never meet. I feel something similar when I'm very disappointed. Yes. Children and status. That's the ideal, anyway. I like to rest on the weekends. I work long hours during the week in most cases. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] sakurablossom 2009-10-16 12:02 am UTC (link)
	...Really? I keep forgetting you're new at this. It's not as easy as the movies make it seem... I guess it could be scary to someone who's never felt that way before. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] microchipped 2009-10-16 12:13 am UTC (link)
	I didn't say it was scary, it's unbecoming for a blond. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] sakurablossom 2009-10-16 12:20 am UTC (link)
	Hey, it's not all that great for me either, you know. Just because you guys have to hold in your emotions and we don't, doesn't mean it's an easier for us. I don't want to make your life any harder, so... should we make sure everything is out on the table? I'm not sure what would be better in order to make things are easier between us. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] microchipped 2009-10-16 12:29 am UTC (link)
	I don't know. You're more equipped to guess about what we should do than I am. Do you think laying everything on the table will help? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] sakurablossom 2009-10-16 12:40 am UTC (link)
	To be honest, everyone else I've ever liked hardly knew I existed, so I'm not really qualified. So long as we're not pissed off at each other anymore, I think that's probably a good start. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] microchipped 2009-10-16 12:44 am UTC (link)
	I don't know how that could be true. Yeah, you're probably right. Hey, are you good at music games? I'm thinking about my next one being a combination of different styled games, all dealing with music. Different than normal. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] sakurablossom 2009-10-16 12:53 am UTC (link)
	I know it's hard to believe, but I'm not nearly as amazing and dazzling in person. I mostly only meet people at work, and there aren't many guy nurses. Like rhythm games? If I can figure out the pattern I'm really good at them, but if it takes musical talent, then... maybe not so much. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: [Private]

microchipped
2009-10-16 12:56 am UTC (link)

They say opposites attract. You should go check out the morgue.

That, but also humming a tune back perfectly to get to the next stage, or hearing a piece of a song, and more and more get added and you have to remember them. I think it'd be fun, and it would appeal to the people who haven't been doing so well on my last few games. I've been trying to stump the smart guys lately.

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	Re: [Private] sakurablossom 2009-10-16 01:11 am UTC (link)
	Hey! First of all that sounds weird, secondly people who work at the morgue are... creepy and psychotic. ...If it doesn't record me humming it would be okay. And it would be good if it didn't record how many times you had to re-try each stage. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] microchipped 2009-10-16 01:16 am UTC (link)
	I was kidding! It won't record you humming, but I like recording how many times it takes people to re-try. I can't look at all of the data, but it gives me ideas of what was too weak or too strong so I can play around with difficulty in my next game. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] sakurablossom 2009-10-16 01:19 am UTC (link)
	Fiiiiiine. But it better not record. I don't mind singing in the shower but I'm also not getting scored on it. And no unsolvable levels. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] microchipped 2009-10-16 01:27 am UTC (link)
	It won't, I promise. Hehe, that was a one-time deal. Or, well, it's the only time I'll do it and not tell you. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] sakurablossom 2009-10-16 01:29 am UTC (link)
	I really will hunt you down and hurt you, I don't care how important you are. It's in your best interest to keep your word. ♥ (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: [Private] microchipped 2009-10-16 02:03 am UTC (link)
	I will. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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