...taken from the artist's own MySpace, so you don't have to enter into that hellhole, and corrected to what he's actually singing. For the most part.


Love a cup, I would… ah, God yes!
Ooh... that is gorgeous. Yeah!

I need a cup of the brown stuff the shade of an acorn,
Made warm by the same source that I take my cakes from
Using a teapot, a mug or fine china
I've been hooked up to IVs for constant supplies

Now a drip for my urges might verge on perverted
But for earthy brown tea I'm certain it's worth it

With sherpas who work herds and use a fresh fountain
I discerned brews from Peruvian mountains
I've slurped up a cuppa from an elephant's trunk
With a couple of monks who utterly stunk

I've had bourbons with sultans, and creams with queens
and I've bathed in Earl Grey, I'm really that keen
A missionary dismissed me for my single epiphany
The diff between him and me's a simple sip of British tea

So when times are hard and life is rough
You can stick the kettle on and find me a cup

Now when I say Earl Grey, you say: yes please
Earl Grey — yes please
Earl Grey — yes please

When I say Assam, you say: lovely
Assam — lovely
Assam — lovely

When I say ooh, you say: ahh
Ooh — ahh
Ooh — ahh
Ooh — ahhhhhh

I've been around the world in eighty brews
To see the place it takes me to
To make a brew that tastes
like the cream cakes made by angels do

I'm not the same as you, get shaky but aim
To swig amazing fluids but don't make it the same

Now, using fine leaves picked by pretty maidens
In a bag knitted by a seamstress who lives in Copenhagen
Brewed up in a pot made of semi precious metal
Let the blessed contents settle in my very special kettle

Now when I say Oo, you say: long
Oo — long
Oo — long

When I say herbal, you say: no thanks
Herbal — no thanks
Herbal — no thanks

(No...no, I want... I want milk in it, strong though
I want to see that spoon stand up)

'If you're tired of tea, then you're tired of life.'
Hah! I'm madder than a hatter and it fires my mike
Liken me to Earl Grey, Assam or Ginger
Lapsang Souchon, raise my pinkie finger

Keep your sodding coffee in a proper copper coffee pot
and spot me lobbing teapots at your poncy rotten coffee shop
Coffee clots, nodding off, lost the plot, sodding off
Need some caffeine, tannin and a Battenberg to top it off

Cut off from a different cloth, a different lot can take their beer
On 80 cups a day, I haven't slept for 80 years
You can say I'm mad for tea or just say that I'm mad
Oh, you can't stay any longer? Oh actually I'm quite glad

(all the more Battenberg for me, I can hardly pour,
my hands have gone shaky from caffeine,
lovely though, I'd sell my grandma for a cup...
well, I'd sell YOUR grandma for a cup)

© Elemental