This is language-related and not really translatable. So it's in Dutch. Sorry!

Er wordt nchtvorst voorspeld.
Ik heb als kind heel lang gedacht dat 'nachtvorst' een ander woord was voor Sinterklaas.

Het verschil tussen een bisschop en een koning is voor een kind niet zo heel eenvoudig te doorgronden. Hun kleding, zoals je die op plaatjes ziet, lijkt nogal op elkaar. Zo heb ik ook eens aan mijn moeder gevraagd wie er hoger was, een keizer of de Paus.

En Sinterklaas opereert natuurlijk vooral 's nachts.

Verder wordt er vaak gesproken over nachtvorst rond de tijd dat de eerste speelgoedfolders met Sint Nicolaas erop in de brievenbus vallen. Dus.

...but I've just ordered a SheWee.
It's a plastic device that allows women to pee standing up, while keeping their pants mostly on. Yes, I guess you could call it a substitute penis. Only for one of its functions, though, obviously  :-)
I thought it would come in handy while travelling. Especially when out on a bike ride: there's always so much clothing you need to take off before you can get to the bare essence, so to speak.


Being Dutch, frugal and not inclined to buy the first thing that comes along, I did a little research and found several similar products, all with really silly names:
the P-Mate is not reuseable, the Whiz Freedom (also known as Whizaway) and the Freshette were fairly expensive especially with postage, and the GoGirl, while cheap at a modest 5 dollars, isn't even available outside the North-American continent. [insert really smart pun on 'continent' and 'incontinent' here]
The SheWee, however, could be mine for a mere £11  (about  €12  or $16) which seemed fair.
So that's the one I ordered.
I can't wait for my newly bought freedom to arrive so I can, pardon the pun, give it a go.

You'll love this one. Found it on fuzzy_dolts journal.
( click to watch )

You'll love this one. Found it on fuzzy_dolts journal on LJ.
( click to watch )

[Error: unknown template 'qotd']My body? Now, if the question said: mind, then I could sort of relate. Sort of, because the question would still be very badly phrased.
If my mind was inside an inanimate object, would it still be inanimate?
I think that instead of answering the question I will rephrase it.

"Imagine being an inanimate object. Choose one that already exists, or make one up. And then describe yourself."

There. All better now.

I found something odd in the boxes of books that I'd gotten for BookCrossing recently.
A book in Esperanto! I'd never seen one of those before.

[Error: unknown template 'qotd']No. I'm not an artist, I'm a craftsperson.
Artists express themselves in their work. I don't. Even though I use paint, which makes most people think of art and artists, I don't use it (mainly) to express myself; I merely strive to create a fine looking decoration or advertisement. If I've done a good job, then my work is artful. But that doesn't make it art.

See here.
What is it?
It's our kitchencam:
an old dinosaur of a HP digicam; that I bought second hand back in 1997, and that we now use as a webcam so we can see if the breadmaker has finished.
(Our living room is rather far away from the kitchen.)
But currently it's pointed at a LED display board Stoneshop found in a dumpster somewhere, and got back into working order.
Yes, he's a tinkerer. It's one of my favourite things about him.
The display board is running in demo mode, since he hasn't yet found a way to communicate with it and program it. It's strutting its stuff, so to speak; spouting seemingly random words and graphics just to show what it can do.
The camera takes a picture every 45 seconds, which is sent to a PC and shown on the page. Which is then shown on the internets, because we can.
The result is unpredictable.
Techno-poetry. Made with obsolete techology. I love it.

(It probably looks better when seen at night. Like it is now. Here, that is.)

Kind of a rant, I guess.

This is a spin-off from a Chit Chat thread. I don't want to harp on about it there, because it might make the person I replied to uncomfortable, but harping on about something that bugs you is part of what LiveJournal is about, right?
Right. So, what I posted there was this:

> the resident grammar/spelling nazi

Sorry to interrupt, but I wish people would not use this expression.
I understand that its meaning feels differently to different people, but to me and many other Europeans (and, I suspect, many people in other parts of the world too) the word nazi can't be used casually. It basically means GENOCIDE to me. That is quite a different concept from 'someone who's fanatical about certain rules'. And it distracts me from what you're saying, to say the very least.

Can we please try not to use the word nazi in a casual way?

Now I know I'm not alone in this, but at the same time I know there are people out there who don't have the foggiest what I'm on about, or think I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
Except to me it isn't nothing.

The war happened, the Holocaust happened, National-Sozialismus happened. And it was (and is) a big deal. It's a deal that literally cost millions and millions their lives. (We tend to know about the over six million Jews, but we don't always realise there were probably over 26 millions of Russians who died as a direct result of this war).
See, this war I'm talking about wasn't really all that long ago. Lots of people are alive today that remember it. Even my own parents (and I'm blessed to still have parents) remember it. And it happened right here. The results can be seen in many places all over my town and my country.
(For those not in the know, I live within crawling distance from the bridge that was made famous by the book and film 'A Bridge Too Far'.)


Picture: what the center of my city looked like, just after the war, after most of the rubble had been cleared away. This is where I go to the market nowadays.

In any case, it's much too close in many ways (in time, in location, in the collective memory of my people and many others) to make light of it. And the word 'nazi' will never be just another word for me.
So if you want to describe someone who's a stickler for rules, in a humourous way, please think of another word, or make up a new one. Let's please not use this one anymore. There are too many memories (even though they're not mine). It's just too hurtful.

No, I didn't enjoy the 'soup nazi' Seinfeld episode much either.

(Originally posted on MySpace)
Lumpectomy.

Not because of what it means, of course. But because it's an ugly, ugly word.

Lumpectomy.
Say it again: lumpectomy.

What does it mean?
It means the removal of a lump from the breast, by means of surgery.
The word (LUMPECTOMY!) is made of two parts:
Lump. Ectomy.

Lump is an English word.
Ectomy isn't: it has its root in Latin, the language that's still used for all things medical. You can have a hysterectomy (removal of the womb), a pneumonectomy (removal of the lungs or a part thereof), pretty much any kind of *ectomy you like or need.
But you can't, won't and shouldn't combine two words from different languages in the unnatural and perverse way it has been done to form this abomination of a word:

Lumpectomy.

(My sincerest sympathy to all those who need or needed a lump removed from a breast. I just can't stand the word.)

(Originally posted on MySpace)
Soms maak ik voor de lol gekke teksten op bestaande melodietjes. Vaak probeer ik dicht bij een deel van de originele tekst te blijven, dat is grappiger. Hier zijn er twee, je kunt vast wel zien wat de originele tekst was.

---

Yoghurt
Of vla
Wat is
er nà?
IJs of rijs-
tepap
Of ba-
varois.

Voor hopjes of vanille
Ga ik door de knieën
Knijp dat pak maar uit
Griesmeelpap of fruit-
yoghurt.
Oeeeh oehoehoeee,
yoghurt.*

---

Zeven brieven heb ik jou geschreven
Zeven brieven vol van mijn verdriet
Waar zijn al die brieven toch gebleven
Zelfs de klantenservice weet het niet.

Zeven brieven heb ik jou geschreven
Zeven brieven vol van hartezeer
Maar een antwoord heb ik nooit gekregen
Ik vertrouw de TNT niet meer.

---

* Voor wie er niet uitkwam: Love Hurts.

(Originally posted on MySpace)
Well, others are welcome too, but it probably won't be very interesting.
This is just an announcement of the fact that my very serious and utterly useful (not...) site about instant noodle soup, which is entirely in Dutch (I told you it wouldn't be interesting) now also boasts a forum. Yes, it's also about instant noodle soup, and it's in Dutch, too.
Sorry to have bothered you.
*slinks away*

(Originally posted on MySpace)
Here's my card for all of you lovely MySpace folks! Enjoy.
(Click makes bigger)