|Current mood:|| frustrated|
Where did it all go? What do I do now?
A few things.
1. My Hair. I can't do a damn thing with it anymore. It's like it HAS to stay short or something it just won't fucking grow. I'm tired of black...thinking about going real blonde or something. I dont fucking know i need to change EVERYTHING.
2. My body. I need to star excersising and running but I don't know any good work out routines for stomach and legs. I need to get my ass in gear because im not getting any younger and I need to get healthy.
3. Location. I am serious when i say I need to get the fuck out of here. Suhail was on his way to London today and told me if I didn't have the wedding to go to he would have paid my way to go with him for a week. Do you know how awesome that wuld have been? I could have met james, checked out living there and had a good week to get shit off my mind. As soon as I can get financially set and maybe find a different job I'm fucking out of here. New hair, new look, new location, new body, new start.
4. Josh. I can't help that I still love him but I am going to try my best to grow the fuck up and move on.
5. Matt. I was doing a survey earlier and it said what was the nicest text you recieved in your inbox? And I went to the first text in my inbox and it was when Matt and I were really into eachother. he was always saying really nice things to me and it made me really sad...we are still friends but where did that spark go? WHY is it so different now? It was really hard for him because of the distance but I did what i could to work things out. He used to tell me he was lucky to even be my friend because he thought guys were just dying to be with me and he didnt know what he did or how he got so lucky to get me to like him ...
He would tell me it was hard for him to leave when i was with him. It was hard for him to wake up and know that i wasn't there. Hard for him to sleep at night. He used to tell me he misses me so much and I should go see him because he was feeling ill without me. All these things....why can't I find a guy who says these things and can stick around or be closer?
WTF happened to DUES? he dissapeared and I REALLY had high hopes for him....
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