HEEEEYYYY Monday 18.4.2011 @ 1:31pm I bet no one really posts here anymore. Miss me? Prob not. 3Whisper{Into the wind}

RED WHITE AND BOUND Wednesday 28.1.2009 @ 1:21pm WHEN: Friday, Jan 30, 2009 9:00 PM WHERE: ASEFU's 1920 9th Street, NW DC washington DC DETAILS: Celebrate with your friends at BOUNDs new venue! Cheap drinks, smoking deck, two floors Change you can believe in! It's Friday January 30th  at BOUNDS new venue featuring ALL beers @ $4 and top shelf liqur @ $5, 2 floors of music, back smoking deck and more. The theme is Red, White & BOUND! it's a Post- Inauguration Celebration! Now that the dust has cleared from the Nation’s Capital it’s time for the true heroes of Freedom to party like rock stars! Wear your Red, White and Blue Latex, Leather, PVC, Spandex! Patriotic Super Heroes and Soldiers! Make it fun, colorful, and sexy! AGAIN: smokers! Late night food service! We also have AWESOME, drink specials for our grand opening! ALL beers (Guinness etc.) $4 Single Liqueur Drinks (Grey Goose, Captain Morgan, Bacardi, Jose Cuervo etc.) $5 High Call Long Island $8 AND we are now an 18+ event! DJS: DJ Panic (Bound's veteran DJ) DJ Cosmo Guest DJs K and DJ XY (both from Rapture in Baltimore) ADMISSION: Guests in theme attire, fetish, or all black $10 Guests not in at least all black or the above $20 LOCATION INFORMATION: Asefu Restaurant and Lounge 1920 9th Street, NW DC (between T and U on 9th) **Green Line Metro, U Street stop, exit at the Vermont Ave side, head towards 9th street, hang a right, Asefu is about half way down the block** It's great fun with great music and the friendliest people so come by and have the time of your life! {Into the wind}

Hey all...moving to LJ Wednesday 30.7.2008 @ 1:46pm Yea the resentment I have for Scribbld just gets worse and worse unfortunately so I am moving to LJ. i think i will be MUCH happier there. My username there is: zellywelly I had signed up with this same user name but for some reason i cant remember the password or email i used to sign up for it lol so im SOL and had to sign up with a shorter version of my long lived blogging name. So anyway anyone with an LJ add me and If you could leave your LJ names here for me that'd be great. If LJ sucks my next step is going to IJ. I just want to be at a place where i can easily customize my journal and be away from drama and stop HEARING about drama. I have PLENTY to talk about now so i wont be MIA like i have been here on LJ. Toodles guys. I miss you all 12Whisper{Into the wind}

WTF MINI Sunday 29.6.2008 @ 2:54pm My dog i dont know WHY or HOW she does this but she has an obsession with eating needles and pins. I dont know how the fuck she somehow just FINDS them but she is always going around the house like it's her GOAL to find them and she always find them somewhere and she eats them....im like WTF u PSYCHO dog...that's gonna tear up your mouth you idiot!!! I don't effin get it 1Whisper{Into the wind}

Bound @ Red Lounge Sunday 29.6.2008 @ 1:56am So last night I went to Bound and was happy to see that Brendon was there, Tabby went with Nick, Caitlin showed up later, juice, Leonidas, and Matt were there along with some regulars and Ashley came too. It was a fun night, cyber night but I didnt have naything cyber to wear so i went in all white. Im too tired to really describe anything but i will just say this.... It was fucking FUN. One of the best nights at bound I have had in a long time and I got my ass handed to me. I got spanked with a paddle a few times by everyone but Arthur slapped my ass so hard right below it actually that he left a handprint welt lol it hurts so bad. I have a ton of scars and bruises too. Good times, they sting like hell but i dont care too much haha. Talk to ya later guys :) {Into the wind}

LOL @ Colleen Saturday 21.6.2008 @ 2:46pm mood | devious She made a good point saying i dont update much here when I am actually happy. LOL go figure, drama and sadness spawn most journal entries with a lot of people i'd say. Well Me and Brendon are still seeing eachother. That's my BOO lol...he calls me his boo it's cute. At first I didn't like him calling me that but im ok with it now. 13 days till vacation! Its gonna be so fun and im gonna get SO SHITTY. i cant wait. let's see what has been going on in my life lately?Well I been working, going to bars, spending a lot of time in DC, getting a lot of parking tickets, avoiding people, etc etc. Yeah I got nothing. How about I just show you this: My Boo bought me those pink glasses the other day :) We went to Pentagon City and I got some stuff from Victoria Secret too. I fancied this picture up for you Colleen lol. Oh yea for those of you who knew me on GJ, You have heard of me talk about Indira before. She is moving to boston tomorrow :( well at least she will be more reason to go out there now that Charlie is out there too now. I am trying to think of things to do tonight with her out in DC but I know Octavia is having a Captain Party at her place :) Might see if she wants to do that. I was gonna take little nikki with me tonight but she cant go OUT anywhere since she is underaged and if she drinks she will try to rape me....UGH. Thinking about rockin dreds today :) See ya guys. 2Whisper{Into the wind}

Wednesday 18.6.2008 @ 2:01pm mood | working scribbld is a bit annoying for multiple reasons. Thinking about switching over to a new site but i just don't know where the best place would be. anyway, spent yesterday with Brendon. It was REALLY nice. I spent the night Monday night. We went out for a couple beers, met a couple of his friends and was asked by some creepy guy at the bar who kept getting close to me and making awkward and random conversation if he and i were married to which i QUICKLY replied YES and he pat Brendon on the shoulder and said "Excellent choice man" and then he left us the fuck alone finally. Went back to his casa and stayed up kinda late on account of us doing the dirty Well we spent yesterday at the Wharf in DC then we went back to the casa and he did a little work and we laid in bed being lazy and cuddling. we had a LOT of sex. This guy can have multiple orgasms like a pro. He never stops and when we finally do we go at it again an hour later or something haha mmm life is good. 17 more days until vacation. Can't wait. 14Whisper{Into the wind}

A little Hot, a little cold Sunday 15.6.2008 @ 10:59am Last night was really fun. Went to Hardtimes with Tabby and Nick. The ususal suspects were there. It was a AWESOME time. i actually PLAYED pool this time and evevrytime i played solo or on a team i won! We had a 9ball screw ball game...two rounds of sheer made up bullshit where if you got #1 in you got a slap in the face, 5 was gut punch, 7 was ball punch, 9 was taint pinching and so on. Nick kept WANTING TO WIN it was hilarious but tabby always got the taint pinch in the end, which means she won both rounds. I just got the Angelina Jolie Entertainment Weekly mag in the mail. Was looking forward to reading this issue :) now i have something to do at work. I also just recieved a birthday card form my brother Drew. My birthday was in April but he always manages to do something for me and my sister whenever he can but I never EXPECT him to. I read it and for the first time actually cried...why? because I have another sister and 5 brothers who don't say shit to us. They dont treat us like family, and the ONLY one who does, the only one we are closed to is Drew and that sucks. He is amazing and i love him so much but what about the other 4 brothers? We aren't the closest family in the world but back when we were younger we WERE. We had the best family events but we just dont anymore. no one talks, I dont get it. Daryl used to be there for us and REALLY treat us like a big brother should up until he went into the Army then he changed, go figure. Now he is just a drunk hermit who had the same gf for 10+ years, FINALLY got engaged to her then dumped her.... It's just sad. I want my family back. 3Whisper{Into the wind}

What the blazing haphazzards? Friday 13.6.2008 @ 6:52pm mood | uncomfortable I can't sleep very well with Brendon anymore. That sucks cuz we used to just pass out comfortably together but since it's gotten hotter neither of us sleep well at all. He was a little down about it earlier. "We HAVE to find a way we can sleep together again because I can't sleep for shit these days and I like sleeping next to you" - I quote. I agree, neither can I. I went to work straight from his place today and I passed out on the couch in the back room the second the doctor left which was at 2 and didn't wake up until damn near 5pm and i get OFF at 4....i got paid for it though so haha sweet. It's so nice out but im so broke and gas is not cheap so i suppose im stuck inside all night :/ fuckin ay. {Into the wind}

M*A*S*H Wednesday 11.6.2008 @ 11:52pm mood | amused     I will marry James.     After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in New Jersey in our fabulous Apartment.     We will have 2 kid(s) together.     Our family will zoom around in a Purple Prelude.   I will spend my days as a Graphics teacher, and live happily ever after.       HOW PERFECT IS THAT!? Hahahah everything is awesome, id love for it to happen for real....tho after a while id want a HOUSE in jersey....lol cant live in an apartment with 2 kids forever. 1Whisper{Into the wind}

Sexual Healing Wednesday 11.6.2008 @ 8:50pm mood | relaxed So I was thinking and contemplating on sensuality and the things that may or may not lead to sex. I am looking at 2 people with their lips pressed together, and that is all. What makes a kiss so wonderful? What makes someone elses mouth on yours feel right? I never really thought about it, what makes a kiss special, why a kiss can lead to so much more. It's strange to me. It feels wonderful, it's nice to feel soft lips on yours but it's also so very strange to me how the simple act of kissing someone can manipulate feelings of love and lust. A kiss can make a friendship an intimate relationship. A kiss can lead to the sensual traces of someone's hands against your body, then it drives your body to want to melt into that person, it makes you crave more, it sparks emotions, needs, desires. It's a mouth touching another mouth.... 1Whisper{Into the wind}

Marzipan. Not really. Tuesday 10.6.2008 @ 11:28pm mood | horny I love the way Brendon looks at me and touches me. The little comments he makes under his breath, it's so sexy <3 This Plurk thig is really funny. Tabby, Carole, Suhail and another friend of mine joined and all we do is go toe-to-toe with insults and funny comments all day long. ITS SO FUN. Great way to kill time at work and at home. I can't stop watching porn >:\ 12Whisper{Into the wind}

Monday 9.6.2008 @ 2:22pm mood | bored 3.5 more hours of death! Im about to fall asleep here at work, just struggling to stay awake sucks. It's hotter than a hooker on 9th street out. I had a great lunch though and the only thing keeping me awake is Vile City and Plurk. {Into the wind}

Plurk. Monday 9.6.2008 @ 1:32am mood | tired PLURK YO You should join Plurk. You briefly type in your thoughts or feelings and your friends or other people can comment or relate. Its kind of nifty. 2Whisper{Into the wind}

I love colleen Saturday 7.6.2008 @ 4:50pm mood | full okay so in an attempt to make me feel better and get my mind off things, Colleen, after reading my last entry invited me over to make cookies and plant tomatoes and such though me helping was just watching lol. I'm a professional watcher, it's what i DOES. So we chit chat, look at her wedding photos which were fucking cute as hell, made me jealous all over again, talked about a lot of random shit lol like ghosts and babies and then we hit the tequila. She poisoned me with yummy tequila, I got pretty drunk from it and then when kyle got there after work he caught up and we watched Juno. I thought it was really sweet though that Colleen tried to get Brendon over there knowing how i was feeling down about it all and though he got off late, he agreed to go out of his way and hang out. THANK YOU COLLEEN. That meant a lot <3 So we drank a little and we all went to bed. We were behaved btw Colleen lol we were too fucking tired to do anything so we past out. He needed to get home so I just drove him home which is why you may notice the stuff in the bathroom is not used lol but THANK YOU FOR YOUR ACCOMODIES :p *sigh* I like him a lot...we didnt talk much last night, didnt do much of anything really, just slept then i took him home....kind of a waste but at least I got to see him. Tonight is ladies night in Adams Morgan, mayeb i can see him later since i will be in DC {Into the wind}

Waiting is no fun Friday 6.6.2008 @ 1:01pm mood | thoughtful I find myself in all this down time at work and at home with no power, getting lost in my thoughts and when i get lost in them i get really confused and start thinking things I shouldnt think. Start wondering things i shouldnt but i am only human and I am curious but how far does curiosity take you when you are really alone or bored? I have been very happy with how things are going in my life minus always being broke from shitty pay but Brendon is what makes me happy however his work schedule is so conflicting. We went from seeing eachother everyday to seeing eachother once a week if we get lucky. He works 12 hours a day 7 days a week (something like that) and its not always like that and I have been understanding and patient but then i find myself wondering about other people. If they'd have more time, what it'd be like, etc. Those thoughts make me kind of upset because I dont want to think about anyone other than brendon because I am happy with him though we are not an official couple, he makes me happy, and so why would I want to ruin that? I have actually been thinking about inviting Mike out if i go out this weekend. I was thinking about another person as well...3 people actually just because I had a good relationship with them then it kind of *poof* in thin air...left me wondering if things could be the same as it was. *sigh* Guess i should just be happy with what i have right? I normally am but I don't know how much longer I can just sit here and wait. 3Whisper{Into the wind}

Picture dump & some things most interesting Tuesday 3.6.2008 @ 7:01pm mood | groggy Is it just me or whenever you have finally got yourself in a relationship, all these fucking guys come out of the woodworks to holler at you. Especially guys that you have had a crush on since for ever....SO not fair. im fucking MORE than happy with Brendon but its SO not fair that these guys are coming about now. I went to Hard times last night with tabby to see a bar tending competition. It was fun, didnt watch the shit but hung out with friends and such instead. This guy cuts in my convo and goes "Don't I know you?" and I was naturally gonna hit him with the Auto GTFO like i normally go but I actually looked at him and saw ....'Omfg it's Mike from junior High' I was like ...oh yea...Mike...From Walt Whitman....he was like HOLY FUCKING SHIT...YOU ARE SO FUCKING SEXY. I CANT BELIEVE THIS LOOK HOW HOT U R....i was like 'oh fuckin great ...' I had the BIGGEST crush on him back in the day and he is super cute and looks the same and acts the same only he's more muscular and has facial hair....SHIT...why now? So we talk and he is all on my nuts like a squirrel and then he grabs me when he goes to leave and asks me to give him a kiss..... I was like "ARE U SERIOUS? I havent seen you for how many years and you are going to be that bold like we are friends like that?" and he smiled and said "But ... ur so fuckin hot" so I kissed my fingers and with that same hand smacked the shit out of him. Apparently he is in some band here (of 9 years now) called UNKNOWN. he asked if we wanted to go on tour with them and play along since we are in a band too. I told him id run it by the mates but i dont think we are gonna be up for it...i know im kinda not. Anyway PICS. ( ME ) Looked like the Apocolypse was upon us here: ( Cool Storm Pics ) ( Tabby and Suwan's Hooked up Lexus ) ( My Pudgy Pie Mini ) And finally Mike from Junior High ( With some bandmates too ) 7Whisper{Into the wind}

Weekend Update with ZELLY Sunday 1.6.2008 @ 4:54pm mood | drained I really just checked in to read everyone elses entries today. BUT now that im on I might as well tell you about my weekend. Aside of what i already blogged about for yesturday, last night was kind of a wreck. I went to DC to hang with Brendon. I met with him and Pat at some place for dinner. It was nice, i love Pat he's really funny. During Dinner, tabby and caitlin are calling me talking about plans to go hang in dc. Tabby changes her mind, brendon is tired so i tell cailtin not to come and i bail on arhtur and matt. well Tabby changes her mind, i call cailtin and tell her to come and still bail on amtt and arthur because tabby and matt were kind of hookin up and tabby was gonna be with her new guy so i didnt want drama. Well Brendon and I go back to his place, he passes out cuz he works 12 hours a day 7 days a week and I tell him to sleep till they arrive (which was supposed to be a half hour later) Well when Tabby or Caitlin say a time, add an hour or 2 ALWAYS. so they come over 2 hours later when brendon is still passed out and im getting sleepy and sketching him sleeping out of boredom. He wakes up to go out, we all go to this place around the way and had a good time. Caitlin is her usual promiscuous drunk and happy self, Tabby and Nick are doing their thing and me and Brendon are chillin till cailtin dissappears and comes back with ARTHUR AND MATT....I was like OH....NO. Luckily Matt wasnt his typical asshole self, he asked me a few questions, got over it and enjoyed himself despite the fact that Tabby and nick wouldn't take the dicks out of eachothers asses. Anyway me and brendon leave, Arthur apparently broke up with Lori which was a SHOCK. he is a swinger, so was she and they were perfect for eachother given his personality and the things he does, she never minded cuz they were both open minded. I NEVER seen him get that bad so he got tore up, threw up and passed out pretty much. he was not in a good place. The sex afterwards was really good too haha SAY WHAT? 4Whisper{Into the wind}

Battle Royale @ Work Saturday 31.5.2008 @ 7:03pm mood | irate so it finally happened. I flipped the fuck out on Dr. Adair. See I did my normal routine, go out and have lunch when i want...i NEVER asked before and NEVER told him i was going for MONTHS and there were never issues. All of a sudden today because I went with my sister and her co-worker who work next door, when i get back he FLIPS OUT ON ME! He was yelling at me about how i went off to go fuck around and dick around with them and he had to eat shit when a patient came in blah blah so I cursed him out telling him that his mother fucking ass goes on hour long break with the SAME GUY TABBY AND I WENT WITH TODAY to holler at girls, he leaves his patients waiting for an hour and i have to tell them he is doing a procedure or something important so they arent waiting just so he can get his rocks off. I told him he has the NERVE when he cancels a whole day of appointments to go GOLFING. he has the NERVE when i do this EVERYDAY with or WITHOUT patients in the office and there is no problem but the ONE TIME I go with other people he has a fucking problem so I asked him to explain what the fucking deal is really about. We were screaming and cursing at eachother for 20 minutes before i told him to go fuck himself and act like a real professional doctor for once and I didnt have to take that shit from him when i did NOTHING WRONG. I got my shit and was headed out the door when he lowered his tone and tried to be nicer. Which at that point i told him it was already way too late and i was out of there. Fuck him. {Into the wind}

How Boring Friday 30.5.2008 @ 9:46pm mood | thoughtful I miss Matt. I miss knowing he was someone I could talk to everyday about anything. I sent him a text telling him I miss him being that friend I could counton cuz he called me randomly (after not hearing from him for months) Just to say hi and chit chat He was excited to know we were coming up in July but I wish it'd be the same. I just miss not feeling like he could give a shit less now. Anyway, I really wanna get my shit back from Josh but he says he is busy 24-7 which is crap since I can see him online playing XBOX all the time. and I know he has plenty of fucking time to go to BUNGALOWS on Thursdays. *sigh* I haven't seen Brendon in a while. Makes me feel distant....my feelings are all loopy. I like him but when we aren't around eachother i miss him like crazy then i times I think I might not care....but I know i do...I don't know what that's all about. Mike Called me. Haven't seen him since the last Masquerade Ball in the summer and haven't spoken to him for a couple of years (on the phone or in person) so it was a surprise hearing from him. He asked me to go to Georgetown with him for a bit on Thursday, I didn't go, then he invited me to EXPOSURE and i didn't go...idk I don't go because i know that he used to have a thing for me and me seeing brendon, it can't be good to hang with another guy who i think may have feelings for me though when we see eachother he does his own thing so ...idk.... This is him btw. Always loved that pic. I feel free these days though. California was good, going to Jersey in july for a week. been goingt o new places and having a life again. It feels good but there are many things I miss from my past but it's not worth getting in to. Sayonara for now. {Into the wind}

Goth Prom and College Park Monday 26.5.2008 @ 1:16pm mood | drained This weekend has been fun as shit. Gonna take a few days of rest to recooperate but it's so worth it. Thursday night was Goth Prom, we saw a good handful of people we knew there, music was good, the outfits were the BEST part, everyone went all out for the most part. In the pictures I will show you, the girl in the black mask is Tabby, in the pictures with her, im the one in all black and the top hat lol. Her and cowboy looked good together and Kyle and Colleen looked fucking awesome, like they were in the 20's. Friday was Carole's bday, she came up from SC to celebrate and the guys in College Park threw a Car Bomb party that we took her too. She had a lot of fun making out with Leonidas aka Chris. We played a shitload of KINGS and got pretty shitfaced lol, lots of cool people at that party. Saturday I had to work, we went to Olive garden for dinner and I went home and passed out while Tabby and Carole went to Brit's in woodbridge and got shitfaced. Sunday was a relaxing day. we went to Oldtown for a hangover picnic which was nice, we brought the dogs and laid out on a blanket. Carole went home while me and tabby went back to oldtown to pick up brendon, got thai food, went to play pool at HT, then I went to Brendon's. NOW everyone is fucking gone or working, i dont have SHIT to do, im tired, bored, and lonely. BOO. ANYWAY, PICS! ALL GOTH PROM PICS HERE 4Whisper{Into the wind}

Prom happenings and pics Tuesday 20.5.2008 @ 10:56pm mood | artistic It's funny saying "prom" because it makes me feel like I'm in Highschool again though I graduated Highschool 7 years ago haha. man that means 3 more years until my reunion....doubt I'll go. Anyway, so Goth prom is Thursday and I'm excited. I completed my petticoat tonight and put it on under my skirt, looks great. The top looks good with the skirt because it's the same material. I made a top hat as well. my shitty digi cam takes horrible pics but i tried hard to get one so you guys can see....i think it's lovely and the roses match the corsage. ( Hat pics ) ( And for shits and giggles! LOL ) I look like shit in case you all couldn't tell. Yes i got my hair cut too. 11Whisper{Into the wind}

Bunched up Updates Monday 19.5.2008 @ 10:58am mood | excited Haven't been around to post lately. Gots good reasons yo. Went to Cali, had lots of fun. Always sunny, lots of beach time but the people there are not my thing. Cali is like a different country and Im so used to the East Coast so I wasn't used to the Cali mentality. Not syaing it's bad but it's not for me. Me and Brendon have been doing FANTASTIC. He just makes me so happy. Everything he does and everything he is is just perfect. This Thursday is Goth Prom and Brendon is going as my date. He is excited about going, I can't wait simply because my skirt and top are very old school gothic victorian looking. I need to go buy a small top hat and decorate it, along with a petticoat cuz i think i need one. Kyle and colleen along with Tabby and Cowboy are going too so it should be a blast. Carole is coming up for her bday this weekend starting friday. Matt is having a party at his place (he lives with arthur) and he invited Pat, Brendon, and our crew so it should be fun. gonnna take carole to that then sat if its nice gonna go to the zoo then the comedy club. I have an exciting life right now :) see ya later guys. 9Whisper{Into the wind}

? Friday 9.5.2008 @ 1:11pm mood | stressed Is it bad or wrong to feel a little down because you really want to see someone though you hogged up their time for days on end recently? Is it bad to want more time? UGH i know what it is...its because i havent been this happy in years and i finally meet someone worth my time and worth talking to. Someone who i didnt meet at a bar or club. Someone who is gentle, sweet, kind, considerate, interesting. when you have good feelings and are around someone who makes you feel happy and good about yourself it's natural to want more right? I just need to tell myself that he likes me and that he will have time and he wont have time and I have to accept that tho i dont want to lol. Its just that i spend a lot of time at home by myself and most of my friends are far away or have kids and its hard to find someone to talk to these days and chill with. I like having a friend. i like being able to kiss that friend too. And hold his hand :) 5Whisper{Into the wind}

Boo shitty Thursday Thursday 8.5.2008 @ 6:49pm mood | full The only thing I have to look forward to today is LOST. It's shitty out so it destroys my desire to go anywhere. Im still in my pjs and i am eating spinach and mushroom pizza.....BOO! Tomorrow is supposed to be shitty out too....damnit it all to hell. 2Whisper{Into the wind}

You treat me like a queen Wednesday 7.5.2008 @ 3:44pm mood | thankful Brendon woke up at 6:45am this morning to go walk 15 min down the road to my car and move it closer to the apartment so that I didn't have to wake up and do it. He didn't want to wake me either. He is so fucking nice. When I woke up, there was hot coffee by the table for me, made just how I always make it. He treats me so nice and he pays such close attention to everything I do or say. I am so smitten ^^ 9Whisper{Into the wind}

Reagan ;P Wednesday 7.5.2008 @ 12:38pm mood | hyper So Brendon's Bday was on Monday (cinco de Mayo) along with creepy's bday. I went to work, went to Over the border or w/e it's called across the way for a quick Mexican celebration with Charlie, Octavia, Tabby and Atilya then rushed over to the Rhodeside Grill in Clarendon for Creepy's bday. His friends and gf are AWESOME. Then I was going to go home assuming Brendon had plans for his bday and I didn't want to bother him. Well he calls me up and says he is tired and will celebrate it on Thurs at this place by his house and asks me to spend the evening with him so i do. The next day we spend the ENTIRE day outside. Ate lunch outside, went to a park and layed in the grass for a couple of hours, walked around then went to see Ironman. Ironman is fucking AWESOME. it's so sexy and I may be biased because i have always been a HUGE fan of the comics when I was younger but it's pretty fucking good. Robert Downey Jr did an AWESOME job at playing Tony Stark. Brendon didn't want me to go home so we went for a drink after the movie and back to his place and I stayed there again and went right to work from his place. 1 full day and 2 nights with him. It was amazing, he is such a perfect gentleman. So sweet too. right before bed we watched soem Cowboy beebop which surprised me...didn't know he liked things like that :) *Beams* 3Whisper{Into the wind}

A night in Mt.Pleasant & Adams Morgan Sunday 4.5.2008 @ 11:28pm mood | excited I went to DC to hang out with Brendon last night. We went to a bar around the corner from his house. It was nice and cozy then Arthur called and asked if he could join along with Lori and Matt. I said okay and then Brendon invited his friend Patrick to join as well. We had SO much fun. We went to Bedrock billiards down the road after that and everyone got to know eachother better and Patrick was the coolest fucking guy ever. he was HILARIOUS and really friendly. Matt renamed Brendon, Reagan because he said he misheard his name and liked it better anyway so he was Reagan all night. It was as if Arthur, Matt, and Lori already knew the 2 of them because they blended in so well with them and got along in no time. Brendon really liked them, I really liked Project Pat (aka Patty, to Matt) Pat left after that and the rest of us went to the Hookah Bar in Adams Morgan and relaxed for a while. Everyone went to get pizza afterwards except me and Brendon, we just called it a night. He is FANTASTIC you guys. He is such a sweet guy. he plays along with everything and contributes to my gross humor and has no problems with showing effection in front of people. he always seems so engaged when he is talking to me. Like no one else is around....I fucking love that. Wow...come to think of it....we spent the whole weekend together...Friday was the BBQ @ Kyle and Colleen's. Sat was Downtown and Today we went to get coffee and hang out in Mt. Pleasant for a while where he works before he had to go in. I have had the BEST weekend ever and it's because of Brendon and my awesome friends. We were going to hang out tonight (we can't get enough of eachother apparently lol) but I told him I feel like im hogging up all of his time and i should give him a break from me for a day lol. Went out to dinner with Tabby in Clarendon @ Las Tapas. best food ever. It was such a nice day out. Can't wait to kiss that boy again. 7Whisper{Into the wind}

Ho Hum Saturday 3.5.2008 @ 6:22pm mood | good Ever felt a certain way about someone who feels the same way about you but even though people know about it, you keep it reserved? It's kind of nice, like a flirtacious game. When you are in a room and he walks in and sees you, people are talking to him but he can't take his eyes off of you and he keeps a modest smile on his face as you look at him from across the way. It's refreshing. 19Whisper{Into the wind}

A date :D Thursday 1.5.2008 @ 10:59am mood | optimistic I went out with Brendon last night. Idk if it was a date or not but it was really nice. I'd say we had a good time. Went to get something to eat and it was early as fuck when we were done and being he came from DC to hang out I felt bad just being like "ok well see ya later" so we went to some place down the road in Clarendon for a beer and called it a night. We were supposed to go out on Friday but we had been talking on the phone yesturday from 5:30 to about 8:30 and he just said he had a good idea and that we should go out then so we did. It was nice. I am really happy you guys he is such a sweetheart. He is softspoken though haha it's totally cute but I feel bad cuz I say "what?" a lot. 11Whisper{Into the wind}

Wedding pics :) Tuesday 29.4.2008 @ 4:11pm mood | hungry Pics from kyle and Colleen's wedding. Very good times were had. ( Pics behind cut ) In seperate news i apologized for looking like hot sick mess on Sunday. He said he was not his best either so i told him I thought he looked handsome as-is. "And for the record, I'm amazed that you think so. Not sure how I ended up being so lucky. You are so damn fine... Shorty. Also one very refreshing" That was the response i got (lol "shorty" is an inside joke we have in reference to Huntington) awww :) 11Whisper{Into the wind}

ohohohoho Monday 28.4.2008 @ 4:04pm mood | sleepy Can't really tell how im feeling right now. Happy...definately. excited...yes....nervous? you bet. Regardless I feel great. I left my phone at home...im hoping for some texts and such....I hate when a day goes by and no one says anything to me :( Anyway im off, Doctor Adair keeps looking over my shoulder and it's annoying me lol. I am in a good mood despite the shitty weather btw. And colleen LOL @ ur response i was expecting you to REALLy say something about it but what u put just made me LOL. 2Whisper{Into the wind}

The Wedding Sunday 27.4.2008 @ 9:37pm mood | anxious I was iffy about making a private entry about it or making a public one since I know Colleen would want to read about this and she doesn't have an account but there are some things i really need to keep private so i will make another entry and just so you know Colleen, it's nothing bad so if you wanna read it let me know and I will copy and paste it to your myspace or something :) I will say this publically though....couldn't have been a greater wedding :) Im so happy for you guys! 2Whisper{Into the wind}

Smile like you mean it Thursday 24.4.2008 @ 9:09pm mood | determined I am trying so hard to think and be positive about everything that is happening right now in my life and I have a couple of good friends to thank for this. Everything happens for a reason afterall right? So I am excited about this weekend. finally got paid and am no longer broke which si a huge relief but i WILL be after the hotel is paid for and i get back home Sunday :D hooray!...in any case....should be fun. They are having Beer Olympics after the wedding WTF how awesome is that? LMFAO i just dont wanna be on a team with Kyle's brothers altho for some reason i think they are good at those kinds of games haha. I have some reasonable goals I am going to aim for. i realized I work....and when im home i do nothing so I might as well find another job or try to get more hours or something and work harder, get a raise or SOMETHING to achieve these goals because without goals I have nothing to live for im just living and working for nothing.... Well, wish me luck! 11Whisper{Into the wind}

Wednesday 23.4.2008 @ 10:53pm im too nice to people....mostly to those who realy dont deserve it..... Annnnnnd I want sex. 9Whisper{Into the wind}

Where did it all go? What do I do now? Wednesday 23.4.2008 @ 12:34am mood | frustrated A few things. 1. My Hair. I can't do a damn thing with it anymore. It's like it HAS to stay short or something it just won't fucking grow. I'm tired of black...thinking about going real blonde or something. I dont fucking know i need to change EVERYTHING. 2. My body. I need to star excersising and running but I don't know any good work out routines for stomach and legs. I need to get my ass in gear because im not getting any younger and I need to get healthy. 3. Location. I am serious when i say I need to get the fuck out of here. Suhail was on his way to London today and told me if I didn't have the wedding to go to he would have paid my way to go with him for a week. Do you know how awesome that wuld have been? I could have met james, checked out living there and had a good week to get shit off my mind. As soon as I can get financially set and maybe find a different job I'm fucking out of here. New hair, new look, new location, new body, new start. 4. Josh. I can't help that I still love him but I am going to try my best to grow the fuck up and move on. 5. Matt. I was doing a survey earlier and it said what was the nicest text you recieved in your inbox? And I went to the first text in my inbox and it was when Matt and I were really into eachother. he was always saying really nice things to me and it made me really sad...we are still friends but where did that spark go? WHY is it so different now? It was really hard for him because of the distance but I did what i could to work things out. He used to tell me he was lucky to even be my friend because he thought guys were just dying to be with me and he didnt know what he did or how he got so lucky to get me to like him ... He would tell me it was hard for him to leave when i was with him. It was hard for him to wake up and know that i wasn't there. Hard for him to sleep at night. He used to tell me he misses me so much and I should go see him because he was feeling ill without me. All these things....why can't I find a guy who says these things and can stick around or be closer? WTF happened to DUES? he dissapeared and I REALLY had high hopes for him.... 6Whisper{Into the wind}

Yay loneliness Tuesday 22.4.2008 @ 5:01pm mood | sick music | Johnny Cash "Hurt" I am at the point in my life where i need a severe change in scenery among other things. Part of the reason why I don't like guys around here is because I know most of them and how they are and don't want any part of it. I like being in love. I like being loved back and right now I really want that. I need that. I am honestly just ready to up and go to the first person who tells me to go to them. I feel like I am READY to put everything behind me and just be with someone who loves me. If James told me he loved me today and all I need to do is go to London for him...I wouldn't hesitate. It would be the same there as it is here just a different place with different people and I think that's what I need. If Matt were to say "hey you know what? I miss you and you know...I love you let's be together" i'd fucking find a way to go to NJ and live there....im sick of VA...it's just bad to be here where all sorts of bad things have happened. I need a fresh start. I love my friends and they could never be replaced and I have so much fun with them but this is my life and I gotta do something with it...I need to get the fuck out of here. ( I don't wanna be in Love ) 3Whisper{Into the wind}

My Birthday Weekend Monday 21.4.2008 @ 4:41pm mood | confused So this weekend was ultimately very fun and I was incredibly broke. Friday was the bachelorette party which I already talked about, Saturday was the Comedy club and Lucky's and Sunday was just a nice day that I spent with my ex (yes my EX) and had a good time then later met up with Tabby and friends at Hard Times. It was a lot of fun, we had a lot of laughs, a lot of drinks, and a lot of good times but of COURSE my week has to start off really shitty and just kind of ruin the fun I had on the weekend. I don't want to get into it too much but I am tired of trying to prove something to someone who is always going to be blind to my efforts. I have a bad habit of throwing the bad things on the table when really im trying to make a point about something else...I need to work on that but still....I don't know why i keep trying. I just feel bad for the guys who were really nice to me and told me they liked me and wanted to maybe date that I was flat out rude too, told them to eff off in nice and not so nice ways, and for not giving them the chances they deserved just because I was stuck on feelings I had for someone else. It's my fault because I can't control the way I feel or WHY I feel that way but now Im just sitting here wondering....what if I had given this person or that person a chance....is it too late? for the most part it is. Is it a sign that I haven't talked to Matt in a long time and when i do I 99% of the time have to text him, but today when i pretty much got bullshit news from my ex and I was trying to figure out wtf just happened and wtf I should do that he called me? coincidently a minute after I was really upset? I like to believe that it is...but I just don't know exactly what that means.... 4Whisper{Into the wind}

The Bachelorette Party Saturday 19.4.2008 @ 3:12pm mood | giddy So despite my INSANE cramps last night (which btw Colleen that heating patch was amazing and stayed hot alllllll night) we had a lot of fun. I just wish half the shit that was planned wasn't closed and moved cuz we spent a lot of time driving around and waisting time which was NOT FUN. The beginning of the night was insane though. We went to Adams Morgan and ate at Madams Organ and the music was good the food was great and we gave out the bachelorette goodies. Penis pops we wear as rings in 8 dickalicious flavors lol. We were sucking and licking on them all night long. We had nametags like "Hi I am the Vigin" "Hi I am the slut" "Hi I am the Bride to be" etc. It was funny. We made Colleen a veil thing out of napkins lol and then she gave out coupons from the bachelorette book. The funniest one had to be when ashley got the ticket to find a guy with a Condom and blow it up like a balloon LMFAO...let me tell you that NO GUYS had any for the longest time then we found some bikers who did finally and she stood in the middle of the street pretty much blowing it up LOL it was sick. Octavia had to find a random guy at the bar with a beer and ask him if she could suck the head off the beer. Tabby had to ask some guy for a spanking cuz she had been bad. Atilya had to hide the ticket somewhere on her body and ask a guy to find it. LMFAO some of us didnt get to do ours like me, sit next to a guy, take my bra off and swing it around....lol... Overall i think it was a good time. Tonight is the Comedy Club and then Tomorrow i am going to the National Aquarium in Baltimore. I hope they have the jellyfish exhibit :o 1Whisper{Into the wind}

Just WONDERFUL Friday 18.4.2008 @ 1:31pm mood | nauseated The day i have a lot of shit to do my period comes sneaking up on me....This is going to ruin my entire mood and my entire fucking weekend. Happy birthday Me >:[ Bachelorette party tonight....go cramps! Comedy Club tomorrow....will be bleeding! Dinner or whatever for my actual birthday on sunday....PMS! Fucking great. At least doc got me a birthday cake today lol 5Whisper{Into the wind}

Vile City Tuesday 15.4.2008 @ 10:53am mood | tired I forgot.... I have been playing this game online. Vile City. I am addicted and have only been playing for an exact 2 months. I wanted to post a link to it so people can check it out and try playing. It's a fun way to pass time. It's only REALLY fun if you join a gang because then you make friends and learn how to play the game better. If anyone signs up and needs help let me know! I could really use some people i know on there. {Into the wind}

Hey Gang Tuesday 15.4.2008 @ 10:48am mood | groggy It's been some time since I have updated. I don't even really have much to update on except the fact that this month pretty much sucks with how busy shit has been. I'm growing broke just THINKING about wedding stuff. I still need shoes and a wedding gift, have to make sure I have enough money for tolls, gas, and the hotel....I need to make more money. I have realized a lot of things in my time away, good and bad things and I have learned about myself in the aspect of things I really want to do and the steps I need to take to get there. I have also realized the things I take for granted....I'm a wreck but I am pulling myself together slowly. I don't have anything exciting to talk about. I have put a lot of things on hold when it comes to guys and how I THOUGHT I felt about some of them. 6Whisper{Into the wind}

Denver? Tuesday 8.4.2008 @ 5:22am Hello FL :) Been a while. does anyone here remember that cartoon Denver the Last Dinosaur? 5Whisper{Into the wind}

Feerings? Friday 4.4.2008 @ 2:05am Self...How are you feeling? Well, I feel as though I am confusing the hell out of myself while not really confusing myself at all. Just getting myself in deeper is all. Deeper in situations I really don't care to be in and then questioning my feelings later. Knowing what i shouldnt do but doing it anyway ...yeah that's where I am at right now. I hate careing when people dont want you to care, then when you could give a fuck less they want to fucking bitch and moan about it....you either accept my feelings for what they are or go fuck yourself already! I hate feeling like people are hiding things from me. On another note, I just read James's away message. Last time we talked, he wasn't doing so good. His mum abandoned him and his family for a guy he sees using women at bars all the time but she wouldnt believe him so she smacked him instead. She will learn the hard way then i guess. Then he was going through old photos and became really depressed, I now know what they were of since I just saw his personal message on MSN. "R.I.P. Dad" And then after that he wrote "I am dreaming about my lovely American wife, not long until I see you Nikki xxx" I am touched and really happy but sad at the same time for him because I know how hard it is on him when it comes to the death of his father, especially when his mom is being the way she is. Poor kid. :( 4Whisper{Into the wind}

Funny Stuff Monday 31.3.2008 @ 3:08pm mood | amused Random funny/ fun things I have heard in the last 48 hours. me: What are you thinking about? James: I am thinking I want to start a family with you. Random Guy @ Bar: I'm too fat to fuck. Toopoor: Use the cum stun gun on his ass! Terra: Is this shit all you guys can talk about? Sucking eachothers cocks off? If so you all need a fucking vacation, go to Amsterdam or something and get your dick out of your friend's hand you gay fucks! Zarcia: Well I'd love to and all but if I did that I'd have to get my dick out of your mouth and i really like it where it is. Binzy:He needs to open his mouth wider I can hear your dick grinding on his teeth man! Eps:Nah it's good like it is. You are talking about a mouth that can only stretch to 4inches with dick that is only 4.5, it feels better that way. He is maxing out his mouth elasticity. 4Whisper{Into the wind}

WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY!!! to slit your throat. Saturday 29.3.2008 @ 9:38pm mood | frustrated Took me a while to fall asleep because no matter how I turned my pillow, it was soaked in tears. I can't sit here and act like things are ok anymore. I can't convince myself anymore that they WILL be because they never will be. I can't even sit here and THINK about him anymore without crying. I used to be a lot stronger than this. The older I get, the more afraid I get to be in relationships, to start new and date again. This whole fucking thing is sour to me. He can do nice things all he wants but behind all of his words and actions I will always see the man who really hurt me. I put everything on the table for him. EVERYTHING. I ripped my heart out of my chest and GAVE it to him, and he really fucking stabbed me in the back. My eyes are BURNING with emotions that are pouring out in the form of tears. I want to love and be loved again, but not with or by him. I just can't anymore. I really want someone i don't have to worry about. Someone who's friends I don't have to worry about getting the person I am dating to cheat on me or do stupid shit. Someone who has friends who are really nice, understanding...not a complete roster of jackoffs. I don't know what happened to Deus but I really fucking miss him. We would talk on the phone for 4 hours when he'd call once every 2-4 weeks. He would tell me about all the things he'd do for me and how much he liked me and it was real. Then he dissapeared. I wish I could talk to him again, I know i'd have a good relationship with him. Vince sounds like an asshole to me over the phone when he's not drunk. He's really sweet when he is drunk but when he is sober he sounds like he doesnt give a fuck. Matt is just my friend and James, I can't take seriously simple because he isn't even anywhere NEAR me. He says the nicest things, he's handsome and sweet but he is too far for me to really even put any thought into anything with him. I'm lonely. I'm tired of being this way and going back to him BECAUSE im lonely. I miss having someone there, holding someone, kissing someone, knowing that I have someone to go to but im tired of it being HIM. He doesn't deserve it and im making things worse with us by even giving him the time of day because i just cant get over the past with him. My head hurts, my eyes are sandy, and my heart weighs heavy on my chest. As much as I love him, he reallyy after the first time he fucked up, never deserved anymore of my time, affection, love, attention, anything but because i loved him regardless of what he did and his flaws I still went to him. I just wish i neevr even met him at all. I could have done without all of this heartache. How am i STILL crying over some jerk like this? He isn't even worth my thoughts. The bottom line is I will always be second best to all of his friends. I will NEVER be defended by him. I will NEVER be looked at as his friend like he looks at his FRIENDS as such yet I loved him, I cared about him, his family, his life, his LIFESTYLE. I did things for him like his friends, I was there for him, I always heeded his every call yet for some reason I am not on the same level as his friends. He cant even CALL me one...whenever its a battle between me and his friends he ALWAYS chooses them and maybe thats when i should have left the relationship when we dated because I always thought it was fucked up how he did that and if he loved me he'd have my back too and defend me once in a while. What's even MORE fucked up is he will admit he fucked up and that he's wrong but he never does anything to fix it or make it better. He even sided with the girls he cheated on me with over me....that really hurt.....And i dont ever expect him to ever understand what i see when i look at him or how i feel because of that shit because i neevr did anything like that to him but let me just tell you ALL that i would rather have been physically killed then to have gone through that and really have reality slap me in the face with where he places me compared to everyone else and yet foolishly because i loved him i still cared and stayed with him....look at me now.... it was all for nothing, it has always BEEN for nothing. To his friends im just some bitch who brings him down and makes him unhappy and doesn't care and blah blah but they have NO idea how we were before he got deeply involved with them and other girls and shit. They have NO IDEA what he did to me and how he belittled be and made me feel. I am the bad guy and I guess as his friends they are naturally gonna have his back but it just sucks that they look at me that way when he did me wrong for so long and i NEVER did anything to him. I will never unerstand how i never got the same love and respect from my own boyfriend than his friends got from him. Comments are disabled because I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't want people to comment about it, it's too personal and im sensative about this subject.

Thursday 27.3.2008 @ 8:54pm 6 minutes until LOST comes on, then Americ'as best Dance crew....Jabbawockeez better win. Just wanted to say I had a nice day :) THANK YOU COLLEEEEEN I LOVES YOU MUCHO. It was nice to get out and hang out with a girl lol AND on top of that watching your dog and my dog interact was pretty funny lol I <3 Cord I also like hearing about the wedding stuff for some reason it makes me all cheery lol I wish I was getting married damn you! You are lucky that you have a guy like Kyle :) I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE EFFING WEDDING....i know, i keep saying that but I mean it lol. 6Whisper{Into the wind}

ZellsDomain Tuesday 25.3.2008 @ 5:44pm mood | productive I finally finished updating and remaking a lot of the pages over at my website, Zells Domain Check it out! Took me about a month to do too. I am working on the band of the month section though, Haven't kept up with that at all. Man i am SO sick right now! I keep coughing and sneezing and now my eyes are watering and my head is stuffy! UGH. I am also almost caught up with updating my project365 journal, zelly365 HOLLA 7Whisper{Into the wind}

LOL ANON Monday 24.3.2008 @ 4:57pm Anonymous repliers crack me up. They always seem to be the toughest shit talkers or have something nasty to say but say it anonymously, thus nullifying their efforerts in being a "badass" and making them the biggest pussies ever. HAHA bring it on! 13Whisper{Into the wind}

Peekz Sunday 23.3.2008 @ 3:17am On another note, I have pictures :D I got my hair cut so the last set are of the cut. Also I only have a couple St.Patty's pics right now so the rest will be up soon....i think. In any case the camera quality and color is shitty and off balance so ignore the extreme color fuck. ( Me and my Dreds ) ( Stripes and Polka dots ) ( Playing some pool ) ( Brief viewing of St. Patty's Day ) ( NEW HAIRS ) 22Whisper{Into the wind}