Vincent Amorason (quitethecharmer) wrote in marvel_nextgen,
@ 2010-05-27 21:04:00

Entry tags:

On The Couch
Vincent takes a deep breath. Doctor Samson hadn't spoken yet, waiting for him to make himself comfortable. He lays down on the couch, then sits up, then lays back down again. He turns on his side, facing out the window. Samson's office had an excellent view. The place always smelled like crushed peppermint as well. He wondered if that was just for him, or for all his patients. It was probably just for him, or only a few others. Samson was meticulous like that.

Before it had been a full five minutes into the hour, he finally cleared his throat, speaking up.

"So.. It was my idea to seek some manner of professional help. Kristoff agreed it was in order and chose you."

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

quitethecharmer
2010-05-28 12:19 am UTC (link)

Vincent's body tenses at 'no matter who'.

There is one.

There will always be one.

"No... not for him. If I found myself called by my blood father, I would have run as fast and as far as I can, admittedly screaming and invoking every scraplet of technological and magical prowess at my disposal." His response is quiet and miserable. He feels ashamed.

"But for anyone I deemed deserving of aid... I want to believe so. I want there to be that much good in me, and I'm fairly certain I believe there is." He clears his throat as he visualizes a third side being completed.

"As I said... I can't even feign the notion that that was the greater reason, but I hope it was the one that tipped the scales."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 12:25 am UTC (link)
	"Dr. Doom is pretty much the only person you can think of offhand not more worth helping than New York on that particular week?" He asks perfectly calmly. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

quitethecharmer
2010-05-28 12:48 am UTC (link)

"He's the only person I can think of that isn't worth helping ever..." The sentence should have ended there, but he lets out a sigh. "He's the only person I don't think I could bring myself to help. Alternate dimensions aside."

He works a bit more quickly, finishing the cube and putting it aside, opening his eyes to confirm it, before running his hands over his face.

"Even knowing what I know now... I can't say for certain that I would have acted differently." It clearly bothers him to admit it. "I was excited... I felt important, recognized... like who I was, who I was born as, meant something. Like I was part of something bigger than just being the bastard half-blood son of a monster and a witch. I was..." He grunts, holding his forehead.

"'Home' doesn't even come close to covering it. I know in my head and in my heart that Kristoff, the Richards, the Grimms, Storm, ....Andrea... they are my family and the Baxter Building is my home." He chooses his words carefully. "But Asgard... it's something inside me. A living breathing energy that reaches out to me. Call it divine influence, or... possibly just the memories of a little boy who felt he had nowhere he belonged." He scoffs.

"But then, I'm not supposed to be the one analyzing me, am I, Doctor Samson?"

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 01:42 am UTC (link)
	"It's Kristoff's dime," Leonard says calmly. "Feel free to regale me with the deeper meaning. I mean, god forbid you could just have screwed up." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

quitethecharmer
2010-05-28 04:07 am UTC (link)

Vincent blinks, turning to face Samson.

"What is 'just' have screwed up supposed to mean? I've effectively destroyed my relationships with those closest to me. Kristoff is just about snapped in half, Cassandra is disgusted, Franklin would just as soon pitch me in a wormhome, Valeria doesn't talk to me, and I have nothing with Andrea anymore.

Oh, and as if everything else wasn't enough, a close friend of mine... may no longer exist in the quantifiable sense."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 04:12 am UTC (link)
	"Yes, any minute now, Fenris will break out of whatever it is they've got him in and eat the sun," Leonard says drily. "And I'm sure whatever's left of that friend of yours would just love the fact that her predicament is just yet another symptom of Vincent's Great Tragedy." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

quitethecharmer
2010-05-28 04:25 am UTC (link)

Vincent cringes slightly and exhales sharply. "Observation noted... excuse me for venting on an unrelated issue. It's counterproductive, I know that now."

Deep breaths. Take in some of that peppermint. The leather of the couch. The faint dampness from the air conditioning.

"I don't know how to fix this. I don't have the scientific acumen of my brother or Richards, but I'm supposed to be smarter than this. Capable of better decisions. Just.... better."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 04:30 am UTC (link)
	"And is that why you have to have been justified? Why it has to have actually been the right thing to do all along, accompanied by unfortunate tragic misunderstandings Because you can't have simply been wrong? Isn't there something in between the Heroic Epic where your fan club greets you upon your homecoming....and your own little Euripides play?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

quitethecharmer
2010-05-28 05:05 am UTC (link)

Vincent... well, there's no other way to put it. He gapes. Even goes so far as to sputter a bit.

"I... that's not... " He runs a hand through his hair, pulling his knees up towards his chest. "I live in extremes. I'm good at subtlety when I want to be, but... when it's part of setting up something big."

He looks at Samson.

"So it was wrong and all the hurt I've caused was for nothing?"

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 05:09 am UTC (link)
	Leonard shrugs. "I'm a psychiatrist, not an ethics expert. But it seems to be an idea you're trying really desperately hard to avoid. That it's a screw-up, not a tragedy. Civilization does not come crashing down because Vincent WhateveryourlastnameissorryIforgot screwed up. That time will heal wounds that Vincent can't wave away." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	quitethecharmer 2010-05-28 05:14 am UTC (link)
	Vincent goes quiet, black and white swirling together to make many shades of gray inside his head. "I... I don't need to be able to fix this just like that?" He says it again, his inflection shifting. "I don't need to be able to fix this." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 05:17 am UTC (link)
	"You don't need to be able to fix this just like that," Leonard echoes quietly. "And guess what? That's Not An Instant Fix, Either." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	quitethecharmer 2010-05-28 05:23 am UTC (link)
	Vincent's head snaps up, surprised by the sudden shift in tone, particularly the severity of it. "Yes... yes I know that." He's trying to get used to this feeling of still carrying some responsibility, even while a large amount of weight just fell off his shoulders. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 05:26 am UTC (link)
	"Great," Leonard says, the picture of calm again. "Tell me what you know you've got to think about right now." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	quitethecharmer 2010-05-28 05:28 am UTC (link)
	The answer is succint and stated with resolve. "Kristoff." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 05:31 am UTC (link)
	Leonard blinks slightly. "Okay, that sounds like it could be a place to start. How is Kristoff? You said something about snapped in half?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	quitethecharmer 2010-05-28 05:26 pm UTC (link)
	"He's very upset." Vincent starts simply. "He feels hurt and betrayed that I couldn't give someone the same benefit of the doubt that he gave me years earlier." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 05:32 pm UTC (link)
	"Leaving aside what we both know about his being a sucker for a fellow Latverian, what do you think about what happened? And feel free to keep it simple, if possible." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

quitethecharmer
2010-05-28 05:38 pm UTC (link)

Vincent clutches his arms around himself lightly. "I... maybe given our comparative ages, what he did was possibly only as bad as what I did when I was a child, but..."

He takes a slow breath. "I was frightened. Afraid he was going to be another one like my father. Someone that constituted a global threat." He swallows hard.

"Don't let the fancy magic fool you... there was very little logic there. It was a deep-seated reptile-brain driven fear."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 05:46 pm UTC (link)
	"Leaving aside comparative badness, I don't quite understand 'global threat' as an explanation for deep-seated fear. New York faces global threats all the time. It faced at least two in the weeks you were gone. Is it really their global-threat-level that scares you about your the human side of your genetic family?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	quitethecharmer 2010-05-28 05:55 pm UTC (link)
	"Admittedly it wasn't the extent of the threat so much as the brand of it that panicked me. It was more than just instinctively lashing out at anything connected to him... I was afraid for Kristoff as well. I know how my father treated him. I know how I've treated him at times." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 05:57 pm UTC (link)
	"And how is that?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	quitethecharmer 2010-05-28 06:01 pm UTC (link)
	"By my father, a favored servant at best and a piece of equipment at worst. By myself... I've taken him for granted. Convinced myself there was nothing I could do short of murder that would make him give up on me or abandon me." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	nextgen_parent 2010-05-28 06:03 pm UTC (link)
	"Do you think that assessment was inaccurate? Has he abandoned you?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	quitethecharmer 2010-05-28 06:14 pm UTC (link)
	"Of course he hasn't abandoned me. Even of I deserved it, he's not capable of giving up on anyone. I don't know what he thinks of me anymore though." His voice quiets. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)