Dean Urquhart (thebetterdean) wrote in riddikulus,
@ 2008-01-20 12:27:00

Who: Sam and Dean
When: Sunday Oct 12th
Where: Boys' Dorm
Rating: Something for language I assume
Status: Incomplete

This was perhaps the hardest thing he would ever have to do and he knew it. Dean was laying on his bed after breakfast waiting for Sam to make his appearance in the dorm, he had to tell him. It wasn’t fair for him just to go off with Stewart without telling Sam first. He had to tell him his choice; he deserved to know where his heart lay. He wanted to say it was with Sam so as not hurt him, but it was hurting himself and what he discovered he wanted. Dean couldn’t explain it but the three year crush had apparently run its course, right as his crush was returning to feeling. Dean felt like he was doing something stupid, but he knew it was the right thing. He was only thinking of staying with Sam because he was afraid to lose him as a friend, but that was no way to build a relationship. It was breaking him apart to have to say this to Sam because he knew once he did; the friendship wouldn’t be at least not for a while. Dean was going to try hard to keep the friendship, after he gave Sam as much space as he could. Why did romance have to be so complicated?

Dean sat up on his bed as he heard the door of the boys’ dorm and ran his fingers over his eyes before putting his glasses back on. He looked over at the door waiting for Sam, he had to do this quick.

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thebetterdean
2008-01-22 01:32 am UTC (link)

Just as Dean expected he was pushed away, and it just made him stand there and look at Sam. He scratched the back of his head through his hat and moved his hand to his cheek to brush the tears away that were falling. He looked at Sam completely heart broken that Sam wouldn’t take his apology, but then could he blame him. He had hurt him, and he had really fucked up.

“Sam I’m not leaving.” He looked at him brushing his tears that continued to fall away from his face. “I care about you, no matter what. You are like fucking family to me. You are my family. My mum and dad don’t give a shit about me. You were all I had, you are all I have. I love you, just not more than a brother. I thought I did, but my constant obsession with you was just my way of holding on to you.” Dean looked down at his feet and he scuffed them against the ground. “I don’t care if you don’t talk to me, and you can leave if you want to, but I am staying here to be with you. I am not going to just let you go. I can’t have the only person I have cared about other than myself for the last six years leave on me. I don’t care if you talk to me. I just want to know you are there. If you need me ever, and I have plans with Stewart I will cancel. If you are hurt, or upset I will be there.” Dean felt his voice breaking as he talked. He was not going to hold it together; he knew he was going to sob hysterically at some point.

Dean moved to sit on his bed and looked at Sam. “I mean it. If you ever need me I will be there. The fact I hurt you is what is killing me the most right now. If I could love you the way I thought I did I would, I really would. You mean the world to me. You are my family. If people ask me who my family is, it is you. Life without you seems strange and foreign. I didn’t know people could care about you, till I met you.” Dean removed his shoes and moved to lie on his bed. He would say here. Sure he had made plans to see Stewart, but he wasn’t leaving. If Sam was here, he was here. He wanted to comfort him some way, some how, even if it was just laying in silence.

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