cumou (cumou) wrote,
@ 2008-05-17 23:08:00

i hate how i always worry too much.
and how i take things the wrong way.
i hate how my voice sounds,
and how i can't seem to write melodies.
i get nervous in front of big groups,
and i never know what to say or do.
i just sit there.
i hate how when someone's trying to help
i can be so oblivious sometimes.
i hate how lazy i can be.
i'm so unorganized,
i'm so unwilling to work.
I hate how i expect something out of people.
not an unreasonable amount,
just something.
I hate how i pick myself apart,
how i feel like something doesn't add up.
how i feel like it's not them, it's me.

but i love that megan can accept me the way i am.
i am flawed, and she knows this, and she continues to love me.
i love how she makes me feel.
like i'm strong.
or funny.
or smart.
all i need is her to make me feel wanted.
i love how she makes me see the good in all the bad.
i feel like i can protect her.
teach her.
learn from her.
if there was anyone the could ever make me feel better about myself,
it would be her.
she knows me better than i know myself.
i also know she can take all my flaws and show me just how good i can be.
i love her for that.

(Post a new comment)

	melohadalillamb 2008-05-18 07:01 am UTC (link)
	hi patrick. i'm melanie. nice to meet you... electronically. are you a writer? you write beautifully. i cant tell you how much it means to me that you love megan. because i love her too. take good care of her for us. shes one of the only reasons i still wake up every day. i'm glad you're on here. i can't wait to get to know you better. ♥ (Reply to this)(Thread)

	itsmeganfaggot 2008-05-19 03:19 am UTC (link)
	haha yes he writes. he doesn't like to think it's good but it is. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

cumou
2008-05-19 03:40 am UTC (link)

haha oh man.
yes, writing's fun, really fun.
but i guess as you can tell i'm modest about it.
thanks baby! hahha
it's good to know i have fans though. haha.

oh, and hello melanie, nice to exchange electronic identities with you. i've heard about the legendary friends from back west. I hope when i met you guys i don't come off as a backwoods redneck. i would be very sad :(

a ding dang doodle.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

propaganda
2008-05-19 12:12 am UTC (link)

hello, patrick. nice to meet you, sort of. the sort of is in reference to the fact i've never actually met you, not that i don't want to meet you. my name is lindsey. thank you for existing. you've finally given megan what she deserves, someone who loves and respects her for who she is, and doesn't just want her as a trophy, or arm candy. she's beautiful on the outside, and many people miss the beauty within. i'm happy that you found it, and that she's met you. i hope to meet you in person some day, but until then, welcome to the new greatestjournal.

♥ lindsey

(Reply to this)(Thread)

cumou
2008-05-19 03:45 am UTC (link)

hi there. i have to say i like your picture, i think i've read that on a poster in some high school english classroom. and i'm all about high school english classrooms. haha

but yes, i'm unbelievably happy i've found her, she's changed my life like i never thought possible. plus she constantly reminds me of how much she loves me by licking my face and bitting my arm. that's what love's all about, right?

but really, that's what it's like for everyone...right?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

propaganda
2008-05-19 07:12 am UTC (link)

i like high school english classrooms, too. except i've always been smarter than my english teachers. which sucks, because it's never any fun to win an intellectual battle against a teacher. but oh well. english is my only good subject. i've got so few talents, i've got to be proud of what i'm good at.

that's so megan, the biting and the licking. for her, that is what love is like. i barely know you, and i already know you're perfect for her. you'll do just fine.

i almost didn't add you as a friend simply because my journal entries are a little nutters right now. i hope that i don't terrify you. i barely know you and you're reading about my father and my tragical existence right now. so just know i'm not always a complete wreck.

as for being a redneck, i've spent my childhood on the back of a horse, and have been exposed to more country music than you could imagine. well, maybe not. but something you'll realize about oregon is that there is one major city, and a whole lot of trees. this entire state is populated by hicks. the only difference between here and texas is that it rains more. we'll accept you with open arms because you've made megan happy, and given her what she deserves, a man who loves and respects you.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

cumou
2008-05-19 08:44 pm UTC (link)

yeah i've had a teacher like that, it's not fun at all to when a debate over something when they've got the degree and you don't. it's just...odd. haha. But hopefully that won't ever happen to me, i want to be an english teacher. So let's hope i get really smart or the kids get really stupid. either way, i'm fine with it.

yeah, i have a feeling i don't come off as very southern, though i do like my tea. As for the music, i can justify country, if it's good. But that's how i am with music in general. I don't really look at the genre, i look at the song itself. I really can't wait to come out there, I've heard many, many stories.

I can't imagine what you're going through right now, but your entries are really, really deep. so just know that i don't think you're crazy, you're only human, and everyone reacts to death in their own way. but stay strong. i know i'm just an outsider, so all i can say is keep strong.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

propaganda
2008-05-19 09:32 pm UTC (link)

haven't you noticed? only the stupid are populating this earth these days anyways. just watch. you'll be teaching spelling in high school by the time you've landed a teaching job, just you wait.

thank you. i'm glad you don't think i'm nuts. that would kinda suck. your marrying into the family after all, we're like in-laws except worse. just kidding. to be honest, i don't see you as an outsider at all. megan loves you and i already like you from what i've heard. you lost your outsider status when megan said she was engaged, in my eyes. you're around to stay, and i fully accept your presence because of that.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

cumou
2008-05-20 02:59 am UTC (link)

aw, wow that made me really happy. :)
well i'm glad i'm not an outsider, i don't really feel that way at all on here, actually. it's strangely familiar for some reason.

god, i can't wait till megan and i move. you guys seem really cool, pretty much everyone here besides megan, kyle, and andrew suck ass. i look forward to smoking a pack or two and talking. just don't let megan notice me chain smoking. ;)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	propaganda 2008-05-21 10:51 pm UTC (link)
	i've spent most of my life feeling like an outsider. i've decided to do everything in my power to make sure i never make someone else feel that way. it helps that you're pretty cool. welcome to the family. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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