Uchiha Madara (kiss_and_sell) wrote,
@ 2010-01-20 09:46:00

Entry tags:

[012]

The Nintendo DSi is an amazing piece of technology, with all sorts of enhanced graphics, a webcam, and etc etc blahblah. I'm not selling you one, so I can skimp on the details of it. But I am giving one away, brand new in box with the plastic wrap still on. While playing Cooking Mama, I noticed some of the touch pad features really aren't being used to the extent they could be. For all the games the DS offers, how is it that few of them are sex related? Here's what I have in mind, a game that not only lets you use the touchscreen to pull panties off and rub exciting places, but that also uses the webcam feature to snap photos of yourself and pastes them in with FGI employees so you can be the best stalker ever. Of course, you'd be pulling the clothes off our employees as well.

And here's what I want you to do. The problem is, as I'm told by several Nintendo representatives as well as top game developers, that there simply isn't a market large enough for one of these games that they'd be willing to "sully" Nintendo's name. Well I say that's bullshit, so I've created a petition. I want 50,000 signatures. The average price of a DS game is around $30, and with a guaranteed 50,000 buyers at the least, that's $1,500,000 profit. And I'm sure more than 50,000 copies will sell, because it's sexy. What I want my employees to do is help me gather these signatures, digitally and in person, by whatever means possible. Secure the sale, no matter what.

The employees who gather the most signatures (They have to be real people, too. Don't lie to me.) will each win a brand new DSi as well as a game bundle, that even has Cooking and Gardening Mama.

For a copy of the petition complete with company clipboards and pens, please head to Human Resources, where you will also find a more detailed copy of the rules and methods that will be in effect for this mission. I trust you'll all do me proud. I believe in you.

Furthermore, I will answer any questions or concerns you may have. If you have objections, I'd like to see you just try to argue them.

Thank you and good luck.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 02:09 pm UTC (link)
	KimoKawaE! describes itself as a “comical discipline adventure”, essentially one of the fairly numerous genre of DS games which center on (relatively lightheartedly) rubbing, probing, bukkaketating and otherwise molesterating hapless females. Close? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 02:12 pm UTC (link)
	But does that have anything to do with us? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 02:14 pm UTC (link)
	No. But, just saying... (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 02:15 pm UTC (link)
	I want one that involves our company, and uses all the features fully. And I can't find a developer for it. Furthermore, is this a title you own? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 02:18 pm UTC (link)
	Can't that guy... the Senju, do it? He goes that robot stuff so surely he could develop the programming language for it. And no, I heard about it. It was a rumor. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 02:22 pm UTC (link)
	I think it's different programming languages? I looked it up in a fit of "well I'll do it myself" that didn't last long. Can you ask him for me? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 02:23 pm UTC (link)
	Do I have to? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 02:25 pm UTC (link)
	I'm already on the phone right now. On hold. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 02:30 pm UTC (link)
	To who? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 02:32 pm UTC (link)
	A rival pornography company. That's probably why I'm on hold. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 02:37 pm UTC (link)
	Why are you calling... them? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 02:37 pm UTC (link)
	To offer them a collaboration. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 02:42 pm UTC (link)
	... Why? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 02:44 pm UTC (link)
	Because it's good business to have allies over rivals. Even if this guy has a butt chin with hair in the middle of it, so he looks like a big hairy asshole face. And the majority of his headliner stars are all plastic, loose, trailer queen looking dirt bags. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 03:21 pm UTC (link)
	I'm really lost here. Are we still talking about the game? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 03:23 pm UTC (link)
	... Wait, what? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 03:26 pm UTC (link)
	What are you talking about? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 03:31 pm UTC (link)
	The man I'm on the phone with? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 03:38 pm UTC (link)
	Some butt chin guy. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 03:43 pm UTC (link)
	Yes. From a rival company. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 03:44 pm UTC (link)
	And you are now talking to him because you want to develop a game that we can't do because we have a programmer who is lacking in skills? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 03:56 pm UTC (link)
	Because I want his help in gathering signatures, so we can get a developer who has the skills. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 04:00 pm UTC (link)
	Oh. Okay. I got you now. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kiss_and_sell 2010-01-20 04:02 pm UTC (link)
	You confused me for a moment. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	last_to_know 2010-01-20 04:05 pm UTC (link)
	You confused me even more! No more of that. Finished. You could just kidnap someone from Nintendo. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)