e s t e l l a (estellerina) wrote in valesco,
@ 2009-06-11 19:41:00

Entry tags:

Caden
Estella had never felt so many things at once.

Anger that led into depression that led into a desire for hope that gave her some sort of faith which made her happy that then just turned around and made her realize she'd messed everything up, and around and around her circle of emotions went. Estella clung to the extra pillow on the hospital bed, her face having been pressed into it since the healers had left. She was sure nothing was wrong with her or the baby, but a panic attack was never good for anyone, so she hadn't fought Caden's insistence. It had been so long since she'd had a full blown attack, so he'd found her seated in a pile of tulle and tutus, breathing into a brown paper bag to try and regulate her breaths.

She was such a stupid mess.

Sniffling, Estella listened for Caden's movements, not having said much since she'd been calmed down. She felt terribly guilty for her last comments to him, but at the same time it was sort of---it felt sort of good to finally get out what she'd been feeling these past five months. He hadn't even felt the baby kick, which---well they were still light kicks, but the attempts to feel weren't really there and---maybe Dolores had done something right.

"Ugh," she let out at the thought, but also because the inside of her stomach had been jabbed quite hard in the side. Estella frowned and pushed her hand against the spot, "Not so hard," she muttered.

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silex
2009-06-12 01:34 am UTC (link)

Caden honestly didn’t know where to go from here…

Everything had been working out fine…or, so he thought. No one except for their close friends and family knew about this baby, and that was good, wasn’t it? Reporters were ruthless, and if they found out about Estella being pregnant, he could just imagine the horrible things they’d say, or the rumors they’d spread that people would actually believe because they were idiots. That was what he was worried about, having Estella get stopped in the street by someone who had read something that wasn’t true at all, and then she’d get upset, and…

That was all he was trying to do, he thought he was doing the right thing, but now? Now he wasn’t sure of anything anymore, and it was all because of that horrid bitch who couldn’t keep her mouth shut. He hated her so much for telling everyone, but what he hated her for even more was making sense, and he just felt like a complete tool. He kept trying to remind himself that he was just trying to do what was best for Estella and the baby, but…was he really? Was hiding this news better than just telling everyone and getting it over with? What had he planned to do, if they managed to keep this secret until the baby was born? If Dolores Umbridge read that as him being ‘ashamed’, would everyone else? Would the press? Would his fans? Would he just look like a bigger brute? Would Estella start thinking that? Did she already?

Fuck, his head was hurting, trying to rationalize all of this…and what was worse was that he was trying to figure everything out while sitting in a hospital room with his wife, who had been so upset by all of this that she could hardly breath. He took her to Mungo’s, and the healer had examined her, and was off looking at the test results…and Caden was never good with hospitals; especially when he was there because of something like this.

When Estella finally made some noise, he looked up to glance over at her. He was currently slouched down in an uncomfortable chair, his elbow resting on the arm as his thumb brushed along his lower lip thoughtfully. His head turned towards her, and eventually he rose to his feet and made his way over to the side of her bed, slipping his hands into his pockets, because…well, he didn’t know if she’d even want him to touch her right now.

“…are you alright…?”

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estellerina
2009-06-12 01:45 am UTC (link)

She stiffened at the sound of footsteps, and her shoulders tightened when he spoke. Estella really didn't know what to think about anything right now, and her brain was yelling for Caden to get away from her, but her heart ached terribly in her chest. All her heart wanted was for him to hug her and hold her close and tell her everything was going to be fine.

It was so strange. They rarely even bickered while they were dating, and the media had been all over them during that time, and now that they were married? The media hadn't bugged them once, but they'd had the worst kind of fights imaginable. It scared her; maybe that meant something. Maybe it meant they weren't strong enough to survive all of this, maybe---just---she couldn't believe that.

"It's nothing, it's---" She winced again, and twisted to her back to try and sit up. She was a lot bigger at this point of the pregnancy than she had been with Jacob, "The baby's kicking me right in the side." Estella pressed her hand to the spot again, but then let it drop to the side. Their baby was just as stubborn as his or her father, it seemed

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silex
2009-06-12 02:07 am UTC (link)

Her tensed up muscles didn’t go unnoticed, and he knew for a fact that it was because of him. He tilted his head down, and stared at his sneakers before her voice drew his attention back to her. When she moved to try and sit up, he removed his hands from his pockets to assist her, placing a hand on her back and the other on her shoulder. As she explained what had happened, Caden found himself glancing down at the bump that was now her stomach.

For the first time, Caden didn’t just see her as just ‘being pregnant’, he saw that bump as a baby. He didn’t know why, but for the longest time, it hadn’t really been full processed that there was something growing in there; someone growing in there.

Had that really never talked about this? Had they just…gone through the motions? Fuck, he really was a brute. Was that the first time the baby had kicked? Did this happen a lot? Was she used to it? He should have known all of these things, but he didn’t, and all of these realizations were hitting him at once, and…-

“…does it hurt…?”

The question was quiet as his eyes traveled up to meet hers, swallowing roughly because he felt a little bit stupid for asking. Was he allowed to just suddenly take an interest without her getting pissed off? He should have asked questions a long time ago. He should have been just as excited as she was, he should have been a lot of things.

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estellerina
2009-06-12 02:23 am UTC (link)

Estella's mouth dropped open, and she looked down at her belly before looking back up at Caden with a shrug, mostly because she didn't know what to say. Well--she knew that it didn't really hurt (it was more annoying than anything), but it was the fact that he had asked and it seemed like he wanted to know. He wanted to know about something that had to do with the baby? That was---she felt her chest swell with happiness (an extremely opposite feeling from a few minutes ago).

"No, it's not bad," she said, all the while reaching out for him. Estella grabbed onto Caden's wrist and pulled him closer, pressing his hand to the spot of the last kicks. Come on, little Flint, you need to perform right now.

Estella felt herself flush with pride as the baby continued to kick, and she watched Caden's face for a reaction. This was it, if she wanted to be honest with herself. This was the deal breaker, she was sure. If Caden didn't react positively, Estella didn't know how she would make it through the rest of this pregnancy. He already knew that she was upset about the secrecy, so if it continued like it had been...she had no idea where they'd end up.

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