Current mood:

stressed

Lately...
I have been starting to feel like nothing is ever going to work out. My life in general is fucked in one way or another. I am constantly in fear of my father dying ever since my mother died which is why i refuse to leave his house. I have been aggitated with him lately and rude because ever since his back surgery last month, the medicine he takes has made him forget so many things and he talks so damned much and he interrupts everything and says the most off the wall shit....thats how my mom was before she died.

Other than that, all my friends are thinning out. Guys who like me, I dont like back in that way. Guys I like, are taken, fucked up, too far, or not serious about their feelings with me. The band i am in has big plans but no one can ever work out a practice schedule and we have a show to do in APRIL that we are NOT going to be ready for.

I want to go to NJ but i know I WONT because of my feelings for Matt. I just want to cry it all out but it will be a waste since I know in 24 hours i will still feel the exact same.