rogue_star (rogue_star) wrote in marvel_nextgen,
@ 2010-03-29 17:19:00

Entry tags:

exiles, inactive - patriot, sarah rogers

Needing some answers
Sarah would like to spend as much time with Anya and Molly as she can while she has the tiny chance she has. But with things happening there, there's someone she needs to make at least a little time to talk to. Her arm is healed enough to work her own wheelchair, and she'll be out of it in a couple days. It'll do for now.

She approaches Bucky's temporary quarters at Avengers Mansion and knocks.

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	wwii_hero 2010-03-30 05:10 am UTC (link)
	"Come in, Sarah," he replies. Yes, he can tell who it is by the strength and tone of the knocking. Why do you ask? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	rogue_star 2010-03-30 07:38 am UTC (link)
	She wheels herself in, moving her right arm pretty gingerly still, then takes the time to close the door behind her. "Thanks, Bucky. I... uhm... know we're back to work in a couple weeks, but we have some downtime til then. And, with some of the stuff that's come in, I needed to talk to you, if you have a few minutes?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-30 12:01 pm UTC (link)
	He smiles gently at her. He's always thought of her as his niece -- the last living connection to Steve, even if she's from a different universe. "For you? Any time." He gestures for her to take a seat beside him. "What's going on?" (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

rogue_star
2010-03-30 05:46 pm UTC (link)

She's had a tough time really thinking of him as 'Uncle Bucky', but right now, he's as close to family as she really feels she has. And he'll be the 'family' who'll be there in the next world.

"A couple things have happened, and I'm not sure exactly how its going to affect me or my immediate judgment next world. Ties, entanglements, whatever, are something I've tried pretty hard to avoid since we started this whole thing, but I spent a year in this world, it was a little different than usual. Its kind of a story, but I kind of ended up with a date. I was going to turn it down, but Anya convinced me to take advantage of these three weeks and live a little. I've only had one date before, Bucky... and leaving that behind, well, I had some real trouble adapting right away. If the same thing happens next world, I may need you to kind of pick up the slack for me on leading the team til I adjust a little, and I'm not quite sure how to tell the rest of the team. I never asked to be team leader, but it kind happened, I guess, somewhere along the way."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-30 09:30 pm UTC (link)
	He nods. "I'm here to help, whatever you need," he tells her. He smiles and shakes his head a little. "And you ended up leading the team because you're Steve's daughter. And that shines through, constantly." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

rogue_star
2010-03-30 09:50 pm UTC (link)

"That's the other thing, uhm..." she pauses, not sure how to continue, not usually struggling so much for words, but she's not good at personal matters. "Thank you, but there is something else. And, while its not usually a big deal, since I don't really have a personal life, it might come out a bit if the team is around the next few days, or we have goodbyes. And I'm not sure how people will react, or how much I should kind of... try and keep it separate. Right now, though, it might come up, and I don't want to make any waves with the team."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-30 09:56 pm UTC (link)
	"Sarah," he tells her gently, "your personal life is your business. You don't have to defend yourself to anyone." He places a hand on her shoulder. "And if anyone does feel you owe them an explanation, or even wants to look at you crossways, they can explain their issues to me first." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	rogue_star 2010-03-30 10:03 pm UTC (link)
	She sighs. "That's not it, exactly. Especially because I'm not sure I'm entirely... ok with everything. Still trying to sort it out myself, and I don't want my personal life impacting the team. I'm... I'm..." she sighs. "Bucky, my date is a girl named Molly Hayes. I'm gay." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-30 10:44 pm UTC (link)
	He doesn't blink. "And if anyone feels you owe them an explanation, they can take it up with me." He squeezes her shoulder. "Look, Sarah, your father was an inspiration not because he was a blond-haired, blue-eyed muscleman. What mattered was who he was. You're gay. That doesn't change who you are to me. And it shouldn't to anyone else." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

rogue_star
2010-03-31 01:37 am UTC (link)

If she wasn't in a wheelchair, she'd hug him. He knows her dad as something other than a parent, so she's pretty sure he'd know. Its been one of those things that's been burning at her. Not just would her dad still accept her, but would he be proud of her anyway. Now, she's pretty sure she knows.

"Thanks, Uncle Bucky." she responds. "I know it shouldn't matter, but its one of those things I'm still kind of dealing with."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-31 01:49 am UTC (link)
	He shrugs a little. "Take your time. Deal with it. It matters to you, and that's the only person it should matter to." He smiles. "Well, you and whoever you want to make a part of that." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

rogue_star
2010-03-31 02:15 am UTC (link)

She sighs. "I don't. I mean, I like Molly... I may really like Molly, but we probably won't ever be back here. Even if I could end all this, I need to save my universe. I'm not the... go out and have some fun for a week, and move on type. I'm only letting things happen and see where they go right now because Anya convinced me, and Molly and I talked. But after Gretchen... this is going to be hard on me when we leave, I know it. Which is why I need you to be ready to take over leadership for a while after we leave."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-31 02:48 am UTC (link)
	He sighs and nods, taking her hand. "Back in the war, I kept trying to get your dad to go to dances. He had a hard time with that, too." He smiles. "Go on this date only if you want to, not if Anya wants you to." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

rogue_star
2010-03-31 02:51 am UTC (link)

She nods. "I do want to. I like Molly... she's beautiful, nice, sweet... and I've been doing this... all of this, for almost my whole teens. First the guerilla war against the sentinels, and then the Exiles, then waiting to get called back to being an Exile, and now the new missions. I'd like to date, try and come to terms with being gay, have a little fun. What I can't handle is the heartbreak and all. I don't think I'm cut out for casual dating. That green sash I wear? Its Gretchen's, from our one night out."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-31 03:49 am UTC (link)
	Bucky nods. "Sounds like a relationship isn't really in the cards for you until you make it home." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	rogue_star 2010-03-31 03:59 am UTC (link)
	She nods. "Home is full of guerilla warfare against giant robots. I don't think its going to happen in general. Just kind of not meant to be, I guess." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-31 04:16 am UTC (link)
	"The thing about warfare?" Bucky points out. "Eventually... it ends. It might not happen in your lifetime, but it will happen. That's what you're fighting for, after all." He gently pats her knee. "Just remember what you're fighting for. And if you can use these dates as a reminder... so much the better." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	rogue_star 2010-03-31 04:50 am UTC (link)
	She nods. "The fighting I have no issue with. That much is clear, has always been clear. I don't regret it... I know we're doing the right thing. I'm my dad's daughter that way... war is easy. Its having a personal life I'm not so good at." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-31 12:54 pm UTC (link)
	"Having a personal life is like warfare -- it's easier with experience." He smiles. Of course, his longest and best relationship has been with the Black Widow. Of course he'd compare it to warfare. Some of their best date nights had involved shooting -- sometimes even at each other. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	rogue_star 2010-03-31 01:36 pm UTC (link)
	Somehow, that doesn't make her feel any better. She barely lets herself make friends, so experience with a personal life? Yeah, not going to happen. So she settles for a shrug. "I'll keep that in mind." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-31 02:11 pm UTC (link)
	"That means," he says, "that your date will help you get your feet under you. You'll develop the knack eventually." He shrugs. "Your dad didn't have the knack at one point. But by your very existence, you're proof he got it eventually." He grins. "He never thought he'd get a chance for a real relationship, either." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

rogue_star
2010-03-31 02:22 pm UTC (link)

She nods. "Thanks Bucky, but its not really a knack I want if it requires feeling like I did after we got pulled out of that world after just one day, like after I left this world last time. What happened between me and Molly just sort of happened. She took care of me after I fought the Abomination and Temujin, it wasn't really intentional, and its already killing me to think of leaving it behind, and its not even really...anything but a date yet. We're not coming back here, and that's probably for the best. Broken hearts hurt too much... I... I'm going to spend the next few days pretending I get to be a teenager for a little bit, and if Gretchen is any indication, the next several months wishing I hadn't. I think its something I need to do... but I don't plan to make a habit of it."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-31 02:31 pm UTC (link)
	He nods a little sadly. "I wish I could tell you that you can just be a regular teenager. But I'd be lying." He sighs. "But... just remember... and I know it's hard right now... but take the long view. Eventually, you'll get home. Eventually, war will end. It might happen next week. It might happen in 50 years. But it will. End." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

rogue_star
2010-03-31 03:14 pm UTC (link)

She nods. "I appreciate what you're trying to say, Bucky, I really do. But its not necessary." she sits back in her wheelchair. "The war... we weren't winning. We were just buying time. There weren't enough people left to 'win'. The X-Men were an underground urban legend. The F4 live behind a force field, and there maybe, might be an underground railroad. But that was ok, we were doing the right thing. I don't know how long we could have kept it up. Or what kind of life there was. And even that seems forever away. I've been an Exile now for, what is it, three years? Three and a half? I'm not complaining... not really. I have to believe what we're doing is for the greater good. But I don't even know if there's an end to this, and if there isn't... well, one teenage girl is a pretty small sacrifice to make for all the worlds we're saving. Compared to that, it doesn't really matter. I can handle almost dying against the Hulk, or the Abomination, or Temujin, or Holocaust... we don't know what's next. Allison died serving, TJ disappeared, Spider, Morph, Grandma... who knows? Maybe they went home. I hope so. But we have enough to deal with in the right now, because I'd like to try and get the rest of you home too. And whenever that happens, be it tomorrow or fifty years, I'll think about a war we're not winning. For me, that is the long view. And you know, that's ok. I'm comfortable being Crusader, I'm comfortable being a Rogers. I'm strangely ok with the possibility of dying for the greater good on a world that doesn't know I exist as long as I'm doing the right thing. War is easy by now, it is my life by now. But when I can barely deal with telling someone I'd trust with my life that I'm gay, and it took this long to do that? I still carry around the only thing I have left of my first date, from someone I knew for one whole day? I don't even want to try and deal with eventuallys or possibles. I don't know who that Sarah is. I don't need the pep talks or assurances... in a couple weeks, we'll be getting back to work, and I'll be fine."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

wwii_hero
2010-03-31 03:28 pm UTC (link)

He gives her a smile. "Then I won't give you a pep talk. I'll just remind you that someday this life," he gestures around them, "will end. It might mean we're dead, or it might mean that you've returned home, or it might mean something else entirely. But just remember... someday this will end, and it may be your role to take on your hardest challenge of all..." He smiles, and gently pats her shoulder. "...adjusting to an almost-normal life."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	rogue_star 2010-03-31 03:30 pm UTC (link)
	She nods. "I know. And when that happens, if I live to see it, I'll figure out who that Sarah is. I'm not ready to be her yet, that's too hard. Right now, I just needed to know, if the team found out and it got in the way, that you had my back. Thanks, Bucky." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-31 03:34 pm UTC (link)
	"Even when you don't want it," he replies. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	rogue_star 2010-03-31 03:42 pm UTC (link)
	"That helps, and its never bad to have fri... family behind you. I'll see you later. I need to go get Molly's help getting ready for our trip. I'll be back in a week." she adds, wheeling back towards the door. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	wwii_hero 2010-03-31 04:00 pm UTC (link)
	Patriot smiles after her. "Try to let yourself have a good time." Once she's gone, he leans back on the bed. "And maybe someday, I'll actually listen to my own advice..." (Reply to this)(Parent)

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