lady_hood:

It's been a week already, and Melissa can't take it anymore. It's just too much for anyone person to deal with.

The crying. The moping. The mood swings. The freaking out every time a certain DVD gets moved. She's starting to feel like her apartment is a funeral parlor, and she's really close to chucking a certain bowling ball out of the window. However, she knows this would upset her girlfriend, and Melissa is very cognizant of Kelly's feelings.

So this is why she's sure Kelly will be all over the idea she got this morning while watching <i>Saturday Night Live</i>.

She puts down her gun and turns to face Kelly's back while Kelly is cleaning her own weapons.

"Baby. We need to cheer your dad up, and I don't think a Golden Girls Marathon will do it."

We need to kidnap Betty White." Melissa demands.

mercwithamouth:

Wade sits watching the noon-time news in horror. There is nothing he could do, nothing he could say that would change the display on the television. The last time something this terrible had happened, it had been over a year ago and he wasn't been anywhere near a news reel at the time. It had been a shock to find out about that time when he was freed from his shipping container.. but this is so much worse.

By the time Kelly or her lovely girlfriend can find him, he is a weeping soggy mess with his face pressed to the bottom of his bowling ball. In fact, he is so upset that he can't even speak at first, and instead sits there making big, hiccups as he tries to catch his breath.

Rue McClanahan, the actress who played Blanche on the Golden Girls, has died this day.

goesbothways:

Ok, so the trip to Somalia was weird. But she did the job, and found her long lost father. Family reunion done, time for things to get a little more back to what passes for normal in the surreal place Kelly lives.

She calls the only other person outside of 'work' she has all that much contact with.

mercwithamouth:

Ever since extracting himself from that god forsaken shipping box, Deadpool has been on a string of hot dates with ugly dudes.  They've all died with beautiful bloodflowers blooming from their heads and chests, but that doesn't matter!  Deadpool is bored.  He needs a challenge.  He needs... a taco!  Now the whole story leading up to how Deadpool got to where he could even access tacos is a long and drawn out affair and in all honesty it's actually really boring.  In fact, I even told Deadpool that there were no tacos in Somalia, but he didn't believe me..  Oooooooh no!

Oh, and who am I?  Well - I'm Wade's third personality.  

ANYWAYS, Wade was totally bummed out when he got to Somalia and realized that there are no tacos there.  The idiot wandered around for a few days, marveling at the sights and sounds.  The mercenary bazaar was one of the best we've seen on years!  Seriously!  You should see the rocket launcher we picked up...

Of course, all good things must come to an end, and some of those pesky pirates decided that they wanted our rocket launcher. So. As I'm sure you can imagine, things got a bit nasty.

Deadpool is, at this current moment, standing on the bough of the ship, eying the midnight water just over the side. The pirates somehow managed to gang up on him, and have subdued the insane man with no less than 20 ft of rope and several heavy chains.

"Guys? Seriously - I don't know how to swim and it's just going to be really annoying if you make me walk the plank," Deadpool says. "Can't we just talk things out?"