☁ янσ∂є ☂ кαмєℓσт ♪ (indreams) wrote,
@ 2011-08-06 23:20:00

Entry tags:

open meme

YOU ARE NOW DRUNK.

Carry on.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	2/2 keepwalking 2011-08-08 08:38 am UTC (link)
	It seems the kind of thing Lavi would do. [Which... makes him regard his own drink a touch thoughtfully before placing it aside. Intentions are well and good but--yes, putting that aside for now.] Meaning well despite it, that is. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: 2/2

soundthebugle
2011-08-08 09:18 am UTC (link)

He's a lot like Lavi. [There's a touch of homesickness there. And he shuts his eyes, his expression that polite if thoughtful mask that makes it hard to tell what he's thinking.]

And like Krory but, in his case, a real vampire.

[There's a pause and he adds in a quiet voice.]

Everyone comes and goes so often, I haven't seen anyone from home in many months. Not since Tyki left.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	1/? keepwalking 2011-08-08 09:35 am UTC (link)
	[... Real vampire, eh? The thoughtful look he had been getting is chased away by... a somewhat squeamish one, and he rubs absently at his neck. Oh well. At least the puncture marks have healed over.] (Reply to this)(Parent)

	keepwalking 2011-08-08 09:39 am UTC (link)
	[That last line, though-- It catches him offguard, and he looks askance at his counterpart for a moment, unreadable and quiet in expression, before he smiles a little.] (Reply to this)(Parent)

	keepwalking 2011-08-08 09:40 am UTC (link)
	[Sympathetic. It's... anything but simple, after Link, but--] Mm... [Stretching his legs out, he glances up at the ceiling in thought.] But if they leave... they've gone home, right? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	done keepwalking 2011-08-08 09:40 am UTC (link)
	At least if they have something to go back to... [Turning then with a more purposeful, if strained smile as he folds his hands in his lap.] It's better if they're safe where they belong. Home. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	1/2 soundthebugle 2011-08-08 10:38 am UTC (link)
	...I hope that's where they've gone. The Animus keep saying strange things. [His brow furrows at that, worry entering his features just enough to strain his usual polite expression.] (Reply to this)(Parent)

	2/2 soundthebugle 2011-08-08 10:40 am UTC (link)
	But, better I get stuck there than them. [He laughs softly but, it doesn't hide any of the soul-weary feelings that have long since bubbled up inside of him.] [Because there's no where to move forward to.] (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	1/3 keepwalking 2011-08-08 11:35 am UTC (link)
	[A pause and a glance over. The Animus? Though the question would be more... 'strange things'?] (Reply to this)(Parent)

	2/3 keepwalking 2011-08-08 11:39 am UTC (link)
	[...Still. ~~The basic issue still stands.~~] (Reply to this)(Parent)

	3/3 keepwalking 2011-08-08 11:40 am UTC (link)
	[Leaning back a little, he nudges his counterpart.] You're still depressing. [He can hear that soul-wearyness. But... it doesn't mean his expression is any less quiet; sympathetic. Because there is always forward. ... Even if we don't know where towards.] (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	soundthebugle 2011-08-08 11:52 am UTC (link)
	[He makes a face at the nudge and pokes right back.] As long as I'm moving forward, how it is depressing? [You didn't hear anything. Smile, smile like always. He's fine. ...even if he has no idea what he's moving towards.] (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	keepwalking 2011-08-08 12:01 pm UTC (link)
	[You are not fooling him, self.] Then sound like it. [... Nudge.] (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	soundthebugle 2011-08-08 12:57 pm UTC (link)
	[No? How about this smile. It is all but a ray of sunshine over here.] I am sounding like it. [... Poke.] (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	1/2 keepwalking 2011-08-08 02:24 pm UTC (link)
	[For a long moment, Allen just... looks down at his slightly younger self. Just... looks. ... Oh. God.] (Reply to this)(Parent)

	2/3 keepwalking 2011-08-08 02:25 pm UTC (link)
	[And then lets his head tip back with a muffled groan.] Ahhh- [He scrubs at his face before looking up at nothing in particular a little dismally.] So that's what Lenalee means. [Mmf. He almost forgets to respond to the poke in the sulking realization.] (Reply to this)(Parent)

	3/3 keepwalking 2011-08-08 02:25 pm UTC (link)
	[... Almost. N u d g e.] (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

1/3

soundthebugle
2011-08-08 02:39 pm UTC (link)

[A wave of pain rolled through his mind with a clap of thunder. Lenalee. She'd come and gone twice, they hadn't got to talk much. He'd kept things from her yet they both knew what he'd come from. The cold unforgiving darkness of the dungeon where his future was an endless torture of questions and pain. Until he found a way out or his will was broken. He'd long ago vowed to die first than betray his comrades.]

(Reply to this)(Parent)

2/3

soundthebugle
2011-08-08 02:49 pm UTC (link)

[He sighed again then rubbed at his face. Of course his other, older self would see right through him. Like Merlin had. This time visible sorrow cracked his smile. No one understood him like Merlin. No one. And time and time again, he lost him. It hurt. Like sharp needles jabbed into the crock of his arms. Eventually he backed off, walking away from the fire that kept searing him. This time when battered and powerless, he'd tried again.

He regretted it already. Months had not dampened the feeling of kinship. Somehow, that made it worse.

What if he lost him again?]

(Reply to this)(Parent)

3/3

soundthebugle
2011-08-08 02:57 pm UTC (link)

[But, Allen would rather reach out again and again than live like he had in the circus. It was going to burn. To ache. To feel like his nerves were a sea of agony. But it was better than the detached, unfeeling existence... No. No it had always hurt. But this would be borne out of love for all rather than the pain of fear. From the beginning of his conscious existence, he had started with it. Taught to be afraid.

No more.

He met his counter-part's eyes not dropping his usual expression but, not bothering to dodge or hide what had been churning in him since he woke to find Tyki had vanished during the night. To find Merlin returned. And to be alone in a vast castle as everyone he cared for, forgot him.] It's better than nothing.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	1/? keepwalking 2011-08-09 06:52 am UTC (link)
	[Even when intoxicated by unknown substances and somewhere between a good mood and oi, don't look at him like that--Allen has to still, the fog of that evaporating as quickly as his double's last semblance of that smiling mask drop. Oh.] (Reply to this)(Parent)

keepwalking
2011-08-09 06:55 am UTC (link)

[--Mm. He... kind of does feel like a heel then, and hesitates with a bit of a guilty stab. (There might be reasons other than a Pavlovian nausea with alcohol about why he would normally never really drink.)

But there is also just that... He knows. And when you're looking at yourself...

... We kind of have to jibe to keep from looking too closely at reflections we don't really want to see.

But give Allen a few more years (and returning to his normal ever-sober self) before he has the wisdom to realize that.]

(Reply to this)(Parent)

keepwalking
2011-08-09 07:00 am UTC (link)

['Haven't seen anyone from home in months... Better I get stuck there than them.' No, he can guess from that why he looks so pained. He hadn't even considered what it meant for himself in Atollo--not had time to, perhaps?

Was he lucky so many people from home were with him? Kanda, Link, and his Master, all presumed dead and not remembering the things Allen remembers, from times before they... disappeared. Even Rhode--had she perished from the blow she took for him only to reappear here?

It doesn't matter and--it does. Everything and every moment they had alive matters and it's pointless to dwell on how or why if there's nothing they can do to change it.

But it's not so simple... Allen knows he has to go home. It's not even a question--that is everything in the end-all right now, despite the clouds hanging over his and the heads of others about... what they do and how their paths part whenever they do return. He and Lenalee and Lavi and Tyki--they're meant to be home. Even with separate paths the instant they touch back home they have responsibilities they have to return to. And god only knows Allen hates a good deal of Atollo, even if he does sincerely believe they are needed for something and just wants to resolve that so they can all return home--without... those misguided notions of... ... w e l l.

... But what of those of them who would return home presumably to... ... To possibly die?

Where is home then and what path is there when it forks and loops back on itself like some kind of seasick Möbius strip?

Always an Exorcist.

Always protect his friends. His family.

Always remember our promise to destroy and save the akuma. (But what now when he's so separated from them the sense of one is almost a foreign memory to recall?)

Destroy and save... Love and family... Friendship and comradery... Despair and hope. Ever faith.

What about when he keeps realizing that there's more?]

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	keepwalking 2011-08-09 07:02 am UTC (link)
	[...And maybe it's comforting the one thing constant for Allen is he really can't explain any of it. And... that's okay. Not really, but if he can't figure it out and can't do anything about it... ... Well, he'll have to keep focusing on what he can do. It's served him well so far. ] (Reply to this)(Parent)

done omg

keepwalking
2011-08-09 07:03 am UTC (link)

[And regardless... We always smile through it. And finally he does in return, expression dropping to something gentle and thoughtful.] Yeah.

[Until we one day when we actually feel like it.] It is.

[To be happy for the friends we have with us and be happy when they go home... even if it hurts. If they go home safely. (You're stuck like him, too, right? All the notions of being a fake aside. This falls under "I can't explain it but I don't need to explain it.") Everything we do is with that in mind, isn't it? Return with everyone--and not before them.

Lonely's okay. We're used to being alone, right?

Or... we were. A really long time ago.

Even when it hurts. Even when it seems like the powers that be toy with us. Even when it seems like a sick and twisted sort of thing--it's not all bad either, right?

Maybe the reverse for him. Like when Rin been so happy to see him--and then cried when she realized he didn't remember her. Others he'd never seen before claiming to remember him as well--and then Link returning without his memories.

It frustrates him, but the answer is clear in that way where he finds himself just blurting it out before he's even thought about it: it doesn't matter. We'll be friends again. We'll be okay. We'll find a way.

Even when we don't remember everything, it doesn't change who we are. Even losing our memories--we never lose each other.

If anything... that's hopeful.

It's something to believe in.]

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

1/?? -

soundthebugle, 2011-08-09 11:32 am UTC

2/?? -

soundthebugle, 2011-08-09 11:46 am UTC

3/?? -

soundthebugle, 2011-08-09 11:58 am UTC

4/4 -

soundthebugle, 2011-08-09 12:02 pm UTC

1/? what is this ide -

keepwalking, 2011-08-10 08:26 am UTC

(no subject) -