Abernathy was very drunk at this point in the dance, probably still a little high. She figured she was finally off probation and what better night to celebrate the end of the school year with reckless abandon.
She had been dancing with whoever happened to be on the dance floor, but it wasn't long before she got too hot and had to stumble outside to get some fresh air.
She couldn't decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing that she stumbled directly into Sam's back and tripped falling down onto the ground. The crashing of Sam and Abernathy had moved from the metaphorical to the literal in one misplaced step.
She looked up at him from the ground and cracked up laughing. The back of her dress was torn (though easily mended with a quick spell) and her hair was all mussed up. The pretty, red orchid gracing it was now crumpled on the ground under her head. "Oh fuck," she said rather cheerfully.
Sam was shocked, he wasn't sure where to even start. He reached for her and helped her up. "Abernathy, are you okay?" he asked concerned for his friend. He did a little mending charm on her dress. "Jesus," he said cracking a little smile. "You're a mess."
"Full on!" she exclaimed happily and swayed a bit in place. For the first time all semester she didn't even mind that he touched her. "Shelbow and me did a bit of pre-gaming. I figure, fuck it. Let's have fun tonight! And I did. I am. Having fun. It's awesome."
She managed to find her balance again and tried to get Sam to stop fussing about her hair and her dress. It wasn't like she'd wear the dress again and she didn't care at all what happened to her hair. "What's up with you, bro?"
"Good, good, I'm glad you're having fun," he nodded.
"Me? I'm just hanging out," he shrugged. "Thinking. Getting some air," he wanted to say something to make everything okay but she was wasted and he was sure now wasn't the best time.
"Tooooooo saaaaaaad, Sammy Sam." She giggled ans pun around in the cool air with her arms outstretched, whacking his arm with her hand on the way around. "Cheer up silly pup!"
"You can!" She stopped spinning and took a few woozy steps to catch her balance again. The spinning was fun, but a bad idea in her given state.
"You're silly. I haven't gone nowhere." She covered her mouth. "Oh jeez," she said from between her fingers before dropping her hands again. "You can take the girl outta the North country, but you can't take the North country outta the girl." She giggled again and plopped down onto the bottom step where Sam had been sitting.
Sam couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah that's for sure," he said sitting down next to her. "I wouldn't have you any other way," he grinned easily.
"It's not that you've gone anywhere, it just feels like there's a distance between us... I hate it." Fuck, why am I having this conversation with her right now?
She had a weird moment where she hoped that in the morning she'd forget all about this conversation. It was quickly veering into that forbidden territory she'd been avoiding since their annual fishing trip at the beginning of the semester.
"Yeah. I dunno," she shrugged grandly and leaned back to look at the stars, losing her balance again and plunking her head on the stairs. Thankfully it wasn't a hard or heavy plunk, but it was in no way graceful. "Stuff... Happens."
She grimaced a bit, her lips pulling to the side in a frown. "It's there, but what can we do? I don't want anything to change between us. Nothing. I hate change. It sucks."
"You are awesome," he said brightly. But his grin didn't last long. Here we go.
He leaned back until he was even with her. "It does," he admitted. "But don't you think it's worse that we're trying to fight it?"
"You're my best friend AB, and I'm terrified that I'm losing you, that you're just slipping away," there was a heavy feeling in his chest, it felt like he would never breath again.
She didn't reply to his assertion of her awesomeness because the conversation was turning back to that thing she never wanted to talk about. Especially not with him.
"Not even a little bit. I'm a fighter, remember?" She frowned up at the stars as if they were being rude for listening in on this private conversation.
"I will slip away if we just give in." She closed her eyes, too afraid to say what came next. "I don't feel that way about you." Her head swam, drunk and guilty from lying. "That's all there is to it. So you'll have to get over it because I can't be best friends with you if you're mooning about like a lovesick fool."
Really, she was doing this to save their friendship.
"Yeah," he nodded. "A real fighter," he said quietly.
He felt like he had been punched in the stomach, all the air left his lungs. He just closed his eyes and laid back all the way, letting his head hit the step lightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I would never..." he felt a warm tear slip out of one of his eyes, it slipped down the crease and disappeared to a place AB would never see.
"I don't want that," he said quietly. All he really wanted to do was run.
Her face was burning, shame building, but she had picked a course and she was following it through to its natural conclusion.
"I don't either." It was the most honest thing she could offer. She didn't want to lose Sam, that's why she was pushing his feelings away (and her own confusing feelings as well).
She decided then that she couldn't tell him she'd be on NOLA for Christmas. She'd been dragging her heels on it anyway, but if she told him he'd expect her to visit. They both needed time apart to sort this out.
"I'm going back inside," she said suddenly. She got up a bit woozily from her spot on the stairs and stalked off back inside. She needed to find Shelby, or more booze. This was a problem she felt the need to drink away.
He kept his eyes closed, refusing to watch her walk away. "Good night," he said, he wasn't even sure if she heard it. He laid where he was for a long time, doing his best to remember breathing. When he finally forced himself up he made his way to the truck and sat for a while before starting the truck and driving home. He just wanted to curl up with Frankfort and sleep until his chest stopped hurting.
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